“You have something on your mind?” Jean asked, a smile starting to play across his mouth.
“No, sir,” the page muttered. He looked down at his hands, twisting and turning the reins about in them. Jean could tell that they were the hands of one brought up with the nobles of France. They were slender and white, like those of a woman.
Feeling Joan’s eyes on him, he glanced back at her, his smile widening.
“Then what’s the problem?” he asked, turning back to the boy. Put him at ease, is all you need to do, he thought. She’s watching anyway. Would be best to act courteous.
“I haven’t seen anybody talk to the Maid like that, is all…” the boy answered, his voice rising to a slightly higher pitch. “Everybody else treats her with reverence, or contempt.”
“And how do you treat her?” Jean asked.
“With respect, sir. She wouldn’t have become head of the army without God’s help.”
“Indeed,” Jean answered, his voice now the one sinking down to a faint mutter.
Turning his head away, Jean shifted his legs forward and tried to ignore the constant shifting against his ankle.
Even a page can sense something different about her, he thought. I wish I could ask Helen about it. She’d know what to do. How to act towards her.
Smiling at the thought of his wife, Jean reached forward and gently stroked the mane of his horse. Helen probably would tell me to just be a friend to her.
Tightening his jaw, Jean glanced behind to see the dust from the stomping hooves and feet rising up into his face. Choking, he turned around, regretting his earlier decision. The dust had entered his mouth and nose, traveled down his tubes and into his lungs.
Wryly wiping his face free of the dirt, he focused his gaze on the road ahead, and took in a deep breath of air, letting the clean breeze travel through his throat.
Maybe I could write a letter to her, when we get to Blois, he thought. Would be best to do it before the action starts in Orleans, just in case something happens.
That’s wrong thinking, he thought, shaking his head at himself. Nothing will go wrong, unless God wills it so.
“Sir,” the page began, his face showing hesitation. “Who was that girl?”
Broken from his chain of thoughts, Jean glanced at the boy. “We don’t rightly know,” he admitted. “Probably was just an innocent bystander of the witch hunt, and was thought to be the culprit.”
“She looked really hurt, sir,” the page replied.
Jean nodded, trying to keep his jaw muscles from tightening too much. “I know,” he answered. “What’s your name, boy?”
“Louis de Coutes,” the page replied, bowing his head towards Jean in a sign of respect. “My companion’s,” he jerked his head at the boy riding beside him, “name is Raymond.”
Jean nodded towards the wiry boy—riding beside Louis—whose face turned red with apparent shyness. Not wanting to press him into talking, Jean merely smiled, and looked upwards, to the sky.
A single wispy cloud floated above his head, dissipating into nothing as they passed on, further down the road.
There’s really not much to think about and do, while on the road, Jean thought. Just an endless process of dust being blown throughout in the wind, the sound of soldiers shouting, and stomping of the hooves of horses, is about all you can think about.
The dirt road passing by underneath his feet, drew his eyes to it and he just watched it for a moment.
Meanwhile, he could hear Joan twisting and turning in her saddle, with impatience. After hearing her breathe out a long sigh, he looked at her and smirked. “Are you not used to traveling for this long of periods?” he asked.
“No,” she replied ruefully. “It’s not that. Well, yes, it is. In a way,” she looked up at him and smiled, “I’m not used to something taking this long to get done. I’ve always just gone and done something as quickly as possible, to save as much time as I can. But I also can’t stop thinking about Orleans, and Blois…”
Jean looked up sharply. “What do you mean?”
“Well…” she began, her gaze drifting downwards. “I just hope they will listen to me is all. The English, that is.”
“The English are as stiff-necked as they come, Joan,” Jean replied gently. “You won’t be able to get Orleans back without a serious fight.”
“I know,” Joan said. “But I still hope that I won’t have to shed blood.”
Jean ran his hand over the saddle-horn, feeling the smoothness of it on his fingertips. “No good person ever wants to shed blood. Only in times of necessity can a person morally do so.”
Joan turned, with a surprised look on her face. “I’ve never heard you speak in such a way before,” she said.
“And you probably won’t hear me do it again,” Jean replied. “I tend to not speak about such things, unless absolutely necessary. People tend to not listen as much.”
Joan eyed him, her wavy brown hair swooping down to caress her shoulders. “I understand your meaning,” she answered. “But I don’t mind if you talk about such things, around me.”
