Author's note: I'm trying to write this from the viewpoint of Joan of Arc's squire. If I'm wrong on history or the like or anything PLEASE TELL ME!!! Grammar too, I need tons of help for that. So basically anything that could be helpful!!!! Thanks!!!!
Jean d’ Aloun swallowed hard; he nervously clenched and then unclenched his hands. He had been summoned before the Dauphin of France enough to know how to act in his company, but Charles was acting strangely. He kept starting sentences then breaking them off; throughout the whole meeting so far he would glance at Jean then look away, trying to avoid making eye contact it seemed.
The whole atmosphere of the room seemed to hold something; something that made Jean feel increasingly nervous. Wish Charles would just tell me what he wants soon, he thought impatiently. I want to go home someday, before I forget what Helene even looks like.
Although a courageous man in battle, Jean was extremely awkward around people. Though his body was quick and graceful in battle, his tongue was slow and clumsy in conversation. Labeled as an awkward man, he was seldom seen at Charles court; preferring his country home to anything.
Someone cleared their throat and Jean looked up startled. Lost in his thoughts; he had forgotten that he was standing in the throne room of the Dauphin of France awaiting orders. Charles had been watching him closely as he stared at the black marble floor.
“Did you hear what I said?” Charles asked.
“Forgive me, your majesty,” Jean answered bowing his head humbly. “But I didn’t.”
“I asked,” Charles said patiently. “Have you seen the Maid?”
Jean jerked his head up and stared at the Dauphin, “why yes, my lord. I saw her when she came to Poitiers to see you.” For the past few weeks it seems that she is all France ever talks about.”
“Indeed she is, but tell me” Charles said leaning forward in his chair, “what do you think about her?”
Jean blinked in disbelief, “I hardly think you should ask me, my lord. I am not a great counselor or even a very wise man.”
“You underestimate yourself, Jean,” Charles said gravely. “Come,” he ordered, “tell me what you think”.
“It’s hard to say, My Lord,” Jean answered hesitantly. “I don’t think God would send a woman to lead us. It’s the men who lead, the woman follow. Doesn’t seem right to me that God would disrupt the order of things now.”
“Indeed, it does seem like that, doesn’t it?” Charles mused. Tell me, what you would do if I placed you in the army under the Maid?”
Jean stopped. What would I do, he wondered. I have never listened to a woman, much less led by one.
“I would follow you, My Lord” Jean answered firmly. “I would follow her for you, but only for you.”
“Well-spoken Jean, but I wonder what other men would say to this,” Charles mused. Men have never taken orders from woman, and now this maid claims to be sent by God himself to take charge of my armies, and place me on the throne of France.”
“Forgive me my Lord for asking,” Jean started, “but why are you asking me these questions? Why not one of your generals or one of those fat lords that are always hanging around begging for favors?”
Charles lips twirked for a second, with a ghost of a smile. “Humorous Jean, but you know that you are considered by your peers as one of the best men in the Kingdom. That was not easily earned.”
“When Joan first arrived I had she tested by theologians from Chinon and Poitiers for three weeks,” Charles said. “She not only passed the questions given to her, she absolutely astounded them by the logic and wisdom of her answers. No mere peasant girl from Lorrain, of all places would have been able to answer their questions without someone’s help.”
“I do believe that she was sent by God to help me claim my throne,” Charles continued. “But I need France to believe with me.”
Charles looked up from his musing’s and looked hard at Jean. “I am giving the Maid 10,000 men to take with her. She will proceed to Orleans with my blessing, and you will accompany her as her personal bodyguard and head of her military household.”
Jean’s jaw dropped in amazement, “Me, my Lord? You wish me to protect the Maid of Orleans?”
“Your duties will be to solely protect Joan, and to never leave her side in time of war,” Charles replied, clearly amused at Jean’s reaction.
“Yes, but I just told you that I don’t think she’s sent by God” Jean stammered. “Wouldn’t you pick someone who believes in her?”
“My only concern when it came to choosing someone for this task was if I and the Maid could trust you to protect her at all costs,” Charles answered. “I know I can trust you.”
“Yes, my Lord,” Jean answered, bowing his head.
