I am happy but I don't feel it.
Sadness radiates my insides.
I can't understand why, no matter how hard I try.
I think I'm losing it.
I try to feel something else, but what is there to feel?
Why can't I get rid of this sadness?
I don't get it anymore, I honestly don't.
Am I feeling something else to make me this way?
If I talk it out, will someone listen?
Is there something wrong with me emotionally?
Hopefully posting this someone will help me understand why.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
127,460 Literary Works • 671,484 Reviews
If this is a poem, I have to be honest and say it lacks a lot of depth and emotion. If this is a blog post about you personally and that's why you've posted it, it should probably be in your blog.
However, because you've posted it under poetry, I will review it as such.
Depression, while a terrible condition, is an excellent fount of inspiration to draw upon. Poetry thrives on emotion and being able to express emotion, events or thoughts in a way that simple prose just simply could not do.
Your first line in the poem offers the best poetic substance in the entire poem, I believe:
"I am happy but I don't feel it."
The rest of your poem contradicts this by stating how sad you are and lonely and confused. I don't feel like you're happy, like you first told us you were.
The last line of this poem ruined it for me:
"Hopefully posting this someone will help me understand why."
Now, if this was a piece of poetry/fiction, I would be totally fine with this line. A character is posting a poem online to receive sympathy/help/whatever he/she needs. Right? Now, in order for us to understand that this line isn't just a cry from you to us on YWS and thus needs to be in your blog, then you need to explain more about deciding to post this online. Who is the audience that is supposedly online?
Being in college has made me see that it's actually true -- audience is everything in writing. When you wrote this poem, who was supposed to read it? Us here on YWS? Your mom? Your BFF Jill? Choose a specific audience and write to them. If the audience is you, then you have even more unlimited power in what you write and say in this poem because when you write to yourself, you don't need to have any kind of filter. You don't need to shroud your depression in mystery.
I want to feel real, human emotion in this poem, and I believe choosing an audience would help direct you to that final ending point.
Jared
No I posted it under other
And no I kinda wrote this for anyone who wants to comment and help me see a lil to what is happening to me
Hey Spartan118, it's AshleyDashley here for a review!
First off your tile caught my attention and it made me curious to what you did not understand. After I read it I felt sad for you. I just want you to know if you ever wanna talk I'm here. Just shoot me a PM or hit me up on chat.
Your first lines:
I can really relate to them. I took these to heart and I really felt the emotion in them too. You did a wonderful job explaining yourself to begin with. I saw nothing wrong with these lines.
I asked these questions once too. I know how you feel. These lines portray to me your confusion at your emotions of sadness. I understand that. I also saw nothing wrong with these lines.
I saw nothing wrong with these lines. Also, I will listen. There are tons of people on here who will listen to you. Some of us understand what you are going through more than you think. Just ask and we will help you. I hope you feel better!
Overall this was a every emotional poem that really hit home for me. I'm glad you could write this out. It can relate to a lot of us and might even help someone. Your emotion was loud and clear and that's good. Your flow was nice and it was easy to read and understand. Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your extraordinary work in the future!
AshleyDashley
It's not a poem it's kinda whatever and thank you
You welcome.
Wish i can express it like that. great poem.
It's not a poem it's whatever
Meaningful and sad. Seriously. I don't know if you post this for a review on the poem or an advice on how you, feel, but i am telling you both. First of all, there are many reasons as to why a person can be sad. It can be that you aren't doing the right thing that your heart wants you to do. You just have to do something that is meaningful or important to you. Maybe you are not happy because you are not focusing on the things you really love and is really good for you. Maybe you just have to appreciate more of the things you have and make use of it, so you can be happier with yourself. I think this is a really truthful poem that only certain people can really understand the meaning behind it. Reading this, i don't think that there is anything emotionally wrong with you; its just that you have to focus more on yourself and do things that can make you to be really happy. People who went through the exact same thing can understand this poem completely, but if one of your goals is to make people who don't go through the same thing understand as well, i think you should put a little bit of scenerio. It makse the meaning deeper and more noticeable.