It was cold and dripping. Very wet actually.
"When are we going to get the new water heater?" I called out, shivering. It would figure that our house was not only cold, but the water heater was busted up, making showers a daily adventure.
"Shirley! Stop your whining. Your dad does so much for you alread--"
I ignored the rest of her lecture.
I dipped my toe into the water and shivered. Have you ever put your fingers in ice cold water and have your arm seize up? Well, that's basically what happened now. "There is no way..." I murmured.
"And for all the good our family does for you..."
Would she ever stop talking?
"And to be ungrateful like this..."
I closed my eyes tightly, putting my foot in the bath water. It was cold. But I figured that with all the shivering and chattering of my teeth, my mom's voice would go away. Then I slipped the rest of my body in. I could feel my breath get short and raspy.
"And to think that I would have all this lip from you..."
I put my ears underwater. An instant headache, I assure you. But it was a better headache then what waited outside for me...
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this was short and I think sweet too. It had a really nice little flow to it and the language that you used was really good. You can just picture this whole thing in your head very easily. At first glance I honestly can't see anything that might be wrong with it.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...slightly "meh" opening. Just saying that things are wet but its still decently interesting so okay.
Okay not sure who this "IT" is but I think maybe you meant "I".
As you do.
Hmm I have but my arm doesn't seize up though. I don't like hot water so cold water just feels nice.
This is reminding me too much of my mom.
Well that's a nice little dramatization of this common activity. Definitely a fun little take on that. Made me smile more than a few times (this is harder than you might think).
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So...uh...usually I have a bunch of things to say here but all I can so for this one was that it was a pretty nice little bit. Definitely very interesting to read and a fun take on having to take a cold shower. Its a lovely little story.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Snoink!!
(I don't think you need the "up" here.)I'm new on this website and haven't yet gotten to read/edit any of you're works! I've heard they're awesome! So, here we go!
(Who's "her"?)
(I don't think you need the "then" here.)
(It might sound better if you put "I put my head underwater." Instead of "I put my ears underwater.")
This is good! I don't really know anything about the character though. Did you want it that way? Personally, I like to know what the character's basic looks are, like: hair, eye color, skin color. That kind of stuff.
So, this writing is AWESOME!! You should have all you're stuff published if everything is as good (or better!
Alzora
Haha. I love taking showers, and my parents always complain that their showers are icy because of mine. Sometimes they shut off the water and stuff which makes it REALLY bad, but... whatever. You still gotta love them.
TBR made the avvie, by the way.
Hello again, O Guardian of All Oinking Beings. I think this avatar is the best I've seen you with.
I think I can get the ocassional glimpse of genius in this but I don't think it's the best you've ever written.
It was very short... but the beginning bit gave me ideas before I actually knew what you were talking about! Has this happened to you or something? O_o It is pretty good though... <_<