Raindrops !

hey TZH! fangirl here!

this was good but certainly not the best of your works. common T what happened to you while writing this... i really expect a lot more from you than the work you published above. . i've read almost all your works and if it were on me to rate them this would be on the last position. Sorry if that was harsh but really TZH you can do so much more better. I really look forward to reading your works but this one really disappointed me. anyway I've got a couple of suggestions for you, here it goes...

First you really dont need to rhyme while writing a poem, it just needs to have a good flow. in this poem of yours the rhyming sounds really forced and in certain areas it seems like you used certain words just because it rhymes and not because it makes sense.

then the elipses(...) please dont use more than 3 of them or it dosent looks good.

'The sound of sprinkling
I hear at night,
Though may be my tap is trickling
and not closed tight." this line dosent sound right, please consider rearanging it.

"But .....when that sound merged
Into a showering tone,
the ears are alert
and gazed towards the phone." replace "the" with "my" in the third line. and will you please consider explaining why you used "gazed towards phone" caz i really dont understand that line.

"As an individual residing alone,
getting scared and moved to be known."did you use known just because it rhymes with alone?! because according to this line you move towards the window to get to know whats actually happening, i suggest reconsider the words you used there.

"Rhythmically crawling towards the shade,
listening own heartbeat with speed."maybe if you add 'its' before own it will make better sense

"As soon as the curtain is removed,
the sound seems loud and legs didn't move." place a 'my' after and.

"But gathering whole courage.
behaving as a grown.....
the sight of outside assumed to frown,."i dont know why you used "frown' as a metaphor here, cause when it rains isnt everything happy and looks good?

"Giggling were the sound of laughter,
as if there was noone but monster." i guess you meant none instead of 'noone'

"never will one get the opportunity so bright,…
dancing in the rain with the rainbow colours in sight." rearrange the last line and make it ' dancing in the rain with the colours of rainbow in sight'

really TZH you can do much better than that, i know you would have really worked hard on it, but really you have set your own benchmark and this one did not reach it.

please dont feel discouraged. that was not my intention by this review. i hope to see some more of your work around here.

fangirl~

Hey!! hope you are doing fine. It's a good poem and clearly reflects your feelings and emotions. The lines which I liked a lot in your poem are:

"Just grab the drops into your fist or palm,
and dance in the rain with full ecstasy and charm,"

Overall you have done a great job but there is a minor mistake you have made in my opinion.

"Into a showering tone
the ears are alert"

I think by the use of "Are" the next verb should not be used in its first form. After are you should have used "Alerted" instead of alert.

This is a small nitpick I have found but overall it's good.

Keep writing.

This is my first review so it might not be to good but it is what I feel.


I liked how it is divided into small sentences and phrases with the quotation marks. I had a hard time understanding it though. It kind of jumped from "thing to thing" and it really confused me. I love rain so this poem is amazing to me.

Keep writing! I love it.

Hello!

Although this poem is good, I am having trouble reading and understanding it. Your use of quotes is a turn-off, it doesn't really work. I've read it a couple times through now, but I am still having problems processing it. My first thought when I read it was, "Is this two people having a conversation?" But I cannot tell if that is so. On the other hand, I really like the wording. I love the story it tells, and if it were a bit easier to read, I would like it a lot more! I hope that this very short review is okay, I usually have a lot more to say.

Keep on Writing!

It's smartdog90 here, doing another review!

Flow: The flow is pretty good, but it could be better. In some parts two lines next to each other rhyme, like:
"never will one get the opportunity so bright,…
dancing in the rain with the rainbow colours in sight."

Or "As an individual residing alone,"
getting scared and moved to be known.".

Then in some places it goes every other line rhymes like:

"I hear at night,
Thought may be my tap is trinckling,
and not closed tight.".

And then the rest of the lines don't rhyme at all.

Grammar: There are a few parts here and there that don't make sense. An example is : "Thought may be my tap is trinckling", first off, is trinckling supposed to be trickling? Second off, I think it should be 'though it may be' instead of 'thought may be'. Another spelling error is "dancing in the rain with the rainbow colours in sight." did you mean 'colors in sight'?

Title: The title makes sense for the first part of the poem:

"The sound of sprinkling
I hear at night,
Thought may be my tap is trinckling
and not closed tight."
"But .....when that sound merged
Into a showering tone,"

And for the rest of the poem starting at "by the RAINDROPS falling on the road and floated." but the parts in between don't make sense. I think you should ether get rid of those lines, or change them so they make sense.


Mood: For me this poem doesn't really have any mood in particular, I don't know why, but it just doesn't.

This has been another review by smartdog90, keep on writing!