Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Bring it bitch ill start a war,
I don't care if if it's an uphill battle,
I'll still ass and then some,
People always laugh cause imma lil man,
Well fuck them, this lil man gonna fight.
I don't care who you are,
I'm gonna fight for what is right,
You wanna fight me,
Well fight this fucking army,
I don't care who you are,
You wanna fight me then bring it bitch.
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139,784 Literary Works • 672,764 Reviews
The other editor is a complete sillyhead and doesn't get the point of this poem, it's meant to be crude and nasty, so floop off and let this kid write. Basically the only stuff which you messed up on was a bit of gramatical things which "your favorite nihilist" pointed out. PRETTY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD 9/11
Personally my favorite nihilist is Chuck Palahniuk, if you look past how ridiculously sexist he is. Hemingway comes in second. But, I like "depth", some might call it.
If the point of it was to be crude and nasty, then it should have included much more cursing and detailed vocabulary of him curb stomping lil man's teeth in.
That's the stuff I like.
Whoa first off I wrote this cause a friend of mine posted a fake pregnancy pic on Facebook and I flipped on her then her family started bitching me out so this is supposed to be my way to vent
Hey, yo, Spartan118! Strange here, everybody's FAVORITE nihilist on this Monday night and I have a review for you!
Alright, so this is going to be a shorter review, considering there wasn't that much going on here. That being said, I'd like the author to note that this review isn't meant to be a personal attack of any sort. I'm only offering you a review as an equal, nothing else. Everything cool? Cool. Now, let's jump into this review.
The first thing wrong with this work is that it's passive aggressive. Now, I know that this is probably aimed at someone in your personal life, but it seems unnecessarily rude to start the work out like that. The one thing it does right, though, is establishes the theme very early on. Sure, it's blunt as hell, but now the reader knows what to expect.
Also; *I'll, not ill.
Alright, I'm going to write this line out in full.
I will still ass and then some,
I'm pretty sure you missed a word in there, probably beat or kick. If so, it'd be great if you could edit that in. Still, you use another curse word, and it's not family friendly. I understand it's 18+ for language (I'm 15, CRUCIFY ME NATE AND THE MODS), but the use of naughty languages make the overall read less pleasant, if that makes sense.
I'm sorry, not trying to be rude, but....what? This makes no sense at all. Who are you talking about?? Are you the "lil man"? Is society the narrator? It's messy and lacks cohesion. Also, I'd recommend that you say little instead of "lil". It'd make the work a tad bit more formal, and that's always a good thing.
What makes your actions right? I believe in "equality" and "coexistence", so it now sounds like honest name calling directed towards the person it's about. In the end, we're all guilty. If you're angry, don't make it seem like you're justifying it. Make it even, yet angry. That always makes a work more interesting.
4/10
To end this all, this needs to have more than just anger. This is all it is, it's just anger and hatred. It's hard as a reviewer to critique because there isn't that much under the surface. If you were aiming for something else, it'd be great if you could explain it for me. If not, I hope you enjoy your day.
Keep writing and stay groovy.
I wrote this cause I was angry
I could tell.
Yea