I feel alone on this planet
I won't ever find love
I just got dumped by the one I love
I hate this feeling and I kinda knew
That was single but I didn't care.
I wish I was dead
I wish I was in a daze
I wish I could have told her what I wanted
But I was too late someone else has her now
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Cassie here with a review
...
This was a poem that I could understand and I really felt the pain in this poem. It was filled with so much guilt, regret, passion...
It was beautiful..
I too understand what you are going through and fact that I could feel what you are feeling shows how much talent you really have.
If you ever need anything just pm me.
YWS is my family and I am here for erveryone.
Do not be afraid to talk to me.
And please,
Keep writing!
...
Thx and sorry I forgot about this site for a while I had to clear my mind and help myself get back up and ill try to talk to people more and ill keep writing poems and stories they make me feel so much better
Hey!! It's Mahvash here and I hope you are doing fine. So let's get to the topic. This poem is very beautifully written. This is a very emotional piece of writing and I really loved it. I don't know how but I really felt it from the bottom of my heart. These lines are nicely penned. Mixture of emotions, regret and love make it perfect. You know what the last line really made me sad. I felt as if all story had happened to me and now I am feeling alone (though I am happy in real life). This poem has got an explanatory power.
But I didn't get the line:
"That was single I didn't care"
I can't catch it. So kindly, tell me what does it mean?
Otherwise, great job
Oh the I between that and was isn't there I didn't notice that thanks for telling me
Welcome.
Spoiler
it's just YWS is a great place where people try their best to help each other with everything. Whenever something bothers me, I just come here and talk with a frnd of mine. They always understand and make me feel better. I think, if you talk to someone here whom you already know, you will feel better.
now, son, the review part.
first of all, i wanna say that this poem has a good theme but, it could a lot more than it already has. its words and lines and structure could be edited and it would make a better poem. the lines feel plain and so do the words. son, if you gave it some more time, it would definitely make an awesome poem.
I think it's better this way-
Cus, you already had someone..so, the adverb "ever" didn't feel right to me.
the thing is , you said - "dumped" which suggests that you had someone. but again you said-
here, you say that you didn't tell her about your feelings which suggests that you never got to propose to her. Now, these two things contradict each other.
I don't really get what you are trying to say here.
I love these two lines a lot. There's rhythm , rhyme and variation..
That will be all from me. I hope you feel better soon. And, I hope you can give your poems more time.. and make them even better.
Sorry I write when my emotions are high it's the only thing that makes it easy for me to write poems
look, son, it's not only you, i too write when my emotions are high..otherwise, words just don't come out!! and it's nothing to be sorry about
True true