Outwardly he was as willing to serve Charles as he ever could be, but the inside his feelings were in utter turmoil. Serving under a woman, and a 17 year old girl for that matter was definitely something new to him and all of France. God wouldn’t put a woman in charge over the men, he thought. He knows that the men won’t follow a 17 year old girl who has tended sheep her whole life and beyond even that, no woman can strategize and fight in a battle regardless of her raising. But telling Charles what he thought again, without permission, wouldn’t help change the Dauphin’s mind.
The Dauphin’s mind was very made up on that matter. Joan would help him reclaim the throne of France; it was his only consolation in that time of war with the English. It is pointless to argue with him, Jean thought.
“I am personally choosing the Maid’s military household,” Charles said. “She will be given two heralds, two pages, and she also requested two chaplains instead of one. “You will be the head of this Military Household as her squire and personal bodyguard.”
“When am I to report to her?” Jean asked.
“She will be leaving for New Orleans tomorrow; you will need to report before then and learn the details of what your duty will consist of.”
“Yes, my Lord,” Jean answered, “I will report immediately to her.”
The Dauphin nodded in consent, “the servant outside the door will lead you to her. Tell the Maid that I sent you, and she will understand.”
“Understood, Your Highness,” Jean said, bowing low before him. “I will do so immediately.”
Jean turned towards the door only to be stopped by the Dauphin’s voice. The Dauphin usually soft-spoken was speaking intensely, “Jean, May God go with you and the Maid.”
Jean turned and smiled, “Thank you my Lord. May God be with you and France.”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi!
I just realized that I have reviewed Chrissy's novel and Timmy's novel, but for some odd reason I haven't done any of yours! You even have reviewed one (or two?) of my chapters before I even knew you xD. I disobeyed the first rule of YWS. Review back 0.0. Oops. Well, I'm here now and guess what. Saint Joan of Arc just so happens to be one of my favorite saints. Saint Maria Goretti is another of my favorites. And Saint Camillus de Lellis <------ he is an amazing saint.
Now onto my review, I won't correct you in grammar because you have had quite a few reviews based on that. It would be good to drop a few hints of what the characters looked like. I remembered them from the movie so I kind of had their image in my mind so it wasn't to bad for me, but for others who have no idea of her story would have a hard time figuring out what they looked like.
It is actually kind of neat to be in the point of view of someone who is nervous and fidgety. Usually in books the main characters are always strong and dependent. I'm kind of curious on how you'll portray him.
I like it so far. This is going to be a short review though because you honestly have so many amazing reviewers and they left no room for me to do any correcting -__-.
Great job!!
Fire
Hey, thanks for the review!
Ohh, that's cool that she's one of your favorite saints. She's my all time favorite. She's just soooo awesome.
Yeah, I totally agree about the description. That is the main thing that I always have trouble with. *facepalm* I'll definitely work on dropping in hints when I do the rewrite.
Thanks for reviewing, as this established some points that I now know that I need to work on. Thankss <3333
Your welcome. Sorry it couldn't be bigger its just that everyone has already told you the mistakes haha. I didn't see any other obvious ones.
Yes! She is an amazing saint. Definitely someone to look up to. =)
Seeing you already have a lot of reviews, I will skip this chapter's review. I like the story so far, and I didn't fall asleep reading it. Which is rather rare.
-Flite
Hehe, I suppose that is good.
Thanks!
Hi there!
I know very little of history since I barely paid attention in class (yet another thing young Noelle did that was stupid), so don't expect any comments on the history behind the piece. I'm sure that your story is very realistic to Joan of Arc's actual squire. Just 'cause, you know, you're awesome like that ^_^
This opening line could be so much more effective. You're throwing us into this story and all we know so far is that Jean d'Aloun is nervous. That alone is nice to know, but if you really show us the tension and anxiety that he's feeling, you could make this two sentences instead of one that uses a semi-colon. The short and choppy sentences will give us the impression of Jean's feelings at that moment. It's good the way it is, but splitting it into two sentences can make it very powerful.
I have a small nitpick for you. There are three sentences in the first two paragraphs that use semi-colons. It gets a bit overwhelming to be completely honest. Think about switching up the sentence structure. Use some different punctuation to switch it up.
Oho! Is that how it is?? *slaps Jean* Sorry, got carried away there. Yes, yes, I know that we're not in the 21st century in this novel. But still.. Rude, Jean, rude!
