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12+

Welcome to life

by TheMulticoloredCyr


Welcome to life

You’re breathing.

Equipped with free will, you’re human

That’s the one thing you’ll have till’ you chest holds still.

Keep breathing

And breathing

And breathing

Try not to think

Thoughts are poison

Don’t drink

To be human is to hurt

So try not to feel

Let your anxiety grow

Let it feed till it kills

Breathe.

There are people around you

Their eyes give you chills

You sit at a table

A bottle before you

“Drink me”

You’re human

You have free will

You drink.

Thoughts pour in

You’re in pain, you see spots

You’re trapped in your head

Barred from reality, fort knox

Every word from your mouth

A calculated thing

One wrong word

Hear the warning bells ring

They hate you

They hate you

They hate you

You’re wanted around

You’re valued

You’re loved

Those words don't belong here

In this prison of yours

No, not a prison, your mind

Because you’re human, you see

This is what it is to be alive

so just breathe.


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109 Reviews


Points: 11267
Reviews: 109

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Thu Jun 20, 2019 4:10 pm
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silvermoon17 wrote a review...



I like the irregular way of display of all your ideas- the wya you pass from life to breathing to your chest holding still. You really keep us hooked from beginning to end, you seem to have second meanings everywhere.. but I still have something to say. I think one great way at improving your writing skills, which are already surprisingly high, is to add imagery. Maybe not description (yes, I never thought I would ever say this) but imagery. Metaphors, similes, personification- you know, that shit. But hey, I love your style and my tiny review is but a review; I’m not asking you to change- because this is fAb. Keep on writing! I like the part (hear the warning bells/ they hate you/ they hate you/ they hate you)
*did I miss one?*
And the reason I like this is because
1. I can relate
2. Lots of people can relate
3. The insistence on these words really make an impressive effect on us
4. You kinda put in words what we always think about
5. You put it out so simply we never even think twice, although the words hit us the same
Basically, I lOvE tHiS




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Points: 64
Reviews: 3

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Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:50 am
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Mess wrote a review...



This is... Honestly way too relatable. So relatable it's scary. I felt chills down my spine reading this, and honestly my eyes leaked a lil.(I'm not crying you are)
So... Uh yeah, review.*Wipes tears* I just loooove the structure of this poem. It feels like.. Me? It accurately describes the mood, I guess you could say.

The things that got me the most were "drink me", "thoughts are poison" and "trapped in your head". The flow is amazing (imo) but the thing that caught me off guard is the missing period at the start and then a period right after that. You should probably either get rid of all periods or put them everywhere. I personally would not put a period anywhere to simbolise the fact that this neeeeever stops. It goes on and on and on. Humans are suffer puppets after all. I also agree with FlamingPhoenix. The title is amazing. Keep writing <3




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562 Reviews


Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

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Thu Jun 20, 2019 8:59 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room for you.

Okay let's start.

To me it would be nice to have some punctuation in this here and there, so you can bring across the emotion that you have put in here so well, out more. It's just a small thing if you don't agree then don't worry about it, because I know poems don't need punctuation.

Anyway. I love the name you have chosen for this work, it fits it rather well, when I first started reading this poem, with the way you started it, it was like your a baby and you have finally come into the world, and with the way the rest of the poem went it was like you were explaining how the life of this child is, it gets tough but just keep breathing. That is what came across for me when I read this.
I didn't see any spelling mistake in this work. Everything was really well written, and your choice of words were amazing. I don't think I could have written this any better even if you asked me to. So amazing job.

Well that's all from me. I'm glad I had the chance to read and review this wonderful work, and I hope I will get to read and review another one of your works soon. So don't ever stop writing and post again on YWS soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.





A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases...
— John Keats