"The sound of the wind chime,
always remind me of passing time.
The time which left memories,
of the childhood and different crime.
Lovely were the days and memories..
when I was a little kid.
As I am born creative,
my ethics are relieved.
I am not born beautiful
but I always stand with pride.
As I have best as a kid
what more I would have to strive.
Then....
Came the age of teens.
Where everything seems like tale of fairies
but it really really a dream of fairies.
As it’s the toughest time to reflect,
the outcome of our personality also effect.
With creative knowledge I went through
at every point I made a mark to grow.
Teenage is now sliding from my hands..
leaving the traces I seldom mend.
Then...
The dream age of adulthood arrived
with so many feelings and emotions inside.
Getting married with a new home of relations beside,
perfect bonding I have to keep with every emotion aside.
Sometimes high and sometimes low in reaction,
tears come of joy and sorrow in times with action,
as they always comes beyond affection.
At every point I made a mark to grow
for I know that I‘ll reap what I have sowed.
Then....
Comes the married bliss of life
with all the new relations for rest of time for life.
Not always what we think is right
as in the new ‘avatar’ life cannot always be bright.
For it has some dark views insight
keeping joy and sorrow side by side,
we have to walk along leaving things aside.
Then.....
Entered the parental journey
with sweet kid and all attorney.
Holding hands she walks along
asking where she has to look beyond.
Trying to give her the best future
by letting her learn to mix with the nature.
Preparing a strong pillar to stand
making life to smile in hand.
Finally......
Comes the age of old
with so many health problems but as bold.
Not always we keep hale and hearty
as in dawning age it’s hard to party.
Reading books is the best time pass
but for that also I need an eyeglass.
As holding Pen is too tough then- now
for I am about to vanish soon- somehow.
Only left is the attraction of brain of mine
this kept changing its reaction by time.
Though it is now called today and always
that they are –" Reflections in time "."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey TZH!
Good work as usual. I'm gonna review it line wise. So here we go...
"The sound of the wind chime,
always remind me of passing time." I love these to line. It really is a beautiful start! It really rolled smoothly off my tongue!
"The time which left memories,
of the childhood and different crime." here if you put a the before different and replace crime for "crimes" it would flow better. Intact you should remove the word the crime totally. Crime is really a strong word, I know you used it in a innocent way but still you should replace it with something else.
"Lovely were the days and memories..
when I was a little kid.
As I am born creative,
my ethics are relieved.
I am not born beautiful
but I always stand with pride.
As I have best as a kid
what more I would have to strive." over here the first two lines are in past tense while the others are in present. You should probably edit and make in one single tense.
"Came the age of teens.
Where everything seems like tale of fairies" you missed an 's' after tale.
"but it really really a dream of fairies.
As it’s the toughest time to reflect," I dint understand these lines. I guess you wanted to say that it is not a dream since it's the toughest period of human life.
The rest of the stanza is perfect an and flows beautifully.
"Comes the married bliss of life
with all the new relations for rest of time for life" the word life sounds repeated here since you have used in the previous line too. It would sound better if you eliminate it from the second line.
"Trying to give her the best future
by letting her learn to mix with the nature." the "the" before nature is inappropriate.
I lobe the way you end the poem. Reflection in time- really smart words! Overall I loved your poem. It has a perfect flow. Keep it up!
Love,
Fangirl~
P.S.-Is this poem inspired from Shakespeare's seven ages because it definitely reminded me of it.
No ! I haven't read "seven ages" but now I'll. Thank you for the comparison beyond my imagination.
I wrote "lovely were the days.... I was a little kid" because that time was obviously past but as all the things i m narrating is in present bit still if you have quoted means its not rivht. I'll check it again
Thank you dear .stay blessed:-)
Yeah! You should definitely read seven ages it is like your poem in many ways.
Hey TZH!! I am back with a review.
This is a great poem! How you express journey of a new born pasing through teenage, then adulthood , and other different stages of life.
"The time which left memories
of the childhood and different crime."
Here, add a comma after memories.
"As I was born creative
my ethics are relieved.
I am not born beautiful
but I always stand with pride.
As I have best as a kid
what more I would have to strive."
Here, i suggest you to either let it flow in past tense or present tense. Because you used was in the first line and other lines are in present tense.
"Where everything seems like tale of fairies
but it really really a dream of fairies."
In second line, something is not suiting but i am not able to figure out what it is.
"Not always we keep hale and hearty
as in dawning age it’s hard to party."
These lines bought a smile on my face.
Great poem!! Inspired.
I'll surely edit ot as you said because I just posted it without checking otherwise that would not had happened . And the lines in which you said it's confusing ..okey let me explain. I wanted to say that we always think our lives as we hear in fairytales but in reality it can be in dream only as in real nothing is like a fairytale.
Thank you so much and I am glad that my lines brought smile on your face. Means worthwriting.
Ok i got it.
Edited it:-)
Hey TZH!! I am back with a review.
This is a great poem! How you express journey of a new born pasing through teenage, then adulthood , and other different stages of life.
"The time which left memories
of the childhood and different crime."
Here, add a comma after memories.
"As I was born creative
my ethics are relieved.
I am not born beautiful
but I always stand with pride.
As I have best as a kid
what more I would have to strive."
Here, i suggest you to either let it flow in past tense or present tense. Because you used was in the first line and other lines are in present tense.
"Where everything seems like tale of fairies
but it really really a dream of fairies."
In second line, something is not suiting but i am not able to figure out what it is.
"Not always we keep hale and hearty
as in dawning age it’s hard to party."
These lines bought a smile on my face.
Great poem!! Inspired.
Edited %uD83D%uDC4D
So it is now my time to review your work!:)
Basically I would like to say as I am in still in my teens I can't really tell about adulthood so surely myself but your words put a bit there which told my mind "this is how adulthood is". Nice(st) poem and I really thought that the title and that little para was very powerful in my urge to see this work. I am now feeling a kind of calm after reading such a nice piece of literature.
Keep writing!!!!!!:).
Yeah amazing penning btw
Honoured I am feeling. Thank you Ayush! Stay happy, successful and blessed!:-)