Now, there are a lot of mistakes in your dialogue such as missing quotation marks and words not capitalized that should be. I'm not going to point them out because I know that you'll pick them out when you go back and edit. Also, I'm lazy and tired. And everyone else has pointed out the grammar I'm sure.
This chapter very much feels like a first chapter. It's full of information that we need to know and we're introduced to the main character here. Your MC has a very nice quirk, what with being so socially awkward and all that. As it's mentioned, he's quite accomplished on the battlefield, but does not have enough strength and courage to talk to Charles the
DolphinDauphin. (that word reminds me of dolphins...) Despite the fact that Charles knows and trusts him, Jean is still nervous. I can see this quirk coming back to haunt him later on in the story.So this chapter is full of dialogue. Normally I would harp about the important of focusing on setting and descriptions and all that, but I don't need to here. I actually think the dialogue works well. Do you know why? It's because we learn things, things that are important to our understanding of the story as it progresses. That goes hand in hand with the feeling of this being an introductory chapter.
One thing that you could add however, is a physical description of both of the men. It doesn't have to be a full out description, but a little hint here and there as to what they look like. Explain how Charles's black hair stands out against his light blue clothes or how Jean's brown eyes shone with amazement when Charles assigned him to keep Joan safe. Reading through this chapter, I was at a loss of physical description. There was no real picture in my head of either of the characters. So really, it was just a conversation floating out there in the open; there were no faces the voices belonged to.
Overall, a great opening chapter. As I've mentioned, we learn a lot and the story is being set up already. You don't really see that much in novels around here. Good job with that! Your writing is consistent throughout and you seem to be very sure what you are writing. Jean's opinions, although not ones I agree with (hehe), are very realistic to the time period, as was Charles's. You've done a good job keeping the story historically accurate.
I'm looking forward to reading on!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey thanks Noelle! Yeah, whenever I look back on this, I always think "ugh". There will definitely some serious rewriting going on later. xD Thank you soooo much for pointing out all that stuff. All of it will go into the later draft.
Thanks!
I like this story Therese! I decided to start at the beginning so I could know what your story is about. This review may be a two parter though as Joshua is wanting me.
Capitalize My Lord.
Why thank you mom for your review. I shall edit when I have time from all the chores you have been giving me lately.
Thanks!
Hello, I'm returning the favor for your wonderful review. It truly is a amazing writing, and all I have are nitpicks, so that's awesome..
I feel like you need a comma in there somewhere, it just feels a bit rushed and awkward.A very little nitpick that you can ignore if you want to but it bugs me that you use "in battle" so close together in the same sentence.
I like this sentiment, but I feel like you could make it stronger, especially by using words other than something, and nervous, especially since you've used the word nervous a lot already...
You need a comma after me.
I don't think you need the "in disbelief' part, him blinking and his next statement make his confusion over the Dauphin asking him that question very clear.
It may be okay here, but avoid using -ly ending adverbs as much as possible. It's an example of "show don't tell"
Again, comma after lord, inside the quotation marks.
Do you mean, replace me?
I think you need a comma after me and Lord.
A couple of things. If it's the same person speaking you don't need quotations at the end of the paragraph, but you do still need at at the beginning of the next paragraph. And I think it should be "her" instead of "she"
Two things again, I think a comma after places would help with the flow of that setence, and again, you don't need quotations after help if Charles is still speaking.
I'm not entirely sure about this but I think it's grammatically incorrect to end a sentence with "of" And I think a noblemen would know that...
I felt like it was extremely realistic(though I'm not an expert) so overall well done.
Hey, thanks for the review!!! I agree with everything you said, and I'll correct it all.
Hello ThereseCricket!
This may be a short review, but I find no flaw in you writing. So I can only congratulate you on how great it is! I do not remember the story of Joan of Ark, but after I have read all of your chapters I shall look into it. I like how you worded everything, and I'll bet that you studied the history of that era a ton before you even wrote a sentence. I shall read your next chapters, and when I'm through they will all have a review!
~Kelpies
Thanks Kelpies!!!
Hello, my friend.
First, let me say that I adore the French. I adore French history, I speak the language, I am listening to Edith Piaf sing "La vie en rose" as I write this review, and I study them to no end. I am all to excited that you have chosen to write, not only about the French, but about their history. The history behind the Joan of Arc story is fascinating, but ultimately a tragedy. I am interested to see how the story will transpire. Ah! I'm so thrilled!
