First Prologue
So, I know what you're thinking. Yeah, Grif writes all these adventures about the SPEW commandoes (which is really funny since TECHNICALLY SPEW doesn't even exist... now how's that possible?
In any case, everyone probably wonders how SPEW came into being. So I get lots of PMs like:
"WATSUP SNOOP PIGG? I'M LIKE ROXXING OUT TO GREEN DAY + I JUS WANNA KNO TEH SCOOPE ABUT SPEW. WATS IT ALL ABOT?"
Or:
"My heart yearns for SPEW
Make it an everlasting source
Of wondrous joy."
OR!
"Eight days a week, I loOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOve you..."
Oh wait... maybe not the last one. Maybe.
So! Here is my attempt to answer this question. What is SPEW? Let's start at the beginning...
At first, it has to do with a very influential guy named Lloyd Samuel Douglas...
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Chef Brian comes to mind.
Second Prologue
As most of you no doubt know, seeing as you're very intelligent and whatnot, Lloyd Samuel Douglas was a very influential man, but he is almost as mythical as SPEW. Almost. But, of course, this makes sense. Nobody knows about SPEW, right? RIGHT! I mean, SPEW is non-existent. So basically, Lloyd Samuel Douglas was non-existant as well, mostly because he doesn't exist. Like SPEW. SPEW doesn't exist either.
No, Lloyd Samuel Douglas was only existant in one way, but unfortunately, his form of existance was rather... um... strange. So basically, he was Elvis's alter ego. Or multiple personality. Something like that. Some people argue that he was an alien, but that part of the story comes later. In any case, Lloyd Samuel Douglas was able to possess Elvis's body. When he did this, Elvis was able to turn into a canary. Now, doubtless most of you are confused. Obviously you have never heard of "Jailbird Rock."
But one of his skills was being able to sing like a canary. So he would perch on his sticktwigthingy and sing and sing all day, and he was very happy. Too happy. So when the chicks swarmed him, he paid them no attention and just twittered away.
In the meantime, there were four singing insects. And there names were John, James, George, and Richard, but they changed their names to John, Paul, George, and Ringo. They liked Elvis a lot, so they went to visit him, but while they saw him, he was a canary. And they didn't understand. So they said to him being English, "Why doth thoust noth understandeth useth?"
And then, suddenly Lloyd Samuel Douglas was driven out and Elvis became fat and human! And he said to the lads, "I must be quick! In the future, there will be these superheroes that don't exist, and they will all turn us into swine."
"Swineth?" said George.
"Shut upeth. Anyway, you must tell --"
But at that moment an evil mockingbird of the west came and she said to herself, "Chirp chirp chirp chirp twitter twitter twit!" Because, as you know, birds make no sense. But Elvis could understand this and POOF! He disappeared!
But the lads knew what he said, especially George, since John was sniffing coke at the time.
So they killed the mockingbird.
And then, after that, they rushed to tell people that some great evil would come...
Until Paul died, that is.