Bored of life,
Yet scared of death,
I hang somewhere in between.
Not willing to live,
Not yet ready to die,
It is a crazy scene.
All I wanted,
All I loved,
Has disappeared off the face of earth.
The crazy, cruel world
Has left me alone
to wallow in my agony and hurt.
Snatched away from me my joys,
Snatched away my fears.
All emotions have escaped me,
even my own tears.
This world has a way
of changing things
for good or for worse.
As tragedy strikes,
Everyone turns their backs,
I am abandoned with my wounds to nurse.
As I stand on this cliff today,
All my strength is gone.
The world has sucked it all from me,
Left me aloof and forlorn.
As a child
my mother used to say,
"Be Afraid Never"
So today I finally shed all my fears
And say
Goodbye Forever.
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140,080 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
hey this one is REALLY nice!! i really liked it a lot!! it just shows how one is so depressed of life that he/she can't live anymore. but also that he/she is afraid to die. the way you describe the confusion one has as in what to do- live or die is very strong and catches the reader in the first stanza itself. that is very impressive. the reason for the person to be so depressed is not clear but that is only the beauty of the poem. it's evident that the person blames the cruel world for what he/she is now. and the emotionless state which you have talked about is both true and very effectively described in the poem. it portrays the betrayal that one has suffered and i liked this line of yours that goes like
"Everyone turns their backs,
I am abandoned with my wounds to nurse."
three stanzas of your poem show true sadness and pain that has compelled one to take this step in their life. my favorite line in your poem was
"As a child
my mother used to say,
"Be Afraid Never""
it is because the person is now after many years is finally taking the advice of his/her mother (that's what i came to think of it!) and that too to end his/her life. the irony is well depicted. really nice. i loved it!
Thank you so much for your lovely comments!
Also, thanks for the follow.
Hi Sybarite and welcome to YWS! You wrote a beautiful poem but a few changes would make it even more polished, so onto the review/critiques.
1st stanza:
"Hang" doesn't need to be capitalized and I don't thing it adds to capitalize it. I understand that you need something to rhyme with between and scene is a good fit, but I would change the word 'crazy' when you use it in the 1st and 2nd stanza because it's overused to the point of its meaning loosing some of its value. In this instance does crazy mean: exciting, confusing, busy, insane, unstable, mad?
3rd stanza:
I really like this one's words especially "snatched" which builds on the imagery and forced feeling. I would suggest changing ------------------
"All emotions have escaped me,
even my own tears" --------------- to "All emotions have escaped me, and so have my tears" or "All emotions have escaped me, as well as my tears" or even "All emotions...., even my sorrow" I suggest that just because "tears" are not an emotion so it doesn't make sense in that context.
4th stanza:
I like this line alot and it finnishes the stanza well but you maybe could consider breaking it up or making it a little shorter somehow just to add to the cohesion. And so that its more of a similar length to the other lines. "I am abandoned with my wounds to nurse."
Last stanza:
The last stanza is a really memorable, and emotional conclusion to the poem.
Great job again, sorry if the review sounded harsh, everything I said was just my suggestions and I think you wrote an excellent poem!
I hope to read more of your work in the future!
~alli-y~
Hey! First of all, thank you for your great comments. This is one of my first attempts at poetry, so this response is overwhelming
Secondly, I really appreciate the fact that you read the poem and took pain to review it. I will take care of the mistakes. Thanks.
Beautiful. I swear, my heart just twisted as I read the last stanza. My eyes are all big and round right now!! D: This is SUPERB. TERRIFIC. WONDROUS.
Personally, I like poems much better when they rhyme but still evoke as much feeling -- if not more -- than if they didn't rhyme.
At first I didn't think you would rhyme in the poem, but I am so glad you did.
Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I wish there were a 'Love' button on here -- I don't like this poem, I LOVE it! <3
- Wonder
Thank you. Your review has made my day!
this poem brought tears to my eyes. partially, because i know how it feels, to be alone. you did very well. keep writing
thanks
thanks
This is a very good poem. There is a lot of emotion in it and it is very sad. It makes me want to cry for the chracter speaking in it, makes me want to help them. I love how you took the line "Be afraid never" which would usually be a positive thought and changed it to be a negitive thought. It brung a tear to my eye reading this. It is the best poem i have read. Its as if all the saddness and despair and loneless is radiating out from the words and the computer screen and hitting you straight in the heart.
Keep writing poems, you have a great talent!!
I was really scared about the reviews I'd be getting for it. Honestly, I never expected such great comments. Thanks a ton!
pal, this poem is very nice plus depressing. i am depressed, ur poem is based on suicidal tendency which is a nyc theme. i like it. u r a awesome, cool poet of 21st century. u can do even more better. this peice is mind blowin...............i want some more. write another poem for me.........but this poem should based on the theme'happiness'.
Sure...'Happiness' poem coming up soon
"Snatched away from me my joys,
Snatched away my fears.
All emotions have escaped me,
Even my own tears."
This is my favorite stanza in your poem. You can feel the despair and sadness, which I hope is what you were going for. The mood of this poem is despairing and lonely, you can tell that's what you were going for. But you captured these feelings in a way I've only seen professional writers do. How did you do it? This is magnificent!
"As a child
my mother used to say,
"Be Afraid Never"
So today I finally shed all my fears
And say
Goodbye Forever."
Another brilliant piece of a brilliant piece. I feel how you took what the narrator's mother said and twisted it, as a depressed person might do to make their next actions seem right. A sense of duty is mixed in with the despair and twinge of fear. Beautiful. Twisted, but Beautiful.
This is a glorious piece and I leave reading it with only one question:
Is this how you think of the world?
~Racket
Thank you for your lovely comments. I really appreciate it. Oh, and don't worry- I am fairly content and happy in my life. Not at all suicidal
It is just that I find it easier to convey the sad emotions. They flows naturally whereas the joyous and happy emotions take a little bit of effort and brainstorming. Though I will try to write something optimistic too!
This is amazing. I think is one of my favorite poems on this website so far. The only thing I noticed was you made a few mistakes in the second stanza. Nothing to big, or hard to change, so no worries. Please let me know if you write anymore.
Thank you
This is a brilliant piece! I totally feel the mood of despair. You have just started this website and have all ready made a brilliant piece! As one of your first, this is beautiful! You have a wonderful talent. I will leave you a better review on what I loved in a moment. But this is great!