I loved you
You told me you loved me
But you left me
Cause it was weird
To be with me
I try to forget you
But I love you
You said I was all you needed
But you obviously lied
I loved you so much
And you loved me
But in the end you left me
Love sucks don't fall in love people listen to me cause all it'll do is hurt you in the end.
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141,457 Literary Works • 674,477 Reviews
Ok so for everyone to know the last line is advice
That last stanza was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to long.
The last line is a line of advice
Hey!
Here are a few things:
~Try add punctuation. It'll help the poem flow better and won't confuse your readers
~Try adding stanzas
~Please don't make the last line that long. Not only does it look weird it's also a run on sentence.
~Try making this poem more colorful and by that I mean add description explain why it was weird for the narrator and this person to date.
Sorry this wasn't super long >.< Anyway I hope I helped,
Alice ♥
The last line is advice
Then maybe separate it from the poem? I mistake it as part of the poem.
and it's still a run on sentence...
Yea I've known for a while and I've tried the original is like three or four spaces down but it ended up being there so I never fixed and said screw it
Well if you go back to edit the poem and click on the button that looks like this: </>
It will take you to this black page with a bunch of code. If you format the way you want your poem and then copy and paste this code: <br/>
At the end of every line and in the spaces in between stanzas it will work.
Here's an example (this is one of my poems):
The faint ding of a wind chime, <br/>
that was moved not by the wind <br/>
but the red bird, <br/>
who carelessly flies to the bird feeder.<br/>
And I'll just sit here and sip my morning tea <br/>
while you, little red bird, eat.<br/>
If you want to add stanzas it will look like this:
The faint ding of a wind chime, <br/>
that was moved not by the wind <br/>
but the red bird, <br/>
who carelessly flies to the bird feeder.<br/>
<br/>
And I'll just sit here and sip my morning tea <br/>
while you, little red bird, eat.<br/>
If you have any questions feel free to PM me or check out the formatting poetry page: How to Format Poetry
ok but if you personally wanna know why it was weird plz read the comments below
Yo~ho, spart.
From what I am getting in this poem and your reply to the other reviewer, I get that you wrote this from true and honest feelings. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but, don't let it hurt you too much. Life is like a journey..you will get to meet new strangers everyday and one of them will be the true one. Wait for her. And keep on writing poetry.
Now, the review-
First, the title is good. It's just exactly what it needs. Besides, I love long titles. And I don't really have to review about the theme.
But, I am gonna do some straightforward criticism.
Dude, you have to be more careful and artistic with your words. I know that when you are feeling something too strongly and writing it, better words don't come out that easily..But, you gotta take a few moments, think about the lines and words and then write.
The next thing is about the relation between the lines. Or, in other words, how the lines seem connected to each other. I found some lines which seemed "not connecting" with the other lines. They were just not arranged in the right order...And, another reason why seemed to be not connected is because you used no punctuation at all..
She left you cus it was weird?! Doesn't make much of a sense to me. The idea is ok..I mean, that she felt weird to be with you. But, I think, you should try to write it in a different way. Not that directly..using a bit more words..explaining more. Like saying, in spite of being with you, she actually felt weird. There is a contrast to this mood from the mood of the first two lines. Make the contrast clear.
I think, it would sound better if you make a different stanza for these two lines only.
The last two lines completely contradict the last line. Here, too, you have to make the idea clear saying that though she did say she loved you but she lied. Or you can just rearrange the words-
Now, it makes sense, right?
Dude, this line is just too long and I gasped for breath while reading. The thing is, it's not only one sentence..there are many sentences in here. You should use punctuation to separate them. And also, make more lines out of that one single line. And, of course, you should write it in a different stanza.
This is all from me. Hope my reviewing helps. And don't get disheartened cus of this criticism packed review. XD I really enjoyed your poem and the first time is always one of the weirdest times..so, keep on trying! If you need any help, feel free to ask me.
The last line was a statement not part of the poem
*bites tongue*
Sorry, dude, I didn't get it. You should have used "Enter". :/
I tried tho I put it a few ways down
Who and read the comments bellow you too that'll help you understand too
Hey !
I have also written similar emotions . Only difference is of words I choose.
"Love is kind to some
Love is harsh to some
No one but Love itself knows
Whom it likes and dislikes
The soul with its curse can see
Hell on Earth.
FRIEND
Pray to love not to visit you
Because
The agony it leaves when it departs
Is …………………. boundless."
I know what I felt when I write it . I never posted it as I thought people can think negative about me but hope you understand.
I like your poem and can imagine why its written.But yrs one thing I want to say . Please don't use the word "weird" as love is a feeling which can never be weird. Hope you don't mind and understand.
Keep writing. Stay blessed!
Well I think love is blind but in reality love will only get you hurt and it doesn't exist anymore for me cause I gave up on love.
Oh I found out later on she was using me and that she already had a boyfriend before I asked her out so yea
But never give up ! May be you deserve someone better
Thx and I hope I find them one day
Be positive and never let your hope die . You'll surely grt the best you deserve.
Thx and I am it dating for awhile to clear my mind and yo find myself
Well I hope I get a lot of friends on my journey and that I find the one for me later on down the road but for now my love will be writing
Yes for sure you'll and you lnoe you write too nice and if you'll be in love with writing. You'll be feeling as the happiest like I feel
Ok then and me make a funny poem when sick