FREAKY SPAGHETTI
…because we all love titles with all caps!
Anyway! Enter characters!
DANNY – Lovable oaf
BETH – Bartender
SADIE – The Star!
RANDOM GUY 1
RANDOM GUY 2
RANDOM GUY 25
CLAUDIO – The sheriff
THE MAN WITH NO NAME – Mysterious dude
JACOB – Record signer
CAROLINA – psychotic dudess.
PEARL
CHRISTIAN
ACT I
SCENE I
At rise: it is set in a bar in a western. BETH is wiping the counter and DANNY is talking to her.
DANNY
I think I love you!
BETH
Um… why are you saying this?
DANNY
Because it is a catchy line that sizzles of sexual tension and makes it clear that I am a prick, thus making my character have a flaw.
BETH
Oh.
DANNY
So what do you say, Snookums?
BETH
Snookums?
DANNY
You like to play hard to get, don’t you?
BETH
Nah, I just think you’re silly.
DANNY
But in a sexy way?
Enter Sadie.
SADIE
The star has arrived! Blows kisses. Wait… where is everybody?
DANNY
The author was too lazy to put anyone else in.
BETH
I thought the budget didn’t allow it?
SADIE
But! We’re in a sleazy bar! I thought I was supposed to be the star and sing to billions of adoring fans!
DANNY
Um…
BETH
You can sing to us.
SADIE
One hundred bottles of…
DANNY AND BETH
Not that song!
Suddenly, THE AUTHOR gets writer’s block and puts about twenty-five drunken people in the room in a wonderful example of deus ex machina.
DANNY
What the…?
SADIE
Yay! People! Runs off to sing. Look at me…. I’m as helpless as a kitten in a…OUCH! Bottles get thrown at her.
DANNY
Hm. You wouldn’t think drunk people would be able to discern bad singing that well.
BETH
I thought she sounded good.
DANNY
You would.
RANDOM GUY 1
I’m drunk!
RANDOM GUY 2
I’m cheating at cards!
RANDOM GUY 3
I have a gun! Shoots RANDOM GUY 2.
EVERYONE
Oh noes!
RANDOM GUY 25
The sheriff ain’t going to like this…
DANNY
Sheriff?
BETH
Is he nice?
DANNY
Um…
Then, in another crafty plot twist, the sheriff, CLAUDIO, comes in. Everyone goes silent.
CRICKETS
Chirp!
CLAUDIO
I’m the sheriff in town.
BETH
No you’re not.
CLAUDIO
What?
BETH
Officially, this “town” is a city. So you’re the sheriff in this city. Except, I thought sheriffs served the entire county, so technically you should be the sheriff of the county.
DANNY
My head hurts.
RANDOM GUY 2
My head hurts too!
CLAUDIO
Shoots RANDOM GUY 2.
RANDOM GUY 2
Woe! Alas! I am dead now!
SADIE
You can’t do that to him!
CLAUDIO
Ow! My eardrums! Did a banshee just scream?
SADIE
You killed him!
CLAUDIO
Ugh, your voice is too annoying—I must arrest you for disturbing the peace.
DANNY
But that doesn’t make sense.
CLAUDIO
What?
DANNY
She can’t help that she sounds like a howler monkey.
CLAUDIO
Shoots DANNY and blows off his arm. That’s what you get for taking the law into your own hands.
DANNY
Owie! I’m unarmed!
EVERYONE
Groans.
RANDOM GUY 2
That was terrible.
BETH
Wait, aren’t you supposed to be dead?
RANDOM GUY 2
Oh, sorry.
CLAUDIO
Now follow me, little girl. I have to show you who’s sheriff of this town…
BETH
County.
CLAUDIO
...county, sorry, and sic the lizards on you.
EVERYONE
NOT THE LIZARDS!
THE MAN WITH NO NAME
I won’t let you do that.
CLAUDIO
Who are you?
THE MAN WITH NO NAME
Wait, let me check the script. Looks at script. Crap!
RANDOM GUY 2
What’s the matter?
THE MAN WITH NO NAME
According to this, I have no name.
RANDOM GUY 2
Aww... sucks for you.
DANNY
Dammit, why can’t you just die?