“Are you sure?” Jean asked, his eyes sparkling at her. “Most girls these days, dislike discussing serious topics.”
“I’m not most girls,” Joan replied softly. “I hope you can see that.”
“I can see it,” Jean simply answered.
She smiled, her lips parting to reveal white, strong looking teeth. Her face—momentarily thrown into shadow from a passing oak tree—looked almost gentle. “I’m glad of that.”
Yes, Jean thought. I can definitely tell that you’re different from most.
He craned his head, and peered around her, looking for Sier de Gourcout. The tall bony man was sitting perched on his horse, with a map in one hand and a pencil in the other. Jean could see that he was slowly tracing a line throughout the map, but why he could not tell.
Let’s hope he truly isn’t up to nothing, Jean thought, his face creasing with worry.
Though he knew it was generally unheard of to mistrust ones superior, he also couldn’t forget the look on Goucourts face that had been so apparent earlier.
Glancing up at the sky again, Jean measured the position of the sun, and gathered from his observation that it was three hours after midday. Probably won’t stop for another two or three hours, he figured. Especially not with the considerable amount of delays.
The clouds that swirled across the sun and around it, cast a shadow on the long stretch of soldiers, wearily marching down the dirt road. In four perfect lines, they marched. Not crossing each other’s paths and keeping a steady pace, the trees slowly went by them.
Glancing at the girl swaying in her saddle beside him, and then going beyond her, and saw the Archbishop and Goucourts. Shaking his head he turned away, and ignored the two men for the time being.
Sitting there for hours upon end, the sound of the soldiers feet constantly marching, and wind whistling through his ears, he found his eyelids beginning to fall downwards. Shaking himself, he blinked wearily and fixed his red-rimmed eyes on the road. But his eyelids once again began to slide down.
Hearing her laughter next to him, he lifted his head and eyed her merry face.
“Trouble staying awake?” she asked, her eyes twinkling at him.
Jean smiled and halfway yawned, before he forced himself to close his mouth and answer her question. “Yes, you and I suffer from the same affliction.”
He gestured towards the road, indicating the tall trees, the deep ditch off to the side, with water cascading downwards on it. “It’s easy to forget what’s most important, when you’re fighting a war, isn’t it? I always found it so… Always the struggle to win, and never a time to just stop and think. Never a time to thank God for he’s done for us.”
He smiled at her, brushing his bushy brown hair out of his eyes once again. “You ever think that, sometimes?”
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I think this may be my favourite chapter so far....
Ohh, goody. Thanksss.
Hey Therese!
I actually really this chapter. I can find next to nothing wrong with it that I can add on top of the other fabulous reviews you've received. I saw that you took into mind what I said in the previous review, about having Jean talk to some of the other people making up the company. I felt so pleased when I saw that you'd managed to include it in there :3 On top of that, I liked how you mentioned Jean's wife in this chapter. It reminds me that he has a family and things like war is not really his whole life. Another thing I noticed was the chapter break. I like how you put it in the middle of the conversation. Nice idea ^.^
Because of the way this sentence sounds when I read it, I would make that last comma a full stop instead. And then have the final sentence being 'It's all you can think about' instead. To me this just flows better, even if it is a minor thing.
It's funny because, even though I know Jean has probably seen a lot of wars, it just sounds like he is talking as this war has already started, even though it hasn't. Not technically, anyway xD Maybe in this part where he's talking about all the things he admires, you could mention that he is trying to enjoy all he can and be thankful before the war begins.
As for the rest of this, I feel like overall you did a really good job. I know we're getting a lot of dialogue and discussions because this is a journey and as you put yourself, there isn't much to do a trip like this. But I feel like I am getting a bit tired of purely having conversations filling up the chapters? Maybe it's time for them to arrive, or maybe even throw another obstacle their way. Perhaps it has something to do with the witch hunt that has recently passed. Either way, I need something that will give us a bit more action when it comes to narrative and less speaking, in a way. Something that really involves Jean himself instead of leaving it behind for other people to deal with.
I really... don't have much to say xD So I am sorry for this review being fairly short and useless, but there is nothing more to cover that hasn't been picked up on already ^^ As always, let me know when you post the next chapter! I am curious to know what is going to happen next.
