Broken pieces scattered about.
Trying to remember how they got there,
I injure myself with a scattered memory.
I found bits and pieces under the table
only to see them fall through my hands.
I feel nothing, nor can i remember by myself.
You walked in holding out your hand expecting
me to grab it.
When i try, i pass right through.
Broken pieces scattered about.
You try to understand, but i flee trying to
hide my tears. Though you realze what is happening
you don't ignore the foreboding whisper, leave.
Broken pieces scatered about.
You run after me trying not to stop,
as you try to grab me, i feel your hands.
I stopped running only to be grabbed into
your embrace. I'm whole. With your loving
attitude you brought me back.
Broken pieces scattered about.
Now i can pick up the pieces of my
memories and continue the journey that
I once knew. Now i'm back because i knew you.
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140,722 Literary Works • 673,680 Reviews
Okay. You had some punctuation and grammar mistakes. I suggest you fix them. Especially the uncapitilized I. People will eat you alive for doing that! My favorite part of the poem was the lastv few lines:
[quote]Broken pieces scattered about.
Now I can pick up the pieces of my
memories and continue the journey that
I once knew. Now I'm back because I knew you. [quote]
Nice flow, although I do love you last poem a bit more...
Great job, good luck, and keep writing. PM me when you get your next post out!
Hey, guys. I really don't know if this one will be as good as the last one, but I hope that I can keep up with you all! I wrote this two years ago when I was going through a hard time, so this is sort of personal for me. But I really would like your critiques.