CLAUDIO
Why can’t you just die?
DANNY
Because I’m hot and I’m supposed to be the cute one.
CLAUDIO
Well, let’s see whether this makes you cuter! Bang! Bang! Shoots randomly at DANNY.
DANNY
Ouch! But I am still alive!
CLAUDIO
How about now? Shoots more.
DANNY
Yep. Still alive.
CLAUDIO
Now? Shoots more.
DANNY
I feel dandy!
CLAUDIO
AHHH! MY LIFE IS FULL OF ANGST AND WOE.
THE MAN WITH NO NAME
Uh… the story is supposed to center around me.
DANNY
That’s what you think, buster. But obviously, I’m the cutest one and so therefore I get the story centered around me.
BETH
Actually… I think it’s about me and how I have sex with random guys.
DANNY AND CLAUDIO AND THE MAN WITH NO NAME
Ooooooooooooooooo…
SADIE
But… what about my singing career?
Enter Jacob.
JACOB
I’ll sign you!
SADIE
Yay!
CLAUDIO
Okay… now what did you have to say about sex again?
BETH
Um…
Enter Carolina.
CAROLINA
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She guns down everyone with a machine gun and then runs off, leaving a pile of mangled bodies. She kills everyone except...
RANDOM GUY 2
I’m still alive!
DANNY
Shut up!
Suddenly, in another wonderful example of deus ex machina, the AUTHOR makes a 100 ton unicorn fall on everyone, killing DANNY and RANDOM GUY 2. Two other people emerge from the wreckage though…
PEARL
Where are we?
CHRISTIAN
Don’t ask.
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140,698 Literary Works • 673,658 Reviews
I was reading through your classic Halloween with Snoink, Grif, Edward Cullen, and Bulbasaur when I saw this piece called "FREAKY SPAGHETTI" on the sidebar and thought I better give it a read. xD I am NOT disappointed that I did. 10/10 the funniest script I've read on YWS.
A few notes -
The characters were chaotic and very difficult to keep track of (which in a way is totally part of the humor) I would recommend though if you ever do another script like this to maybe color code the people for clarity?
I though a really funny moment was when the "Random" characters chimed in and then everyone said "oh noes" - something about this just played perfectly with the script writing format and reminded me of a whole chorus / ensemble having a little aside to the audience.
I think this could make an excellent radio show - though maybe the ending of everyone being gunned down would have to be editted a bit as I'm not sure how that would get portrayed via just radio / voice.
This was by far my favorite part and I 100% am going to have to find some way to reference this now in like a tagbook or future YWS scavenger hunt
lol. xD
Okay - definitely write some more humorous scripts! You're so good at it - and this made me laugh a lot.
alliyah
OMG. XD
I forgot about this work! It's actually a parody of the novel that I was writing at the time, which was called FREAK -- yes, all caps, lol. (That's why there's a joke about the title being in all caps.) Except, instead of being set in a serious dystopian future, I stuck it in a spaghetti western kind of setting. And, reading back everything I wrote, the whole play SLAYS the novel completely. XD Like, the guy with no name? There was actually a Main Character with no name in it. He was only referred to as Sadie's father. And just... XD
Maybe one day I'll make a parody of my current novel series and it will be similarly amazing. XD Though, like... that might be trickier because FREAK was just... so easy to make a parody since it took itself SOOO seriously, but like. The Swan story has so much humor interlaced with it, so maybe that might be hard?
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it, even though you probably didn't even know of the work it parodied. ^^
Okay that makes a lot of this make more sense, but also funnier. xD Making humorous script parodies of our favorite lit works we wrote would be a really fun yws contest some time. Will have to keep that one in the books!
Pure genius, Snoink. (Dang, I love your username lol.)
Wow, this is the first play like work I've read on here and it was HILARIOUS! You have a way with dry humor that makes plays stand out more. I personally don't like them, unless I can see them performed infront of me, but with yours it was like the dry humor was everything. So you didn't have to see it play out, because why so when you were fighting back tears. My favorite part is when Danny opens with "Because it is a catchy line that sizzles of sexual tension and makes it clear that I am a prick, thus making my character have a flaw." AMAZING!!