Deanie x
Livvy, your reviews are soooo awesome, and this one was just as good being shorter than the other ones! Oh, I see what you mean about the conversations. I'll work something in, for the next chapter now! Thanks! And I'll edit those nitpicks as soon as possible. Thank youuu soooo much!
D'aww...leave me off in the middle of a conversation, why don't you. Geeeeeez.
So, I liked seeing further interaction between Joan and Jean, and it's nice to see the way Jean is warming up to the Maid, despite his initial misgivings because--ye gods! a WOMAN leading an army? My main suggestion for this chapter is actually to tighten it by concentrating more on that--it seems like, for a bit in the middle there, you lost focus a bit. Describing the clouds at length, the dust, etc...
Naturally, there's not much going on when you're traveling in a story. The witch hunt in the previous part distracted a bit from that by providing some action to break up the dullness of the army tramping down the road. Now, I had trouble with this for a short time in my story when Christian was wandering around the Otherworld on his own, but my problem was that he was by himself. In your case, you have a lot of opportunity to keep things interesting because, although the army is simply marching toward their destination, you have multiple characters around to interact. So rather than showing clouds--unless they forecast a change in the weather that might inconvenience the army--and focusing on the dust so much, you can focus the chapter more on the conversation between Jean and Joan (which even means the continuation of that conversation that you so maddeningly interrupted could go in this chapter as well).
I'm also curious about a) the focus on the page and his companion (is that a fellow page or a servant or?)--will they be important later? If so, this is probably fine, but if not then there's too much focus on minor characters. A passing word or so would be better, in that case, or at least leave off the first page's companion, since he really didn't say anything.
And b) Jean's suspicions of Sier de Gourcout. This is something interesting he could be thinking about in more detail as he rides along. What exactly are his suspicions? What exactly makes him feel suspicious in the first place? I'd like to know more about that.
Btdubs, a minor point--correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this is the first time Jean's wife has been mentioned, yes? In which case I think this is a bit late in the story to suddenly inform us that he's married. Just a passing mention or something in an earlier chapter would help. I mean, it wasn't a huge shock or anything, but it would just flow better if we were already privy to this info.
Blue
Ahh, I get what you're saying! I need to stop describing sunsets and focus just a bit more on the characters and stuff like that, right?
Hmm, is the name page not clear enough? Do you think I need to describe his position more, or something like that? Therese isn't sure now. Page typically means a messenger of sorts, and a servant as well. I'll make that clearer when I go back to edit.
Hmm, I think Helen was mentioned once before, but only in the first chapter. I'll work in a reference to her, in some earlier chapter as well.
Thanks Blue! I totes did not entirely leave you in that conversation. I was merely formatting a plan of attack, and then I had to go make dinner before I got killed by my brother. XD
Heh heh, no, not THAT conversation. I meant the way this chapter ended in apparently the middle of a conversation between two characters.
Anyway, I understand what a page is, more or less, I just meant--if the page does not become more of a character later on, then I think the amount of time spent on a conversation between him and Jean is too much. That's all.
Ah, now I get it! XD Thanks Bluuueeee. I'll work on that conversation. Yeah, he's not going to be that big of a character, so you're right in that. XD Thanks!
You are one lucky Cricket! Hey, Cuz! I'm like reviewing all your new works.
Nitpicks!
Sorry I only have 6 nitpicks, but SOMEONE *looks at Timmy* nitpicked this to death. Hee hee.
There are three commas in this sentence, but it is not a list. I suggest splitting it up. Like so:
Wryly wiping his face free of the dirt, he focused his gaze on the road ahead. He took in a deep breath of air, letting the clean breeze travel through his throat.
I've underlined that little bit because it is unnecessary. When you say "blown" I automatically think wind, so telling us that just isn't needed.
Should be "Goucourt's" face. I think "that had been so apparent earlier" is unnecessary.
Why not put "forget the apparent look on Goucourts face"?
I think if Jean was measuring the position of the sun, it would take more than a glance. Maybe he "gazed" up?
Just a little pointer, but seeing as we can only see half of the sun, and the sun isn't in our atmosphere, so I think you should cut out "around it" as it feels like you're saying literally "around" the sun.
This could be much simpler, like so:
Sitting there for hours upon end, the sound of the constant marching feet and the wind whistling through his ears, he found his eyelids were beginning to fall downwards.
Other stuff!
