Young Writers Society

Reviews! Extra Reviews Here! Extra, Extra, Read All About It! @Vil wanted to make sure he had reviewed all of his friend's works!

Hey there, Stringbean! XDD

...you were more concise than I was, per usual Is it bad that I envy you when it comes to detail and conciseness? XD

Also, yeah, I regret telling you to repeat that line as both the title and the starting line. ;-; My bad...

It's short. They're all short. Write me an epic, okay? Like... Write a poem where you name all the leaders of Misericord! Call it "The Leaders of Misericord in Verse" or something! XD I want some lengthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Hi, Stringbean! Raven here with a review for ya.

I lover how concise this was, and you really have a way with words. The way you incorporate the title into the poem was great, and that ending line gave me chilled. Great work overall!

I do have one critique for you on this poem: There could be more done with this. I can see you intended for this piece to be short, but it feels like there's more to unpack here. Tell me more about this mentor and their relationship to the speaker! Without context, this lovely stanza feels a little confusing.

Like I said, that's all I have for you. I loved your wording and what you did with the poem. Keep up the great work! Happy RevMo and happy writing

Best,
RavenLord

P.S. If you see any typos, it's because I'm on mobile. Sorry in advance!

Hi there Stringbean, I'm here for a quick #RevMo review on your short and bittersweet poem!

So my first impression is wow, you've got a lot of great imagery in such a small poem - and, even better yet, it's in a consistent imagery family. It's really clever how the first line has a moon description, the second a sun description, and the third ties them together. (Also calling the sunlight silver is a really neat and unique description!)

My biggest suggestion would be to actually cut out the entire final line of "So be it"; the line before feels like a super strong ending to me, and then those three words feel almost like a tack on -> not bad, just not quite as strong and concise. They also don't really add much meaning or emotion to the poem, for me at least - I can already tell from the language that the reader has a resigned tone, which makes the last line sort of unnecessary.

But if you're attached to that line, that's fine too, it's not really detracting much from the poem, I just personally feel it'd be even better without it!

My other main suggestion would be to remove the repetition of the title from the body of the poem. Visually, I'm not fond of how the underline looks (which is 100% just my opinion and taste, so take it with a grain of salt), and the reader can already see that the first line is a continuation of the title, based on how it's structured. I think if you still want to obviously indicate that the title leads into the poem, you could format it something like this:

You, My Teacher, Who Taught Me -
by Stringbean
September 13, 2020
Poetry: Realistic, General

- that people are like the shifting moon.

(Don't mind all that fancy mimicking of how the literary work is formatted, that's just me being unreasonably and unnecessarily fancy)

Anyway what I mean is add a dash to the end of the title and another to the start of the first line, to show that they flow into each other. I feel like that'd convey the same idea but more succinctly and more visually appealing.

Overall though, this is a really strong poem. I'm getting the impression that you like writing short, to the point poems, which I think is awesome! It's impressive how much you can fit into such a small amount of writing - this poem is no exception, and I love love love the imagery you use.

That's it for the review, I hope it's useful, and keep writing!

whatchamacallit

No review, today, but-- bad teacher.

Momo, squire, here to review! Let's get started!

To begin, thank you! I was waiting for someone to write a realistic poem and you were the first!

You, Me Teacher, Who Taught Me

This is a poem that is really really filled with feelings and overall poetical essence despite its small size!
Hi there! I am Buranko and I'm really excited to review this work.
First impresion: "God damn is this a hard poem!" I read it 3 times to grasp a little of its meaning, and the thoughts behind it. I think you made it as a meditation of the persona over the profound theme of the condition of a human. Us as humans judge our own kind by certain criterias, and we don't do it objectively but rather subjectively. Most of the times first impressions are wrong.
Understanding a person comes with interaction with that person. Your metaphor is really accurate. Without further inspection we can't see the precious part in a human "silver", but the black part without any distinguishable features.
I believe the sun in your work that lights the moon is the same thing as one's talents, knowledge, personality, basically anything that makes you look at a person in a different light.
The ending is a sad acceptation over the impulse of all humans to perceive people in such a way that it always ends up as wrong. This can be related to a poet's first impression on a stranger. That little boy in a white shirt with messy hair but shiny eyes may seem as ordinary but unless you read his works, you cannot understand the world he lives in when writing and his brilliant thinking.

Great work. Keep up!

@LordMomo
Tagging you for a realistic poem to review! c: