How could you?
I trusted you and let you know my darkest secrets,
Secrets that I trusted no one else with.
I spent time with you.
I let my guard down and now I'm in pain,
You're looming over me and I'm scared.
I have no idea what your intentions are and I close my eyes
And start to silently cry.
I feel your thumb stroke my cheek and I cry harder.
I realize then that I loved you,
And even now, though I'm scared, I still want to be near you.
As you wrap your hands around my neck
And lean down to kiss my lips while I take my last breaths
I think, 'How could you?' then 'How could I?'
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141,755 Literary Works • 675,686 Reviews
Hello, Teddybear22, I'm BellaRoma, here with a review on this lovely piece
Sadly, I don't know a lot about poetry, so this review will probably be quite short.
I have to admit, I am with the others, in the sense that I believe you should work on this. This was really moving, which is why it caught my eye. The final line was beautiful...
Quick thing that I spotted: you put "aroung" where you should have put "around" - an accidental, fixable typo, I'm sure.
Poetry has slightly different rules of punctuation and grammar to prose, so I don't think I can offer any more... appropriate nitpicks (told you I know nothing!) Maybe just add some commas in to create a few pauses here and there.
Your writing is very pleasant to read as a whole. Maybe I will look at some other works of yours...
Wow, great job Teddybear22,
I think there are some slight grammatical errors but overall the effect of the poem as a whole is powerful. I love the ending questions, it ties into the feelings of the lovers. I look foward to reading more.
Thanks for the critique, Snoink. I really need to improve on my poetry. But i will go over the poem and try to fit in some more details. Thanks again!
Hello Teddybear!
So! Hopefully you'll be able to see it and stuff. The poem itself reminded me of a poem I did when I was sixteen (ahh! time flies!) and when I saw it, I thought, "AHHH! DEJA VU!" But it's all good. 
First of all, welcome to YWS! It's nice to see you so active and yet so new.
Now, for your poem, I did a video critique, which is what I've been doing lately just because it's easier for me.
The video is located here: http://revver.com/video/1288249/affilia ... could-you/
If you can't see it or anything, bug me about it and I'll write a proper critique.
thanks, i wrote this the other night out of thin air. and no it isn't from personal experiences, so thanks for all the comments. :p
I love this poem
I know how you feel, if this is based on real life events. I love the accusing yet philosophical tone of this poem and how easy it is to relate to. 'How could I' this poem shows that turning point when a person realises that despite all the person's faults we are all gulity in our own way, even if it's of a small crime like forgiveness-I assume this was what the kiss part was about, anyway.
Great job
Keep up the good work
Loved it
Sarah
xxxx
language is a bit clumsy at points, but very nice ending, good twist.
Work on it and it could be brilliant.