Ps. The shear randomness was a brilliant slice to the cake as well, almost better than one I would make *mmmmm coconut cream cake* JKJKJKJKJK
-The Written Chef
Lol! No, it's okay. Really.
Otherwise, I would have locked it.
Thanks for all the comments, guys! I really appreciate them.
Um, you guys. This topic is from nearly three years ago. Try not to post on or revive really old topics like this one, sometimes the author doesn't like that, and even so, there isn't as much point in reviewing it if it's a really old story or whatever and they aren't writing it anymore.
Amazing!
So weird, but soooo funny!
Well done!
-- A.
OMG this is wonderful!! XD wow um....this makes me want to draw/write my comics. o.o
Hello there, Snoink!
Really made me laugh!Totally awesome and funny! The plot's so unique and the characters are so hilarious! You totally made my day!
Keep writing!
Peace out!
This was SERIOUSLY FUNNY!!! Normally when I think something like this is funny, I laugh on the inside. But when I read this I almost couldn't because I am on my bed with my laptop on me, and it kept moving 'cause I was laughing.
SERIOUSLY FUNNY!!!
LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET
*gahhhh*
*takes deep breath*
That was hilarious. Kudos to you.
hahaha!
This is actually IMENSE!
It was so weird it was hilarious! Seriously well done!
I would start critiquing, but I didn't notice anything negative... I was too, busy laughing. Anyway, knowing you, everything's probably perfect.
Once again... hahahahahaha!
I'm so looking out for more of your scripts from now on!
xoxo Skins
lol the was great
Um, I don't get it
LOL! Yeah... there are a ridiculous amount of spoilers in here, aren't there? XD
So now that I've actually *read* FREAK...
Too Funny!
Buh-dum crash.
Man With No Name... such an interesting character. I wonder who he could possibly be...
My favorite line in the entire thing:
Love it! Keep up the awesome work
-Irish
I LOVE THIS! Best script EVER! *Starts plotting to turn script into amature video to put on YouTube*
If I had yet to see an example of worthless words for points, then I just found it.
Great Play anyways. It's gone on under so much editing already, (that's what 3 pages worth of it does) so there isn't anything to say.
Gold star.
HA HA HAHA A HAH AHA AHAH AH HZAH HA HAH AH AHA HAH AHA AH A HAHAH AHAHA THAT WAS SO FUNNY! Sorry i had a big laff attack. I LIKE ALL THE KILLING!I really enjoyed the ending. good good good good good good good good good good good good job, Snoink. I REALLY REALLY LIKED IT.
TREE
hahahhaaa
H I L A R I O U S
honestly! I loved the complete and utter random-ness of it. My fave character was random guy 2 because he just kept coming back to life and bugging everyone! I loved the line:
DANNY
Because it is a catchy line that sizzles of sexual tension and makes it clear that I am a prick, thus making my character have a flaw.
Great job snoink!
xxmimixx
I must say I had an absolute blast reading this piece, one of the funniest I'd read in a while. The humor never seems forced or set up, though I must admit I didn't catch the final joke. Random Guy 2 was fabulous. You manage to lamoon the brilliant Spaghetti Westerns while at the same time showing a deep respect for these films.
I grew up watching the old spaghettis, this brings back memories, albeit wildly distorted ones, but memories nonetheless.
good work snoink. I see why you deserve the title of King Pig.
Snoink!!
Oh. My. Goodness.
What hilarious fun. I told Griffinkeeper that "Halloweentime with our Favorite Scintillating Vampire" was great, so he sent me the link to this. And now that I have been sucked into the wonderful writing vortex that is YWS (yay!!), I can officially say GREAT JOB. Sometimes things are funniest when they're said aloud and blatantly to the point. And randomness? Whew, don't get me started! It's too much fun. I don't know FREAK, so I can't say how the characters were manipulated, but I'm pretty sure you did them all comedic justice!
(Remember last quarter when you told me "Let's make fun of Twilight"???)
Quote:
"I'M A LIZARD!"
-Snoink
Gotta love it. You just gotta.
Wow. This is so completely random and ridiculous (and freaky) it shouldn't make any sense at all, but somehow, it does. I guess it makes sense ia=n a comedic way. T'was really funny. I was basically laughing like a psychopath the entire time!
