We are the earth shifting under
the weight of a coming storm
and the fleetingly infinite
kiss of August rain on the thirsty lips
of a drought-wrought field.
And we are a ship on the equator
of neither here nor there
waiting
for the push
of decision that will fill our sails and deliver
us to shores that are vaguely familiar,
but not yet traversed
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139,299 Literary Works • 672,525 Reviews
ur poem is really amazing .
.
i really luved it .
the flow of words and the language used are really good .
"kiss of August rain on the thirsty lips
of a drought-wrought field " i just loved these lines .
the words u have used really caught my attention .
the poem is short but really good .
keep up the good work
there is only one thing i wanted to suggest to you just add some comas and full stops .
but in all i really luved ur poem .
Very nice job!
What hooked me right away was the earthly feeling that connects with the senses. Such great imagery and it is carried through till the end with a deep and thoughtful statement that keeps the feeling of the poem still with you afterwards. My only suggestion is to do a little work on making some stops and commas to slow down the poem a bit. Without them I felt a bit like I was rushed through carried on in one long passage. Easy fix so no worries
Amazing work and I do hope you continue to write such great poetry.
hey! tiny.
your poem is sweet and mellifluous. it is quite naturilistic as well(it is my word just invented). , which pulled me into your poem. very good attempt and very nice effort.
now, my suggestions to you:(only one suggestion)
1] use some commas, full stops into your stuff. (just to give more clarity, that's all)
now where your work left a mark into my think tank:
1] your vocab section played a vital role in pulling my mind and my heart towards your stuff.
2] your connectivity was superb.
3] you set a great connection between your sweet lines.
4] your stuff's fluidity is also mind blowing.
overall great work. keep it up! i will give you four kitkats outta five.