Another year alive, yet I
Can't wait to see what happens.
Hopefully it's something good
Cause if not, oh well.
20, hmm can't really say anything,
It's just a number to me.
Maybe I'll try to do a huge change.
Another year alive, yet a
Year closer to death.
I hope to live to a 100
But know that may not happen.
If I love to be a 100,
I'll go skydiving, deep see diving,
Maybe swim with sharks.
Who knows but hopefully I live that long.
Authors notes: on April 24 I turn twenty kinda happy tho I won't be happy and who knows what's around the corner anymore. Thanks for reading anyways.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hi, Spartan 118. I am here to review your poem.
"Another year alive, yet a "
Sentences like this really distracted me.
I don't understand if you're trying to be optimistic or pessimistic in this poem.
As a pessimist would say,"A year closer to death." But then you say things like "I hope to live to a 100."
You could have presented an idea that would say something like,"It's not important to live a 100 years, you can just do something that will make people remember you for a 100 years, that will make you live inside their hearts."
You know, either you make it a positive poem or you make it a dark one. If you add both, you are just gonna make it blurry.
So well, overall, it was a nice poem. Thank you for sharing it and keep on writing. Good luck to you!
That's the point this poem was made with both sides in it cause that's how I truly felt when I wrote it cause it's like ok I'm here now what to do
Hello, Spartan118! Kara Stevens here for a (hopefully) quick review!
First of all, happy early birthday. Here's some cake for you...
Did you capitalize the first letter for every line on purpose? Because all of the lines seem like they're not starting a new idea except for a select few. My point is, in a normal sentence, would you say: "Another year alive, yet a Year closer to death"? I mean, I'm not the best at poetry, but I think that's something that poetry shouldn't have.
The only other thing I have is a spelling error:
I think you meant "live" there.
That's all I had! It was a good poem overall and I wish you an awesome 20th birthday!
Happy writing!--
Kara Stevens.
The first line is capitalized cause I hit enter each time so no I didn't just went with it kinda it's a just deal with it thing. And honestly this isn't a poem it's just something I wrote.
Oh okay. Happy birthday!
Thx
Hi, Spartan! Happy birthday, first of all.
I like that you chose to commemorate a special event in your life with a poem. That's one of my favorite things about my poetry -- that when I read it later on, I get a glimpse into what I was feeling and going through at that time. It's kind of like a form of journaling, but much more fun for me than writing a list of all the things I did that day.
Now, I wonder what could make this poem even more of an emotional diary for you. You talk about how you don't know what's going to happen, and you talk about some of your hopes. I wonder if you could talk more about things that are closer to you -- what are some things in your immediate life that you think about when you think about turning 20? Are there people you hope will stay in your life when you're 20? People you hope will leave? Are there specific moments from the past year that you wonder if you'll match or top when you're 20? Are there people you know who are already 20 and who you hope your life will be like when you are 20? I would love to see you dig more into your reflections on the topic!
If you're more inclined, maybe take a trip down the darker side -- you said it's another year close to death. Well, what do you think of when you think of death? Describe a scene that gives you that same feeling. Describe the details of a person you imagine clothed for death. For me, the details are what bring life into a poem, and although you might have a different style, these are my suggestions!
Anyway, thanks again for sharing. If you have any questions about this review, feel free to reply or PM me. Good luck!
Hannah
Thank you and this isn't a poem more like something I wrote. And I am just kinda there for my birthday cause again it's just a number to me.