Oh. My. God. This is win. I am literally disolved into a puddle of giggles on the floor. When I read the title, I was like, "Yeah, this should be amusing," but that turned out to be an understatement. Downright hilarious!!!
[quote:]
DANNY
Hm. You wouldn’t think drunk people would be able to discern bad singing that well. [/quote]
Among others, that line is win. This whole thing is win. But haven't I already said that like ten times? Whatever. I can't count.
I commend you for being funny.
THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!!
This was hillarious...*almost dies laughing*
This is hilarious!!
)
LOL!!! I loved it! Too funny! And judging from your Leopluridon thingy, you saw/ made the Charlie the Unicorn thing on youtube.com! I love that video! It rocks! "It's gonna be an adventure, Charlie! Adventure!" "Candy Mountain! The land of sweets and joy and joyness!" Yay magical Leopluridon, Charlie the Unicorn and his freaking kidney XD!!
Hi,
Extremely Hilarious! I have never read anything quite this funny before. I have to admit that when I first started reading it, I thought it was a bit strange, but now I think it's wonderfully unique.
I didn't spot anything wrong. It was very well done, I'm still smiling thinking back on it.
The ending was my favorite part
It gets me every time.
I also liked how to title had nothing to do with the story. It was a very RANDOM piece.
I loved it!
-lg*
Just by looking at the title I knew I would love this.
and,
It made my day (:
XD XD XD XD Amazing!! Hilarilous! *insert a bunch of other adjectives with exclamation points!*
I have no edits!
Great job!
Et cetera!
Teh Wozzinator!
this is hilarious.
hehehehhehehehehehehe
*laughs some more
it was great
good work
HA!!!!!
RANDOM GUY 2!!!! the first time he kept on talking, i was like isn't he dead?
GREAT PLAY, CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT!
......hey would you mind us acting that out?
not as proffesionals or anything just for fun?
Lol, that was so funny!
?
Random Guy 2 and Man With No Name were the best, especially Random Guy 2, never dead.
And, did I mention,
I love this!
Its so funny! It has inspired me to write something!
I lobe how Random Guy 2 keeps on coming back to life!
Keep writing!
... after finals, I'll submit it in. Really...
*whimpers*
Wow... that's hilarious!!
So whatever happened to the rest of FREAK? Is it ever going to acutally get published?
~Yoyo
Well, naturally.
Aw... but we love Danny!
HAHAHAHA!!! OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREEEEEEEEATHE!!! I love your title. Even before I read it, I knew it was going to be awesome.
A work of absolute GENIUS!!!!
Nice. Funny. ahem... *Dies laughing*
Wait! I'm Still Alive!
XD
I think that just about sums this up, 'Rina love. Entirely.
Loved it.
Hahahahaha, YES. That's awesome.
And no, Snoink, I don't think it's egotistical to write a parody of your own work. Who could find error better than the perfectionist authoress?
You rock, 'Rina dear.
I always knew that Daniel had vanity issues.
... In any event, this was just wonderful. ^_^
Hehe... That puts a new twist on the FREAK characters. "Claude" was most amusing in this.
Pure brilliance! I love it Snoink, it's hilarious. I think my favourite part is when the man with no name comes on. Poor guy. I can totally understand how he feels.
That was great. And having Pearl and Christian at the end was perfect.
And yes, Reyu, Claudio's line is great.
*dies laughing.*
"CLAUDIO
AHHH! MY LIFE IS FULL OF ANGST AND WOE. "
Best - Line - Ever.
ROFL!!!
Literally tears in my eyes. My family thinks I have gone crazy, because I am laughing so hard. That was HILARIOUS!!!
Congrats on hilariousness. I loved it. Nothing wrong I could spot. Pearl and Christian were the perfect ending, that topped off the whole ridiculous play. Are you performing this skit anywhere? If not, you should. It's hilarious. Hilarious to read, but I'd like to see what it was like performed, too.
~Madame Kool
Oops, thanks. It's supposed to be different and not so cluttered... I edited it in the version.
Snoink, you're going to have to explain this part to me:
Perhaps you meant "me having"?
Hilarious.