Her beautiful hands stretch out,
gently caressing my cheek,
wiping my eyes of their sadness,
singing to me my mother's lullaby.
Dazed mind, calm breath, limp body,
as I give in to blissful sleep.
Lover, happiness, ignorance,
her touch sending me to divinity.
And she throws down my pains
to drown in the red sea.
Away, away, she takes me far
to serenity, to peace.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
I love how the female figure in this poem, brings many forms of love to the table.
She gives of a motherly love, and the love you'd get from a lover. Yet, love is never mentioned directly.
I do have to wonder if the love she brings is pure, or slightly sadistic in nature. Does she bring peace from pain, or blissful pain? Is she calming the narrator or delivering him to something more?
I guess that's the point. The meaning doesn't need to be direct, for it to be beautiful. Either way, i truly like this.
Good luck to you.
Thank you! Well, she is open to interpretation. It is up to the reader whether they want her to be good or bad. But as for me, I wrote her as a sadist, a representation of blissful pain. (You got the point exactly!) Once again, thanks for your review.
In this poem, I was actually very captivated by this female figure throughout. It adds such a layer of depth to me. This female character makes me think even more deeply about this poem, like if she is good or bad, depending on the point of view, and where she is being taken.
In my mind, even though I read it in a calm peaceful and serene tone, I felt as if some of the lines didn't match the tone of the first few lines. Perhaps a sort of transition in the female figure, or a transformation of some sort.
I really enjoyed this! Keep writing, I hope to read more soon!
Thank you so much! I'll see how I can improve the tone to make this flawless.
Lovely!
Hi there, Laughmaster here for reviewing your poem.
I agree with the previous reviewer. You have an impeccable sense of word choice. The words you have chosen fit exactly where they should.
Those lines are enough to indicate you're going to follow your poem in a soft breezy manner. Words aren't restrained, they are more crafty presented.
This was really crafty. Words are flowing effortlessly. I don't think you should substitute "Lover" here. Lover ain't just restricted to romantic partner at least not in poetry. You should be given freedom to choose words you like. In fact lover is the perfect word here because in a way you're breaking the cliched norm and providing new dimension to 'lover'
Poignant end! This was really superlative work. I do feel that you can add some more emotions to it but still I very much like this.
Great job!
Laughmaster's rating: 8.5/10
Thank you! Your review made my day. I'm glad you liked the poem. I agree that lover is not just a romantic term. It's more subjective, I feel. Who exactly is a lover? Your definitions may vary from mine, yet both will be correct. For some, it's only a romantic connection, while for others it;s more than that. There is no right or wrong. Again, thanks a ton.
I agree, you have a very soft vocabulary and I found myself whispering the words as I read. Like if I read it in my normal tone, the words would come to harshly. I love the flow. Its not jumpy to me.
i enjoyed this.
My only criticism is that at first I thought a caretaker or mother was comforting her child. And then you go on to call her a Lover because of her touch. To me, Lover is a romantic word. If that's not what you were going for, ( a very intimate term as Lover), I would think of another.
Excellent though.
I agree, you have a very soft vocabulary and I found myself whispering the words as I read. Like if I read it in my normal tone, the words would come to harshly. I love the flow. Its not jumpy to me.
i enjoyed this.
My only criticism is that at first I thought a caretaker or mother was comforting her child. And then you go on to call her a Lover because of her touch. To me, Lover is a romantic word. If that's not what you were going for, ( a very intimate term as Lover), I would think of another.
Excellent though.
Thanks for your review! I feel like lover is a vast and subjective term. Who exactly is a lover? For you, someone romantic. For me, someone I love and who loves me back, whether a mother or a girlfriend. Again, thanks a lot!
Reading the poem was like touching something delicate.
)
As if silk would tenderly brush your skin but still very engaging.
I really liked it.
I hope you understand what I mean (I was told my way of expressing myself is weird unclear
I understand perfectly what you are trying to say. Thanks a lot! I'm happy you liked the poem.