As well, I am reviewing this because I saw the other half of your story in the Green Room and I cannot read anything out of order. It is heresy.
Second, a few grammatical things:
You have a penchant for the semicolon. I would advocate against its use, grammatically, in this sentence. This sentence can stand alone through commas, instead of adding a semicolon. Less is always better, in my humble opinion.
I definitely believe a semicolon is not needed in this sentence. The first clause cannot stand alone, even with the semicolon. A comma is really needed here. I may be completely off base, though.
I believe you misplaced a quotation mark here.
You are missing a quotation mark here. Perhaps, "... Charles mused. "Tell me..."
Another missing quotation mark. Try, "... Charles mused. "Men have never..."
Joan, and to never leave her side in time of war,” Charles replied, clearly amused at Jean’s reaction. [/quote]
Don't be mad, this is very nit-picky, but you have a split infinitive. Very bad habit, of my own, to get into. Don't place words into the middle of infinitives. It isn't grammatically correct, and it doesn't really flow well.
Close the commas when you are adding another clause. Like so, "... woman, and a 17 year old girl for that matter, was definitely..."
I think you meant simply Orleans.
Other than those extremely specific grammatical errors, or suggestions, everything was beautifully written.
Third, some stylistic suggestions:
I would add something before enough, be it "frequently" or "habitually." Something along those lines. It will help the sentence flow better. These will all be suggestions, by the way. I am not criticizing your style at all. I am merely commenting on what I believe would help. As well, for this sentence, I would separate the clause at the end from the rest of the sentence. It doesn't really fit with the bit at the beginning.
I would suggest breaking this up, as well. As well, "... sentences, and then breaking them..." Just to help the flow of the sentence. I say flow, as well. A lot. I am very sorry. By breaking this up, you allow the reader more time to think and take every thing, instead of jamming the entire thing into one sentence. I am not advocating for short, choppy sentences, but rather to spread everything out.
As you have already used the word awkward in the paragraph, I would not use it again right here. That may seem strange, but words like awkward really stand out. You do not want your writing to seem repetitive.
"...much less led by one..." That seemed awkward to me. It didn't make sense in conjunction with the previous clause. I know what you were trying to say, but it didn't work.
Everyone is musing all the time. Try some different words to describe their thinking.
This first sentence did not seem to flow, to me. Try, "... someone for this task was if the Maid and I..." I think the King's name would always go first, but the way you phrased it did not make sense.
"...but the inside his feelings..." Does not make sense. Did you mean, "... but on the inside, his feelings"
"...very made up" I would take out the "very." It ruins the writing style you have been employing, in my opinion.
Other than those suggestions, I think your writing is beyond fantastic.
Fourth, your characters:
I think this was the greatest single line of characterization within this first chapter. It is simple, subtle, and it shows us exactly what kind of person, and King, Charles happens to be. I loved that line. Gorgeous, in my opinion.
My greatest complaint about your characters were that I didn't feel like we got to know them at all. Yes, we learned what they thought about Joan, and a bit about how Jean feels about the situation, but I want to know more. I would extend this chapter. Let us have some alone time with Jean, perhaps before he comes to the King. That way, we see Jean with the King and Jean without the King. Besides that, I though your dialogue between the two characters was beautiful.
Fifth, your plot:
Overall, I think that you need more to tell us about what time period this is set in. I know, because I'm a Joan fanatic, but others may not. Describe the world around them. Where are they? Are they speaking French? What is going on? The more you show the reader, the more the reader is pulled into your world. They want to be drawn into a place that is different from our own, no matter how small a difference. Show us the differences.
I have absolutely no idea what social sphere Jean is in, but he is being far too sassy to that King. He definitely insulted the nobles in front of him. I was so scared! I thought Jean was going to be thrown in jail. Explain the relationship between Jean and the King, or their interaction isn't going to make sense. A King, or a wannabe- King like Charles was, needs the support of his nobles. If Jean is at court, that means that the nobles are. If Jean isn't a noble, then the nobles would have probably had him jailed, or even killed, for his words. I may be wrong, but I would look into that.
