"Sitting on the edge …
Thinking …….
What is life?"
"Is it a game ? … where we’ve to play all the time to win.
Or, is it a gamble ! …where we keep it on stake."
"Is it an opportunity?…where we’ve to prove the worth.
Or, is it an adventure!…where we’ve to explore."
"Is it a journey?… where we’ve to travel to finish.
Or, is it a promise!…where we’ve to fulfill the commitment."
"Is it a chance?…where we’ve to grab the turn.
Or’ is it a song! … which we’ve to sing."
"Is it a dance stage?…where we’ve to perform.
Or, is it a fight ! … where we’ve to win."
"Is it a dream ? … which we’ve to believe to make it true.
Or’ is it a reality ! …which which we’ve to see to go through."
So many reasons to think of…what is life?
"May be… life is a blessing ! …which is being showered for us to stay strong.
To achieve goals …celebrate it !"
Again…
"Sitting on the edge…… thinking ..!"
Credits to ... Tammi :-)
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This was awesome... nothing to comment!
Please I always wait for your comment.
uh...but for me this was perfect so i dont think you should change anything here.
Thank ypu
<3
Hey! This is Alice here to review your poem.
"Sitting on the edge…
Story
There isn't much story except, well there is a person talking about life.
Grammar, Punctuation, Confusion, etc.
When I first saw this poem I got kind of stressed like when you open a book and the author changed the font color from black to purple. The punctuation is overwhelming and not in the good way. I think it's the biggest and perhaps the only real problem with this poem.
For example:
~You capitalized every sentence when you didn't need to. It's a mistake that I see a lot of poets doing. You only need to capitalize when there is a period before a word.
~You overused ellipsis. I feel like you relied on it too much in the poem.
~You put spaces in between ellipsis and other 'symbols'
There are other problems that I don't feel like writing so I'll just fix the punctuation and grammar
Spoiler
Thinking…
What is life?"
"Is it a game? …where we’ve to play all the time to win.
Or, is it a gamble! …where we keep it on stake."
"Is it an opportunity? …where we’ve to prove the worth.
Or, is it an adventure! …where we’ve to explore."
"Is it a journey? …where we’ve to travel to finish.
Or, is it a promise! …where we’ve to fulfill the commitment."
"Is it a chance? …where we’ve to grab the turn.
Or, is it a song! …which we’ve to sing."
"Is it a dance stage? …where we’ve to perform.
Or, is it a fight! …where we’ve to win."
"Is it a dream? …which we’ve to believe to make it true.
Or’ is it a reality! …which which we’ve to see to go through."
So many reasons to think of… What is life?
"Maybe…life is a blessing! Which is being showered for us to stay strong.
To achieve goals…celebrate it!"
Again…
"Sitting on the edge…thinking...!"
Relate-ability
I guess it's relate-able. I mean we've all had thoughts like these, you know about life and all...
Summary & Conclusion
I think it was a decent poem. It felt a bit forced and I felt like it lacked emotions. Some of the words sounded weird together. I can see that with work you can really grow as a poet and become something magnificent.
Never stop writing,
Alice
Thank you . Blessings!
Hey TZH!
I am overwhelmed by your poem.
Firstly, thanks a million times for writing this beautiful poem. I am surely going to note it down in my diary.
Secondly, as one of my friends already told you, yes you need to work on a stronger title.
For example- "My mortality" or "Why live before leave?"
I know these aren't very good but they are just examples.
Thirdly, there is this little error in the 8th line from bottom. I think you meant 'fight'.
Lastly, this is such a wonderful theme and what made it wonderful was your penning. You nailed it on this theme!
Keep it up and thanks once again...
Lots of love and best of regards!
Full credits to you only. You motivated me otherwise I've decided to.. you know.Thanks a zillion Tammi
Yes 't' is missing . Adding it
Wow! This poem is so original and raw. I love how you have spoken about the common but in such a fresh way. It flows really well and completes a full circle in the end, which is a really good touch. I beg to differ from funkyeddie92. I think the title reflects the nature of this poem perfectly. Well done! Keep writing and I hope to read more from you!
I am glad and honoured . Thank you so much
First off, I absolutely love this piece. It is very romantic in nature, almost reminiscent of the likings of Kerouac and Ginsberg (Beat writers).
No qualms really about this but perhaps maybe a stronger title. I feel as though the title, though it is very thoughtful, doesn't really do this piece justice.
Besides that very minor detail, I liked everything else about this work. Keeping writing!
Thank you ! Okey I'll think about a new title.
First off, I absolutely love this piece. It is very romantic in nature, almost reminiscent of the likings of Kerouac and Ginsberg (Beat writers).
No qualms really about this but perhaps maybe a stronger title. I feel as though the title, though it is very thoughtful, doesn't really do this piece justice.
Besides that very minor detail, I liked everything else about this work. Keeping writing!