"A little heart pumping always
Saying to be alive in many ways."
"Cute smile with the dimple in cheeks
Saying to be full of energy and tweets."
"Sparkling eyes full of life
Saying to be positive always to survive."
"Cutie nose lying in middle
Saying to be alert and not to be puzzled."
"Curvy chin pressed inside
Saying to keep up high and feel the pride."
"Hardy brain not feeling so pain
Saying to be clever and never be in vein."
"Loving palms so soft but strong
Saying to be bold and walk along."
"The path through life is full of struggle
But a brave bold body would never strangle."
"Various colors I have seen till now
But can’t decide to say just wow."
"Never will it tangle the spirit to live along
With the various colors of life for long."
"The journey of life will go as it is flowing
Sometimes it is high or low to get glowing."
"Different colors of life stay anew
Sometimes faded but again renew."
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey TZH! Fangirl here!
so as usual i loved your work.
The theme was so meanigful and I loved the way you put everything together was also remarkable. I really liked the way you put quotations marks on every line. i dont know if its only me but it gave me the feeling as if you were reciting it to me.
Anyway this was really amazing. and the title "COLOURS OF LIFE" really caught my attention.
and hey did i foret to mention that gal "boooholic22" was the one who recommended me to read this. she really couldnt shut up about how good of a writer you were and how she loved your poems. And I must say i totally agree with her.
hoping to see more of your amazing works
fangirl~
Awwwww so sweet of her. It's proud moment for me . thank you so much to you too to motivate me. Blessings
its really a pleasure to read you works tzh.
Can't express how I am feeling
hey TZH!
I am happy to be here to review on your work.
so, i really liked the theme. How you connect the parts of body to the truth of life! that's great.
what i think you should do is start adding punctuation to your poem. it connects the poem to the reader more clearly.
"Sparkling eyes full of life
Saying to be positive always to survive"
here i don't think there is a need of always. it sounds good without it too.
"Cutie nose lying in middle
Saying to be alert and not to get puzzle"
here, in second line "not to get puzzle" is breaking the flow. you can write "not to be puzzled" instead.
"Curvy chin pressed inside
Saying to keep up high and feel pride"
here too i found something missing in second line.
"Various colors I have seen till now
But can’t decide to say just wow"
something is not working over here.
"Loving palms so soft but strong
Saying to be bold and walk along"
i really liked these lines
"The path through life is full of struggle
But a brave bold body would never strangle"
and these too..
you should never get disappointing and keep writing!
overall, i really liked your poem because it is something from which everyone should learn.
i suggest that if you like the poem the way it is, so don't change according to my suggestions.
but do add punctuation. i really liked your title..
waiting to read more of yours.
~bookoholic22
My pleasure that I get such nice suggestions. Thnks dear. Blessings!
Thank you so much for recommending. I am heartily feeling awesome and honoured
I liked your work like so much that i wasn't able stop myself recommending!(^__^)
Feeling ummm cant express in words...but ecstatic feeling. As its very rare that someone like my penning so truly though many say its nice but .. thank you so very much. Loads n tons of lovely wishes n blessings for you dear:-)
Hey!
Great idea, greater effort on rhyme scheme and greatest penning. I really need to appreciate you for this!
But, there are several areas which possess visible errors. So i wish if you could change them it would be great.
1) Line 2, "saying to be alive in many ways"
2) Line 10, feel "the" pride. Because it is wrong English.
3) Line 12, "vein" no. It should be "vain".
4) The title. Your poem is all about body parts ad their relation with positivity, so why colors?
You can name it -"optimistic body" or anything such sort to make a relation with the content.
Well, these are just my views but yes those corrections need to made.
Now, you have very good thinking skills but expressing them through words is just getting a bit messy. So don't panic just chill and before getting the words rhyming make sure they make sense in accordance with what you want to say.
Don't worry, it all comes with practice so you can relax and focus on writing because you are really good at it!;)
Loves..
Your revirw mattets a lot. Honoured and glad . Thank you . Stay happy and blessed !