Overall, I just want to keep reading. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I'm sorry if I had a lot to say, but I just loved your writing. I always get passionate about things that I love. Keep me posted about all of your writing. I know that I will love it. Happy Writing!
ohhhh, yes. I see. I shall work on all of it. Thank you so much for reviewing!! I greatly appreciate it!
Beautiful story, my friend. I can't wait to read the next chapter!
lol, that was one awesome review you gave me by the way. Thanks a million!!
Wow. My dear slave, you blew me away.
You say you need assistance with grammar, but honestly, ignoring the occasional mistake ... it's impeccable. A lot better than most.
And detail focus--you nailed it. Zoomed in and out when necessary, inserted detail when necessary, basically established a well-measured pace. Young authors typically resort to cinematic storytelling, as they have difficulty locating their MC's voice. But I live inside the story. I know it sounds cliché-y and all, but right off, I learned which character I should pour attention into, which character is the most important, which characters are minor and major. Argh! How does it come so naturally to you, this gift?
Style ... I love it. I didn't catch any pieces of redundancy, and that is extremely extremely rare for me. I cannot stress enough how extremely extremely rare. The plot's easy to follow, and the exposition's fleshing out beautifully. Maybe I'd appreciate just the tiniest bit more on the setting, just to interrupt the dialogue. The dialogue tips the scale in the second half. But I can't stop admiring the dialogue tags, how varied they were. It's a skill I struggle with, another gift that comes naturally to you, it seems.
Just a quick lesson on punctuation:
A dialogue tag only qualifies as a dialogue tag if it contains a subject and a predicate synonymous with "said." So this should be: Jean blinked in disbelief. "[insert dialogue]"
And I might as well brush over semicolons while I'm at it. Semicolons' sole purposes are connecting independent clauses and items in lengthy lists. Independent clauses are basically phrases that can function alone as sentences, like "I went to the store" and "I bought milk." They contain a subject, predicate, and complete thought. Dependent clauses, on the other hand, lack one of those three. A dependent clause might be "bought milk." So you'd be underworking the semicolon in a sentence such as: "We were breathing hard; as it'd been quite a run." Removing the "as" would convert the dependent clause to an independent clause, and voila! the sentence is grammatically correct.
The specific nitpicks are as follows ...
This is phrased a little too vaguely for my comfort. The word "atmosphere" also already implies "whole" and "of the room," so those two phrases can be clipped. Maybe something along the lines of "the atmosphere brimmed with tension."
Sorry for the huge chunk, but just had to point out ... each sentence in this paragraph is structured the same way: "introductory phrase + subject + predicate + complete thought." In other words, a hint of active voice overuse.
Comma before "startled."
"Your Majesty" should be capitalized, as in Your Majesty and Queen, Supreme Ruler of the Universe and Whatever Universes Exist Outside It (as my name goes
No need for "Maid" to be capitalized, as an article precedes it.
"Lord" should be capitalized. Agh ... how did people even come up with these rules, right?
A "who" is required after "woman."
No need for the apostrophe.
Comma after "places."
Comma after "door."
Accidently capitalized "may" here.
Keep it up! Looking forward to more!
Ha, my grammar is impeccable?!! oohhh, except for the occasional mistake..
Her Majesty, Ruler of the Universe is feeling nice today!!! lol
Hmmm, I shall fix my grammar, as you're majesty has so kindly pointed out!!! Thanks for the review!!!
No problem
! You always underestimate yourself.
Hey Therese!
I want to know about that too! Already, it slows down the story a lot, and gives us more details just by adding those descriptions...
You're so special, you get to have my 800th review! I hope it's helpful and I'll try my best with it, okay? ^.^
I really like the character Jean, he is definitely easy to relate to. He's very good at what he does, but he doesn't like being appraised or confronted about it, just likes doing it. And this was a good opening chapter in general: we got to see the beginning of the squires mission and how he is going to be with Joan.
This chapter was all about Joan though, being talked about and not seen. One thing I hope you're wary of is that although the story is all about Joan, make sure you make Jean an in depth character of his own and not just tailing along to Joan. Because we will be seeing things mainly in his name and eyes, and well, if he is the main character he shouldn't be superficial and flimsy, should he?
