Embers

I really loved how you spaced this. It's like fire, randomly reaching out to touch you.

Hey Tinydancer!

I feel like it's been a while since I've read one of your poems, and I'm actually kind of glad to see this one and to see you writing on YWS again!

Overall, very cool! I dig the experimentation with form, should you want to chat this one up, this is exactly the kind of poems I love to dig at and interpret. The theme of ember itself is always packed with inspirational ideas/images, so I did like the content. There was a flickering about this piece form-wise that I thought did nicely to fit with that theme, and I get the sense of a broken sort of love, we get a fading, a sort of flame flicker dying down, which is interesting and I think the image fits with that theme nicely.

I really like the "curl around new memory like exhaled smoke" - I think that was brilliant and the letter spacing added to the illustration. Another part of this that stuck out for me was the post script line - between fingertips and skin still thrilled falling through fractals" -- that bit as well moved well together and the form itself helped, the alliterative l's gives a nice lulling effect. So yes <3 Those were the gems!

What I think this piece needs is something to ground it, something concrete that can serve as an anchor because from the very beginning "coalesce/recess/delirium" these are word choices that are super abstract up there in the sky kind of abstract, this is ALL thought and nothing concrete - no grass or soil that I can dig my hands into--there's little of that in this piece, where ideally, you want a nice balancing of the two. Not much of a fan of those first opening lines anyway, don't get me wrong-- it's beautiful sounds and rhythm. I just don't see how the idea of the words fit together. Delirium to me is something that is jagged, broken, mad, insanity -- and yet this is a blissful delirium, which is the opposite, and that's fine to do in a piece. It makes something intriguing when you have these unexpected words going together -- but it becomes a bit too muddled if you have *too much* of that effect. Coalesce/recess -- swell/fade -- I get that this is intentional that they are meant to be polar opposites, but I don't think that effect can succeed without anything to ground me, I feel like my head is spinning back and forth in ideas.

I hope this helps! Again, let me know if you want to chat this one up, or if you have any questions.

~ as always, Audy

You should totally revise this and redo it man! Cos I loved some of the adjectives like iridescent void; etc but it seemed crappy because of how it looked - jumbled.

I cannot even make out the basic concept of this...all I could make out was...

Coalesce, recess, all
Swell and fade in the waves
Of some blissful delerium

(I am) curling around
Those new memories
Like the exhaled smoke
In the summer rain.

Gasping in pain
I let it get imprinted
Its not unwanted.

Post scripts
Between my fingers
The skin still felt
So much thrilled

Falling through the fractals
Of imagined light and the flight
Of forgotten reason into
The iridescent void.

I still have no idea what this poem could mean. Everything was in disarray so I advice you to just redo it ^^~
Hope I could be of some help ^^
ERZA~