"Wandered the whole night unspecified, unidentified
Forgetting the stream unknown , unsaid.
Making all efforts to summarize or recall,
But journey within is not so easy at all."
"Several incidents unfolds 'n' folded again,
rhyming about happiness and memories regain.
Sometimes hyper tensed sadness to avoid,
breaking through the world of silence so wide."
"Too many words running in my mind,
they seemed to be together and kind.
Playing with the emotions and trying to be a finder,
they don't sing always in joy and hinder."
"Always keep power to get visions of dark night,
dreamed of joy departed but a waking dream of life and light.
Living in the dark with the candle in heart,
writing an unwritten poem with emotions apart."
"Hearing from mind the.... unspoken words inside,
understanding the meaning of... feelings beside."
"Slept dreaming the ways of existence,
waking up thinking deeds of excellence.
Living whole life , knowing ...whoever loves you like life,
surviving with fact that, why ...you are alive."
"I Have been writing but ....seemed... lost the words,
but however have some to...cost the swords.
It seems ....dying ..without finishing the poem,
as all the emotions cant be penned down in a slogan."
"The journey within will last one day,
vanishing with the soul n be lost someday."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey, I am here to write a small review but first let me praise this poem. This poem is brilliant and it reflects your emotions very well. The words you have used are good. And there is an excellent flow of the poem. While reading this poem I could sense the emotions within myself. Overall the poem is perfect.
But I have found a common error.
When you are introducing a new line in the poem that line should start with a CAPITAL letter.
Like this,
I have been writing but..seemed...lost the words,
But however have some to...cost the swords.
But you did a great job. Nicely done pal.
Thank you:-)
Pleasure
Hello, Tulip here to give you a review. In this review, I'm going to take your poem and make suggestions that you don't have to take so it's going to be in pieces, as I'm going to suggest that you make stanzas for this poem so it doesn't look so daunting. I will also make edits to spelling or grammar in bold as I go, so you know that there is something there! If you feel like the suggestions that I have offered after this aren't for you that's fine! Do what you think is right for your poem.
*Okay so the first thing that I noticed with this poem is how you started it. It is an interesting line, and it is a strong one to begin a poem with. It may be able to stand on its own, but putting it at the beginning of this poem and the stanza I suggest strengthens its power. I liked this lines I have above because I also have hard times remembering stuff if it happened a while back. I have hard times remembering everything I'm supposed to.*
*Okay so I grouped these lines together because it seems like they were wanting to convey the same meaning. They are all describing how certain memories feel like to you and it is appropriate that they should be together.*
*I ended up putting these lines together because you are talking words and emotions in these and these work well together. Mixing them with the lines from above or below didn't seem to work right, so I paired them together to create a stanza that worked well, in my opinion at least.*
*Okay so I ended up putting these lines together because you are talking about darkness and light. But sets of lines work well together to create this stanza because the theme of both of them go together pretty well.*
*So I put that these lines together as they seem to work together pretty well. The words in your mind talking to you while you sleep or when you wake up is an interesting idea that I want ahead and put them together to see how they'd work and I ended up keeping the stanza that way it is right now.*
*Okay so this is one of two short two line stanza that I created for you. The fact that you used the three dots (...) so much within the two lines is something that is more distracting than helpful. I'd suggest that instead of using them, try rewording the lines or find a different way of punctuating the lines.*
*Okay I put these together because it seemed like a good fit. It seems like you are comparing the fact that you can't words to dying from it as if it were a physical wound. I liked the idea of them. But as in the stanza before this one the fact that you used the three dots (...) so much within the four lines is something that is more distracting than helpful. I'd suggest that instead of using them, try rewording the lines or find a different way of punctuating the lines.*
*I thought that this was a good way to end the poem, with a nice ring to it. I think that ending with the "..." isn't quite a good idea but that it up to you to decide.*
Overall I did like your poem. I'd suggest fixing some of the points that I brought up, but you certainly don't have to do anything that I suggested. I hope that you find this review helpful to you, as I had to rush through this about half way through so I can leave for class!
So nice and humble of you. Thank you. Blessings !
I am going to review your work today so yeah. Well after reading this poem I can tell either you or someone you know has a problem remembering things from their past. I think that you have depression or that you are very lonely and need someone to talk to. This was a great poem though I think it's a little dark towards the end and that is ok for this type of poem but it makes me wonder if you are ok right now. After reading your poem I felt a little sad cause the tone of this poem is kinda depressing. If you need someone to talk to I am always there for you if you need me so hit me up if you wanna talk about anything that's upsetting you or if you just wanna chat.
I wish you a good day,evening, morning, or night depending on where you live. Keep up the good work and I hope you cheer up soon cause of this poem.
Thanks dear
No problem and I will always help those in need