Hi Spartan 118! I'm Saru, hopefully here to give a helpful review. I do mainly review poetry (don't know if they're all good or whatever) so here goes!
Is it alright to just give up,
To just forsake everything?
Maybe change your comma to a semicolon (;).
I'd be right there like what's the point.
Maybe help the flow along by writing something like, "I'd be right there, thinking, What's the point?" with adding 'thinking' and quotation marks.
Yet no one sees it only me.
To smooth this out, maybe also add a semicolon in here in between 'it' and 'only'.
Even after reading thing?
This didn't make sense to me. Can you clarify what this meant, or if there was an unnecessary word?
If you ask me, I would yes
Did you mean, 'say yes'?
Cause maybe in death a person would be happier.
Try adding an apostrophe before Cause ('Cause) or change it to Because.
That's all I had to say about your poem. This was great (apparently i just had to add all the harsh punctuation stuff in) but I really did love this. Keep writing!
Saru
Points: 1435
Reviews: 57
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