I wish I had wings
The places I'd go
The people I'd see
If only I could fly.
Most people would
Say it's impossible
I'd say it's a dream
That can't be achieved.
I wish I had wings
Elegant wings
On my back.
Wings I could
Be proud of.
Wings that never
Lost their luster.
Wings that'd make
Everyone envious.
I wish I had wings!
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hello, Spartan118!
Snazzy here for a review! First off, I must say, the idea of this poem is nice. It's pleasant. It's one that I have thought of many times, but haven't every put it into words. That being said, I think you only pulled it off half-way. There are beautiful parts to this, and then there are parts that don't flow right (at least to me, as a reader). Anyway, let's get started then!
I kind of get what you wanted to get at. Most people see "wanting wings" as a bad thing, and you see it as a good thing. But the way you put it made it seem just as negative as what the people see it as. If I were you, I'd try and write those last two lines in a lighter way. Maybe something like "I'd say it's a dream, that flies just above my reach". Or something like that, at least. You could even make the previous lines a little "more harsh" to compensate for the last two if you'd like. It's all relative.
Other Suggestions:
I don't really like the way you did your capitalization, but that's all up to you, of course.
The punctuation seems off, but then again, it's (almost always) up to you in this type of writing.
I wish the ending would pack more of a punch. I mean, it's your ending! The thing that readers probably remember most is the beginning, and the ending. Your poem was building up, building up - but then seemed to lose its steam in those last three lines.
Anyway, I love your alliteration and other figurative language in this! (My favorite part is probably "Wings that never Lost their luster".
~Snazzy
Ok first off I did this for the most part speech to text so don't blame me. The part you quoted is like that cause unless you have expensive surgery or body augmentation you won't have wings so that actually clears up that part. And for the final part I think you should re-read the description again cause that explains a lot of it.
So nothing ok
Oh my gosh! If I could have one superpower it would totally be to fly! You used great word choice and you communicated clearly! You obviously have a large vocabulary range and that's really good! I would love to read more of your poetry! If you ever need someone to review your work I'm always here to help you out! I didn't see any grammatical errors, but you never know, I could've missed something. Please PM me when more of your poetry gets posted!
I will and thx
Oh hey follow me it'll help you if you want to see more of my work cause I easily forget things
will do