Not always the world is beautiful
Not always the mind is zestful
Not always the mood is cheerful
Not always the gesture is graceful
Not always the persona is tactful
Though the world is full of beauty and nature
With all the things to cherish n nurture
But not always we wander as a traveller
As life is not only a plan as philosopher
Sometimes we need to go to an astrologer
Do we really want to know what is in future
How can it be possible to believe in it by paper
Oh ! Is the God now came within us as predictor?
Being a human we have to think very clear
Do we have to believe or not in fake readers
This is not only state of mind of achievers
Just giving few important things as an advisor
Not always the life is beautiful
Not always the mind is zestful
TGS
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi! So I liked the idea of this poem, but I personally had trouble following the structure. The lines seemed to have trouble flowing. I'm not sure if its supposed to be following a rhythm or pattern, but I just had trouble with the flow of the poem. Other than that, I think the piece is pretty good. I hope to see more from you in the future!
-E
Thank you!
Hi there! good poem! I only have a few suggestions. First off, Structure.
.
"Not always the world is beautiful
Not always the mind is zestful
Not always the mood is cheerful
Not always the gesture is graceful
Not always the persona is tactful"
I would just switch the words around some. Like this;
"The world is not always beautiful
The mind is not always zestful..." ect.
"With all the things to cherish n nurture"
On this line, I would put "cherish and nurture." Though that may have been a typo.
It flows easier and makes it easier to read and understand.
"But not always we wander as a traveller
As life is not only a plan as philosopher"
These lines. The first line I would change it to something like this;
"But we don't always wander as a traveller,
As life is not only a plan, as a philosopher."
"Do we really want to know what is in future"
The way you have phrased this line, makes it sound like a question. So put a question mark at the end, or phrase it differently. Also, put "The" Between "in" and "Future."
Just things like that. Other than that it is a great poem! I hope this helped!
Thank you so much!
Hey there TZH!
I like the theme of the poem and the optimism of the introductory line you wrote.
However, I feel like you've eaten up words and omitted letters from words in order to rhyme the lines. Although writing poetry allows that kind freedom, there should be a poetic feel to it. Also, try to concentrate more on punctuation, it really brings out the meaning of the poem. Lastly, although it is a fantastic effort, you haven't actually been able to put your message across very clearly. So maybe you could try to work on that?
These are just my suggestions, you need not bother with them.
But all in all, great job! Keep writing!!
Thanks