So in my life I've learned some things some good some bad and some in the middle. I'm gonna write about a few topics and they are love, happiness, health, and a few others that'll come in as I think so yea.
So let's start with my first top love. I have learned more about love writhing the last few months lately and the main thing is if you truly love someone you'll fight tooth and nail to be with that person no matter if it's against family, their family, friends, or their friends. If you truly love them you'd make it a point to get across to them and make heard loud enough for the world to hear. For some it's hard cause of over bearing family members and others cause of their personality. I do know love is something you have to stay on ball with and really make it work cause tomorrow is never promised and why love tomorrow when you could now?
Now for my second topic happiness. Happiness comes in many ways like love, animals, outside, weather, lots of things but the one that brings the most is definitely love from my personal experience and what I've heard from others. You can get temporary happiness by doing a hobby like gaming, writing, drawing, building models, lots of things honestly but it doesn't really stick with you that long it's more like at the moment happiness cause God knows there's times where you just rage quit cause of a lot lil things stacking up.
Now for health and this is a kinda important topic to me. So health is very hard to controlling if you don't know your family health history. Even though family history is important there's other ways to keep good health like exercise, healthy food, and honestly bathing. Even if you had good health tomorrow isn't promised cause of other people out there not saying they're all bad but there are some out there who are. Some choose to make their life unhealthy while others don't but why letter them when one day they'll see their problems and fix it themselves but help is also good too even when not asked for.
Honestly I can say I don't have any other topics but feel free to drop a topic in the comments for me to write about and for my opinion cause this little essay really helped me out with the break up and stuff (not important) and I'm glad to do this cause it's something that makes me feel better.
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Hey Spartan118. Aleta here for a review. I know you meant this to be more of you just talking, but since it's under essay I'll correct a few things.
that'll come in as I think so yea.
The so yea part kind of leaves something to be wanted there. Honestly you could just take it off the end of the sentence and it would sound better.
I'm gonna write about a few topics and they are love, happiness, health, and a few others that'll come in
Fix: I am going to write about a few topics: love, happiness, health, among a few others things I think of.
I do know love is something you have to stay on ball with and really make it work cause tomorrow is never promised and why love tomorrow when you could now?
Fix: I do know love is something you have to stay on ball with. You really have to try to make it work because tomorrow is never promised. Why wait to love tomorrow when you could now?
writhing
Typo, I think..?
Now for my second topic happiness.
Fix: Now, for my second topic--happiness.
Happiness comes in many ways like love, animals, outside, weather, lots of things but the one that brings the most is definitely love from my personal experience and what I've heard from others.
Fix: Happiness comes in different ways. Love, animals, nature, the weather, among other the things. But the one that brings the most happiness is definitely love from my personal experience, or at least from what I have heard from others.
So health is very hard to controlling if you don't know your family health history.
Fix: *very hard to control
Sorry this review is so short!
Hey Spartan!
So, I somewhat like the concept of talking about nice things like love and happiness and butterflies and sugarplums, but as I'm reading through it, I honestly can't get much out of it.
You talk about why you like them, the small things they can do, but it's pretty vague. So much more can be said. I would love to see you add in more imagery and emotion. It would make for a much more intriguing essay.
So to start us off:
This sets a bad tone for the story. It's almost nonchalant, as if you were talking with your best bud. At this point, I'm expecting a very rushed, dull explanation of love, happiness, health, and-
?
One big thing to think about before writing anything is how you want it to turn out. Often times you'll be writing and random things will come about, but adding this in your essay is only making me doubt the following paragraphs.
This you can do without for sure.
Moving on to the paragraph you wrote here about love. It's a cliché and it's bland. Love being such a huge part of life, so much can be said about it. So much more detail and emotion can be added in to make this something people will want to read. Here you're just listing things off and not explaining them in the slightest. Readers can get more of a connection with something when they can understand the story, but here I really can't find much that I understand.
Next topic is happiness. Same as the previous paragraph, happiness is such a big thing and way more could be said about it to make it worth reading, etc. You use simplistic vocabulary which makes it too relaxed.
Health. Again, I'm bored. It's just a list of things with no further explanation, which really turns me away from wanting to read this. Lots of run-on sentences that could use punctuation as well.
Your closing paragraph confuses me.
If you can't think of any other topics, there's no need to share that.
You mention a breakup suddenly and randomly, and I'm curious why you made not of it here but not in the section about love. Because in that paragraph you said a few of the harder parts of love, so it might help to move that up there. Honestly your opening and closing paragraphs don't serve much purpose, but that's just my two cents.
I do believe this had potential, but right now it needs some major editing. I can't help much, but hopefully this made sense.
Awesome job!:)
-Amelie
Hey I wrote this as I was talking to my best friend and he was like put it in and just think as you write or ask for more and give a brief explanation of what you have learned and keep learning as time goes on
I acknowledge the three things that you've mentioned in your essay. All three are essentials of life for without a single one life wont be the same.
Love is food for the soul
Happiness is food for the mind
Health is food for the body.
How about you write separate essays on each one of them focusing on life in absence of each.
Good luck!