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Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

The Changing Stars (Chapter 3.1) (LMS)

by Sheadun


The days went by quickly. Rowan ate lunch with me everyday, and it was a surprisingly welcome change. Kenny sat with us towards the end of lunch everyday, sometimes pulling her longtime on and off boyfriend, Jeremy, along with her.

“I still can’t believe that this happened,” Rowan smiled the Thursday after our trip to the beach, “Who know that we would see each other again?”

I nodded in agreement. Things had gone back to how they were when we were little. Rowan continued to be an open book, telling me everything. I continued to keenly hide the majority of my past from him. Even when we were little, he had been the one to tell me everything. It made me slightly envious of my friend. I wished that I could open up so easily.

“Are we going again this weekend? Up to the ocean, I mean.”

“Oh, yeah,” I grinned, “We can if you want to. It’s supposed to be way warmer this weekend, so it might be nicer anyway.”

“I honestly don’t care if it’s snowing. It’s our place now, so we gotta make sure that we keep our plans every week?”

“We already have a special place?” I laughed, “That seems awful fast, don’t you think?”

Rowan’s smile faltered slightly, “I don’t know. I just thought we had a good time together. I didn’t mean to make it weird or anything.”

I cringed slightly, realizing that I offended him. I wasn’t very good at being social, or flirty banter. I made a mental note to ask Kenny how she did it so well.

“You didn’t make it weird, I did,” I covered, “Yeah, let’s definitely go there again this weekend. We can invite Kenny too, if she wants to come.”

“My mom would totally love the ocean,” Rowan picked at his salad gently, “She always talked about taking Mike and I somewhere so we could see it.”

“I’m sorry,” I softened, “That’s awful. I can’t imagine going through something like this without my parents.”

“You probably can though,” He paused, as if he might offend me, “I’ve been here a week tomorrow, and you’ve told me all about your Dad, step-mom, and siblings. But nothing about Maddie. I’m not saying that you have to tell me all about it, but I’m just saying that I think you get it. It’s just not easy being without a parent.”

I shivered slightly. The last thing I wanted to talk about was my birth mom, but I knew that it was an important step in our friendship. Especially already knowing all about his family life, and the turmoil of it all. He wasn’t pressuring me, I could tell by the way he leaned back in his chair casually, picking up his phone.

“I guess I do understand a little more than I thought,” I prepared myself, as I was about to rip off the bandaid, “I haven’t talked to my own mom in years. When they divorced, she left, I think. Went somewhere warm like California or something. She wanted a whole new beginning. As much as my Dad wanted it for me, I wasn’t going to force her to want me.”

Rowan jumped at my quick reveal, sympathy settling in his eyes, “That’s exactly how I feel. If my parents could cut off one kid, I would not be surprised if they did the other. I’m not going to ask them to be my parents.”

We were more alike than I thought. Even if Rowan was wholly trusting, and an open book, it didn’t mean that we hadn’t gone through similar situations.

“But now, I have my Grammie, and you have your family.”

I nodded in agreement. Even before my siblings were born, or I had my stepmom, I always had Dad. Even when I could hear him crying quietly at the kitchen table when I would sneak out of my bedroom, he would act like everything was fine. We were a family, just the two of us. At night, when I had a nightmare or a crying fit, he would take me outside. We would lay on the grass, just the two of us, and look up at the stars. He never really explained to me why they were so comforting to him, but it didn’t really matter. Everything felt calm and still when we did that. He was my support.

“Hey, guys,” Jeremy sat down next to Rowan, scooching over for Kenny, “Kenny thought we should come visit.”

My sister slid in between her boyfriend and I, “Of course we should. We spend half the time with our friends, and half the time with our real friends.”

She gestured to them, and to us, “They’re your real friends too!” I pointed out, trying to get her to not fall into my loner ways.

“Whatever,” Kenny said, brushing my comments off. I guess she was used to them.

“Ken wanted me to ask you guys if you wanted to come to my party tomorrow. I figured you’d say no, but I wanted to extend it anyway,” Jeremy shrugged, clearly having no interest in asking me to a party. I almost laughed out loud. I could picture my sister, begging him to invite me. I guess she had always hoped that I would turn into someone like her, but it just wasn’t how it happened. She wouldn’t want to change it in her heart of hearts.

“You know, I’m okay, Jeremy. I really, really appreciate it though,” I denied the offer, giving him my best smile of encouragement.

“Yeah, okay,” Jer shrugged, clearly not surprised, “What about you, Rowan? You haven’t been to one of my famous parties yet, right?”

