Young Writers Society

WOW!
This is amazing! You are really good at making these kinds I hope and think that your future will be good with your stories!!!!!!


KEEP IT UP~~~~

Thanks clueless. I really need the tips if anything sounds too plain. And I love that song! Casting Crowns never get old.

That was lovely. Here's an in detail critique, in case you want to improve.



"Did you ever know that there was a journey to Forever?--was could be IS. That gives more of a picture of the NOW part of it. Present tense.

All it takes is just a little bit of faith and you're off.

How often do you stop and look at the pictures of the past?--Good line, posing a question.

Scattered memories and dreams.

Thinking it slipped by so fast.

The path is always there,

but sometimes we take a detour on a side trail,--For it not to be confusing, you might consider keeping consistent capitalization going on your fist words of the lines.

saying I can always come back.--Capital S. A comma after saying would help to break it up a little, and make it sound like a person is talking.

But we can only move forward.

Sometimes we dream and relive a far off memory

or we remember a memory of a scattered dream.--Capital O. "Remember a memory" tripped me up a little, it sounds very repetitive. Try, or we visit a memory of a scattered dream. It sounds a little better.

Though we never truly go back in time.--Stating the obvious, but somehow it works for this poem...

Our past is what shapes our future

and without it we lose ourself into the memories--Capital A.Ourself should be ourselves. If you want to say self and not selves it would have to be MYself.


Bravo.

and dreams that never existed.--Capital A.

So do you understand that you are on a journey to forever?

Didn't think so,

because this is only a memory of a scattered dream.--This part isn't a very good ending, It's not poetic enough for this lovely poem that you have. Try something like....

So now you can you realize that you are on a journey to forever?

I think not.

For this is only a memory of a scattered dream.

Thanks guys! I actually got my inspiration from the Kingdom Hearts video game. You know the part when Sora is talking in the beginning about his memories. It just caught my eye and I wrote what I felt about it. But thanks for the reviews. I really didn't think that it was that great.

I really liked this because it mounted a different perspective on our heads and made us look deeper into your writing to see the true meaning and also to look back at ourselves and how it reflects on our life, i thank you for this writing.



KEEP IT UP!!!!

WOAH! Teddy, this was very good! The user above me is correct! You are a brilliant writer and I have never thought of this before! Very good and keep writing!

I really liked this piece,
it was really beautiful.
you are a brilliant writer.
that piece was really amazing and wonderful.
goodluck for the future!!!!!