Like Timmy said, I think that s nice that Jean has taken a different course of action/ a different tactic in a way to befriend Joan. It is nice to see your character development in this chapter, as you portray Jean as a fighter, that he never gives up, he's obviously a good man. And I liked that a lot. Recently, one if my readers of Truant said that it was nice to see how the character had re-played a situation, but shown how they have got strong and improved - it reflects well on your characters, if it is a good change, or bad.
I love reading your descriptions, the character's thoughts and feelings, actions and dialogue - especially dialogue, which I think is a key aspect in your writing. Seeing as you don't get to hear Joan's thoughts and can only go by with what you think, it is nice to read what she is saying as it well, says a lt about someone XD their tone of voice, what they say, what they talk about gives us a clear picture as to how a character is.
I think you have really opened up to us in this chapter. It's live a revelation! It is nice for you to open up the past to us and take it from your perspective as some of us know alot about Joan and her history. The fact that you had her open up to Jean is a nice character development, it was a lovely thing to read.
I'm glad I asked to be tagged!
Yours sincerely,
Traunt
YOU.ARE.SO.AMAZING!!!!! Thank you soooo much cousin!!!! hehe, timmy loves nitpicking... thanks for the nitpicks!
*dies of compliments* YOU. ARE. TOO!
At least I got to nitpick XD
You're extra welcome, Cuz
yeah, he must have been feeling lazy cause he's been accused of picking a piece to death, and not leaving anything left over. XD Thank youuu so much!
XD hahaha.
No problem!
Timmy here!
So my first thought here was that Jean seems to be becoming... accustomed to the ways of this strange (to him) woman, and how she reacts to things. Instead of behaving like he did in the other chapter, he has taken the route of kindness, and trying to befriend her--which seems to be working out better for him, anyway. It's interesting reading their conversations and seeing it how you describe. One would think he is becoming to like her for who she is, and begin to see past his disbelief and like her as her person, not just her mission which he still thinks is made belief, fabricated by either her imagination or that of her superiors.
While this might make some females a little upset (hehe, Olivia), and sound perhaps a little demeaning because it sounds like you are calling them weak, it fits perfectly with their time and the woman of France, who I understand were like that back then. I like that part.
The Em-dash seemed really out of place here. Perhaps you could simply take it out and see how the sentence flows? It seems as though it would flow through without even adding anything after removing the M-dash.
Again, I think if you took the Em-dash out and simply worded the sentence like this--Her face looked almost gentle as the passing oak tree momentarily threw it into shadow--or something similar to maintain your beautiful flow.
Nope. Made me think of a horse. I think just stating she had white teeth is plenty without adding the strong part. She is a young girl. One would assume her teeth are in good condition. ^.^
ones should be one's, I think.
This isn't really a nitpick, but more of a general comment on your way of doing internal dialogue. It's great done this way, and really makes it sound like he is talking inside his head, but to me it became a little... overdone. At least, in my opinion. You can ask the other reviewers what they think, though.
Look at that sentence: You could just as easily have said that without italics and done it like this: He figured it probably wouldn't stop for another two or three hours, especially not with the considerable amount of delays. Not all internal dialogue has to be blatant talking to one's self. It can be inserted into the story itself, and just become like the rest--and not dialogue.
I love the way you do internal dialogue, but sometimes a few of them seem unnecessary.
I thought this was a very neat chapter. I really liked the conversation between Jean and the page. I mean, this Loius guy seems like he had a character arc in just this one chapter! He started out quite shy and hesitant to speak his opinion, but as the chapter went on, he became stronger and actually spoke to Jean in a way that made me think of someone with internal strength. Back then, speaking to your superiors in any way like that had to be kind of tricky, and possibly dangerous. It was only natural for him to begin that way.
Joan was more of a background character in this, coming into it only later in the chapter and acting as more of a sideline character in the rest. But her conversation with Jean, especially towards the end when they were talking about war and the struggle, was very good and seemed totally in character for both of them. I mentioned this before, but I love how he is beginning to see her for who she is, and not what she thinks she was meant to do. I only hope that someday he will look at her and see her for what she truly is, and in both ways: A young woman sent by God to save their country.
Amazing job! Looking forward to the next.
~Darth Timmyjake
I'm going to give you the biggest hug ne next time you stand still for it. OK? XD DonkaShein timmy! (I think I spelled that right... ) XD