“No I havent’t, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Oh, come on, Row!” Kenny complained, looking at me as if I’d convince him.

“Go,” I heard myself saying, to my own surprise, “You might have fun! Kenny would stick with you, I’m sure.”

“Look, Braylie, if you’re not going, then I’m not going either. I barely know anyone here, and I would never curse Kenny to babysit me. I am totally up for a night in anyway. Grammie needs help baking for the library fundraiser.”

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” My heart melted as I pictured Rowan in the kitchen with his Grammie.

Rowan gave me a meaningful smile and Kenny huffed.

“Look, if you two want to talk about bunnies and sunshine, then why don’t you just do it as a couple?” Ken prompted, shaking her blonde head back and forth. The blood rose in my face, making me as a bright as a red rose. 

Simple part! It will get more interesting soon ;) Thanks for reading!


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Sun Jul 29, 2018 3:49 am
Brigadier wrote a review...



So for reference, I'm not going to begin this novel from the beginning. I realize that might cause me a little bit of difficulty in reviewing but i don't normally review romantic things anyways.

The days went by quickly. Rowan ate lunch with me everyday, and it was a surprisingly welcome change. Kenny sat with us towards the end of lunch everyday, sometimes pulling her longtime on and off boyfriend, Jeremy, along with her.

I always like to start by looking at the first sentence/first section no matter what piece I'm reading, simply because it's the easiest way to get a feel for things.
Since it's first person point of view and romantic, my mind jumps to the conclusion that the MC has a thing for the second character mentioned. And then all the pronouns start to get a little bit complicated with the names going on, so I have to admit that I got stuck on those for a little bit.
Like all of my female characters have super masculine names but I rarely see it happening in other novels, so it just surprised me in the beginning parts.

The pacing feels a little weird to me but that probably again comes back to the fact that I haven't read much else of this. I think the point of this was to show that they were starting to fall in love but you're also jumping around a bit too much, and that causes the pace to speed up.
[the last set of dialogue deserves to have a faster pace because there's a legit discussion going on that's making everyone there feel kind of awkward]
But when we're looking at it from the biggest picture possible for the one chapter perspective, maybe it should overall feel slower. Slowing it down would make the conversation even more awkward, which is actually the emotion that you want the reader to be feeling. they need to be experiencing the same set up that the main character is feeling, and I'm really just not getting the right vibes right now.

There's also a few minor things with grammar, mainly that your dialogue structure needs a little bit of editing. it's nothing that you really have to worry about, it was just a little bit bothersome to me as I was trying to dig my way through it.

There's also not much other commentary that I think would be useful to offer, since it could only be taken with the slightest grain of salt. i don't really like romance and even though I tried to give this a shot, I probably won't be coming back for the next chapter. that's not because of how you write it, it's just because it didn't sit perfectly right for me.

so good luck.
happy review day.
- lizz




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Sun Jul 15, 2018 4:25 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again!! :D

You say it's a simple part and it'll get more interesting soon, but I liked it! It's nice to have quieter scenes like this where we can watch the character's develop and build connections and things like that. I think especially since we're in the early stages and you're trying to build a relationship with Rowan and Braylie, it's good to have some of these quieter scenes that develop their relationship (although their relationship can develop in more active scenes as well).

I loved what you did with Braylie's dad in this chapter - it was just like what we talked about in the last chapter! That one paragraph where Braylie remembers how her dad supported her and they looked at the stars together - great! And I like that you kept it brief and that it was still relevant to the larger scene. I think little moments like that will go far as you show how much her dad means to her.

Rowan is coming on a little strong. The fact that they already have a "place" when they've hung out a few times and he's kind of pushing her to open up about things in her life calm it down buddy :p I get it. I remember being in high school and falling fast and hard, so it's not all that unrealistic. I'm glad that Braylie is kind of pumping the breaks and not falling fast and hard with him because then we'd be getting into insta-love which is a pet peeve of mine.

So are they going to the party or not? I don't think they ever really decided by the end of the scene. And Kenny insinuating that they should just date already is such a sister thing to do! :) I hope they go to the party though because things always seem to happen at parties in YA novels ;)

Let me know when you post the next segment and let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! :D




Sheadun says...


Thanks for this!!! I really appreciate it! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I just put up the next part: The Changing Stars (Chapter 3.2) (LMS) ! If you are ever interested :)

Thanks again,

Sheadun




Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
— Lemony Snicket