Jack - Writing Challenge 9/5

by Snoink

Published September 10, 2005

In Short Stories

I want no part of it.

I sigh, my body sliding down with a dull thump and I blink slowly at six words. Only six words. Words that disturb, words that worry. It isn’t fair, I think. And it isn’t. Nothing is fair about it and I can’t do anything about it.

“Why not?” I say to nothing in particular. But I know.

I am shaking.

I stand up quickly, as if I am strong only if I stand, and I play with a toy in front of my hand. It is a car. It has black paint on it with sparkling gold highlights. It is small and it will not hurt. It is a toy. I put it down and turn away.

As I look away, I spot a small toy animal. I pick it up. It is a dog, and it is soft and fluffy. It looks cuddly, and I touch it soothingly, tickling its furry body, noticing its long silky gray hair. It is starting to fall apart, but I can’t throw it away. Not now. I put it down, wistfully watching both toys. An odd choking sound starts from my throat.

I am crying.

I try to stop, but I can’t, and I shift uncomfortably.

Today I saw a dog run down a road. It was running wildly down, a crazy look in its motions, its mouth hanging down. I saw it running and I was shouting to it, trying to distract it. A small boy was following it, calling his dog back with, “Jack! Jack!” But Jack was ignoring him.

A truck hit him.

Jack was thrown two yards away and I saw blood. I stood, watching, finally looking at Jack’s boy, a normally shy boy known as Carl. Now Carl was panicky. “My dog! My dog!”

“Don’t worry,” I said, giving Carl a quick hug. “Don’t cry!”

But Carl couldn’t stop.

Traffic was slowing. I snuck out cautiously and brought back Jack. His limp body was oddly warm, but his body was bloody.

“Is Jack --?” But Carl didn’t finish. His lip was quaking.

“I’m afraid so,” I said shakily. Jack’s fur was so soft and silky. Blood was coming from his mouth.

And I could do nothing.

I look at it again.

Carl,

I'm sorry about Jack.

Katrina

Six words. Only six words. I am worn out.

I sigh, and put it in a mail slot.

Comments & reviews · 13
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Ieatworms
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Ieatworms commented Comment · Sep 16, 2005

Wow. I forgot about the "e" thing. I just wanted to know what the words were. Good job building momentum and making me care. Congrats.

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Rincewind
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Rincewind commented Comment · Sep 15, 2005

Thanks. I agree, Snoink

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Beethoven
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Beethoven commented Comment · Sep 15, 2005

I totally didn't notice there weren't any 'e's. That was brilliant, Snoink.

It made me really sad because I have history in that area : (

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Snoink
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Snoink commented Comment · Sep 14, 2005

Don't feel bad. There might have only been two entries, but that means that 500+ didn't even try. At least you did. Kudos for that. :)

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Rincewind
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Rincewind commented Comment · Sep 14, 2005

considering the only other entry was mine, and no one reads any of my crap, its not that surprising.

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Whatsarahsaid
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Whatsarahsaid commented Comment · Sep 14, 2005

Totally understanderble why that won..
Well Done yet again Snoink


AliceXx

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Rei
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Rei commented Comment · Sep 13, 2005

Congradulations, Snoink. You deserve it!

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Snoink
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Snoink commented Comment · Sep 12, 2005

And... this won! YAY!

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Harley
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Harley commented Comment · Sep 12, 2005

This is so good you almost want there to be an E in there so you feel ebtter about yourself :wink: really fantabulous, snoink. =D>

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Snoink
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Snoink commented Comment · Sep 11, 2005

Wow... so the lack of the letter "e" wasn't noticable. I'm glad.

And Shriek, this story was one of the most difficult stories I've ever written just because of that missing letter.I'm not that good yet. I couldn't use "the" and that really was a difficult obstacle. And when I finally switched to past tense, you'll notice that I avoid the preterite form like the devil.

Reichieru wrote:Man, that was intense. It really drew me in to the point where I hardly noticed you were purposly not using the letter E. Every word was perfectly placed. The switch from present to past tense was a little sudden, and it threw me off for a second, but that's negligible. I certainly take back what I said in our PMs.


Lol, you seem to like my sleep induced stories, Rei. Which is really funny, because usually, when I post sleep-induced stories, I'm so frustrated with it that I want/need help. XD

In this case, it was based after a true story, except when I started writing for the true story, I realized that would be impossible because I couldn't use the word he, cell phone, or white. So I ended up changing the whole story. Which, I suppose, is one reason why I disappointed in it last night. *shrugs*

Thanks for the comment. I'll ease the transition a bit. It shouldn't be too hard to do...

This is what it is now:

I try to stop, but I can’t, and I shift uncomfortably.

Today I saw a dog run down a road. It was running wildly down, a crazy look in its motions, its mouth hanging down. I saw it running and I was shouting to it, trying to distract it. A small boy was following it, calling his dog back with, “Jack! Jack!” But Jack was ignoring him.


Better?

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Shriek
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Shriek commented Comment · Sep 10, 2005

Wow. I can't even write a sentence without using the letter 'e', but you wrote this entire story, going above and beyond by packing it with emotion and wonderful imagery. Excellent job! I'm really impressed. ^_^

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Rincewind
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Rincewind commented Comment · Sep 10, 2005

I love that. It was poetic in itself.
There were a few places that rhymed. Big fan of that one.Nice work.

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Rei
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Rei wrote a review Review · Sep 10, 2005

Man, that was intense. It really drew me in to the point where I hardly noticed you were purposly not using the letter E. Every word was perfectly placed. The switch from present to past tense was a little sudden, and it threw me off for a second, but that's negligible. I certainly take back what I said in our PMs.



Spend your days thinking about things that are good and true and beautiful and noble, and you will become good and true and beautiful and noble.
— Matthew Kelly