One thing I would've liked to see a bit more here would be if you slowed down a little. If you slowed, you would be able to give us some more description! I particularly wanted to know what Jean looked like. Was he a skinny and slender man, but muscular and surprises everyone in a fight? Was he big and buff? Or was he tall and lanky and awkward but surprisingly stealthy, or something? Also, I wanted to know what Charles was like... he could be anyone to me right now, what does he look like! And what does his appearance tell us about him?
Another point where a bit of description would've been nice was their surroundings. Where were they? I know Charles wants to get back into power - which means he can't be in it yet - but does he have a castle already? A big mansion? If he's ordering people around I doubt he lives in some shabby house
I am not going to mention dialogue because it's been said already! But a small tip on punctuation... at the beginning of the chapter you use ; that mark a lot. Like, I noticed it quite a bit. How about you take some of those sentences and separate them out in two, otherwise we get that mark far too much and it seems repetitive punctuation-wise.
Also, you mention they are in France. So maybe you should briefly mention they were speaking in French, or something like Charles said in French. So even though we are reading English we know they speak French? Or are they speaking English in France? O.o That would be weird. Now nitpicks! (usually I put these at the top I have no clue what happened this review.)
'in battle' and 'in battle' is too samey! Let's mix it up a bit. Perhaps: Though his body was quick and graceful in a fight?
I think you mean 'I had her tested.'
Isn't that seen as disrespectful and mean? I know in the olden days everyone had to be careful with what they say. Even the walls had ears and if a servant or guard in the room didn't like what you said and told the person... well let's just say even a lord could make bad things happen to you. So maybe less insults? I thought it might be a bit dangerous.
Also, isn't there someone Jean cares about he needs to say goodbye to before he takes off? Will he get time for that? Telling us who is dear to him would give us some more insight to his character...
Okay, that's all the commentary I've got to say. And although I was really picky, because I have to make this milestone a good one, I did enjoy reading this. I would love to continue following so tag me or post on my wall whenever the next chapter is up!
Deanie x
I didn't want the 800th review!! I wanted 799th!!! sigh* I must be patient with the poor dear..
Yeah, I didn't know how to insert description at all. I don't know why. But I just went and looked over it and I think I can do it.
Thanks again DEAR!!
800th is yours. Take it or leave it woman
oohhhh, fine... cries* I just really wanted you're 799th review..
So I'm not going to leave a big, full review (although I will keep up with this because I remember you telling me you were writing it), but I wanted to tell you that "New Orleans" should just be "Orleans." New Orleans is in Louisiana; it was named after the Orleans in France, and since Joan of Arc's time was before the United States was a thing, you know...
Anyway, I think your dialogue's pretty good, but sometimes you seem to have some trouble with the formatting. Generally, dialogue should look like this:
"Words words words," said Character/Character said. "Words words."
or:
Character said, "Words words words. Words words."
or:
"Words words words." Character did action. "Words words."
or:
Character did action.
"Words words words. Words words."
So all the actual dialogue (the words the character is saying) should be within the quotation marks. If there is a dialogue tag, then the dialogue before the tag should end with a comma inside the quotation marks (unless the dialogue is a question, in which case it should end with a question mark inside the quotations). If you want to drop the dialogue tag but have the character doing an action, to kind of change things up, end the dialogue with a period or question mark or what have you (NOT a comma) and then have the action. Or put the action first and have the dialogue in one paragraph together.
I just wanted to comment on that because dialogue formatting was probably the only really distracting thing about this.
Oh, also: I know you've probably done some research for this, but watch out for sounding too much like a biography or a history book. It didn't happen much, but this line, for example:
That really reads like a line out of a biography of Jean d'Aulon (I know you spelled it d'Aloun, but d'Aulon is what I found when I checked him out online after reading this) or a person narrating a documentary. So just watch out for that sort of thing, since you want this to be a novel. Luckily that's an easy fix, and I didn't see much of it. It's just something to keep in mind.
Okay, I lied, that actually was kind of a long review. Anywho, let me know when you post more, because I'll definitely keep reading.
Blue
Ohhhhh, AWESOME REVIEW!!! Thank you soooo much!!! I will fix my dialogue pronto!!!!Thanks again!!
You're very welcome, but I can't stop laughing at your overuse of exclamation points that just makes it sound like you're basically more excited about this review than anything else, ever.
haha, I love using exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't you tell?!!!! man, everyone keeps telling me that!( I only used one that time....)lol
heheh