Young Writers Society

It's smartdog90 here, doing another review!

I like how you keep the flow almost completely perfect. There were only two instances that messed it up because it didn't rhyme; first was:

"the way to travel is full of pits 'n' pitches,.
so many obstacles but if one is sure ....reaches."

This doesn't work because pitches and reaches don't rhyme, the second part was:

"the way of life one passes swinging, swirling,
getting all the assets swaying in the mood of singing."

It actually would rhyme if you switched 'swinging, swirling' to 'swirling, swinging' so that the second word rhymes with singing.

I also liked how the title makes sense, it tells how you should live your life in a happy way. Another thing I think would make this a little bit easier to read is capitalizing certain lines.

This has been another review by smartdog90... Keep on writing

Yolo peoples!!! LadyRanicorn here for another amazing review!!!!! Wow, I love the straightforward feel that you go going here in the poem. I know that this is a bit early for me to start on the whole reviewing process(that is if you've read some of my other reviews, if not, well lets just say that this is totally normal for me) but hey, gotta make some exceptions here, am I right??? You described the way of life EXACTLY in that one stanza, or at least I think it's called a stanza, "The way of life is very complicated." And also the perfect example of what I said earlier. However, I do believe that you try to liven this poem up a bit so that it seems a BIT more interesting to the reader, further inciting them to read through this marvelous poem. Maybe add a part where instead of "getting gracious or gorgeous and walk through .... the way of life.." but make it a part where the mother/daughter figure doesn't just walk through, but defy's it. Wow, this is a HUGE review, I probably just a new record for myself, so before I go into another one of my endless rableings LadyRanicorn out!!!!!!!!

Hi there TZH! Niteowl here to review.

Overall, I think this has some good ideas, but it's being dragged down by a couple big problems.

1) In general, I find that poems about "big ideas" like life or love tend to fall apart easily. It's hard to cover such big subjects without resorting to cliches or just sounding bland. I find that stronger poems express their ideas by focusing on something smaller--a scene, an image, a moment. In this way, you can use images, metaphors, and other poetic devices to say something about these bigger ideas in a more interesting way than just saying "this poem is about life".

2) Rhyme schemes are a double edged sword. Done well, a structure can really enhance a poem, but rhyme schemes are not essential to a good poem. In fact, I feel like in many cases a poor rhyme scheme without meter distracts from a poem and doesn't help at all. If a rhyme scheme is significantly hurting your word choice and grammar, I say try free verse first.

To end this on a positive note, there are a couple lines that are really cool. The third line about snow is cool--you could definitely build on the snow imagery! I also like the sound of "pits n' pitches".

In general, I suggest finding a sharper focus and dumping the rhyme scheme. Above all else, keep writing!