12+

Inferior (1.2)

PreviousNext

“I will direct you to close your eyes next. A small token will be placed in each of your hands, the other hand will hold your partner’s hand. We have designed this simulation to place each of you separately in each grade of the simulation, with your respective partners. You will not see any other individuals in your simulation, other than your partner. Are we clear?”

We were not, at all. But there was not much to do, seeing as none of us clearly understood the directions. Perhaps we would once the simulation began. Nerves and excitement gathered in my stomach, making my head spin slightly.

Talon strode towards each of us, handing us a small token with a button placed directly in the middle. I brushed my finger across the button in my pale hand lightly, the urge to press it building.

“On my go, take your partner’s hand and press the button gently. The simulation will then begin. After a certain amount of time, we will pull you back. I hope that this will help you to see why you have a calling as an inferior. To help you serve your superiors.”

My heart pounded as I took Jacen’s hand in mine. I could feel the steady beat of his pulse under his skin, soothing me some.

“One, two, three,” Talon grinned, a strange turn of events, “Begin your simulation.”

I closed my eyes tight and pressed the simulation button. I waited a moment, unsure if any of my surroundings changed. I shifted my foot slightly and heard the strange rustle of something lying under my feet. My eyes shot open as the strange sensation continued, as I shifted from foot to foot. I glanced down and saw something that I never thought I would. Something that they had so normally in the post sector days. I dropped to my knees and ran my hands through the prickly green leaf-like sprouts. They were wet with what must have been rain. Or perhaps dew.

“Wow,” A familiar voice startled me. I looked over to find Jace’s eyes as wide as saucers, “I think this is grass.”

A giggled bubbled up in my throat as I continued stroking the sprouts. I picked up my head and glanced around at the surrounding nature. Trees surrounded us, but that wasn’t what was different, even we had trees in the sector world. It was the critters crawling through the forest. We had learned that such things had existed, but I had never imagined such a multitude of them, just like the grass. The grass spread out in every which way, only to come to a halt at the foot of a tree or stream.

I stood and brushed my hands across the bushes full of colorful balls, which must have been fruit.

“Jace,” I said, as I bent down in front of one of the small creeks, “This is the past. This is what it used to look like, before the concrete.”

“I don’t understand,” Jacen said as he placed his hand on a bush, “Why did they get rid of this? What’s the need for not having this? It’s beautiful.”

“You know the stories, Jace,” I sighed, dipping a hand into my reflection in the stream.

After the near apocalypse, everything changed. They created a concrete world, as we were told. The land was dug up, other than the agricultural sites that were used purely for food. They replaced each ground place with concrete. Trees were surrounding the areas in circles, to ensure the use of oxygen, but they were limited. Nature was simply a thing of the past. Even the youngest inferiors and superiors learned that.

“Lanoree, look,” My best friend whispered, as we both gazed into the eyes of a small brown animal. Its stick-like legs touched the ground lightly, as its brown eyes gazed across the stretch of nature.

“A deer,” I voiced, remembering the anatomy of each type of animal. The only thing they hadn’t told us was that they were more beautiful than we could ever imagine. The baby doe pranced idly through the forest, hardly a care in the world.

“Come on,” I smiled, taking Jace’s hand again. I followed the doe through the forest, towing Jace behind me. I could hear his little protests telling me that he wanted to stay, but I knew we had little time. I wanted to see as much of the past world as I could. It was far lovelier than I ever could have imagined.

We ran and laughed until we were completely out of breath. Eventually, we collapsed by the side of a birch tree.

“How long will this go on for?” Jacen asked, running his hands along the grass under us.

“I wish it will go on for forever,” I smiled honestly, gazing around the forest. I couldn’t understand why this would give me inspiration for my future. I couldn’t understand why they truly thought that I would see why the sectors of separation would need to be implemented, from this beautiful wooded area. Regardless, I was thankful for it. I wished that it would never end.

I wished too soon.

“Lane,” Jacen said suddenly, pointing in front of him. Words popped up in front of us, prompting.

Press the Simulation Button.

I shook my head lightly, sure that we would go back. But Jace knew better. He recalled when Talon had told us that the simulation would then tell us to return back to the home basis.

“I think there’s more, Laney.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” I sighed, knowing that it truly was the only way to find out. Sadly, it would mean leaving the forest.

I took his hand and stood lightly. Gazing around, I took in the sights around me, pressing them into my memory. I could never forget it.

I swallowed lightly, and nodded to my best friend, indicating that it was time to press the button. I pressed the smooth button in my hand and the air around us instantly changed.

Horror filled my heart and eyes as I saw a man raise a gun right at Jacen and I. I screamed, and turned around to run, grabbing Jace’s hand. Of course, we had learned about what terror ‘guns’ had caused in the pre-sector world. Even the smallest superiors and inferiors knew what they’d done to the world in those times. And now me and Jace were running from exactly that terror.

“Laney, Laney,” Jace panted pulling me back hard enough to make me jump, “He’s not aiming at us. He can’t see us.”

I paused glancing back at the man holding the weapon, as I flinched. He picked up the weapon again, and I started backing away slowly, as not for Jace to notice. The man held it up and aimed it at a strange circular wooden board and fired the weapon. I jumped and almost hit the ground in a panic. Even the history lessons couldn’t prepare you for the actual sound of those machines.

“It’s okay, Lane. Just another visual. He can’t see us,” Jace shrugged, turning around to touch some of the stuff. I was still frozen in place, watching the man using his weapon as though it wouldn’t kill thousands of people in the near apocalypse. I strode towards him slowly, inspecting the hard lines on his young face. A face so young should have still been in education, not in such a harsh environment. It made my heart ache. Times before the sectors were so very different.

A blaring alarm reached my ears as I watched the boy’s eyes grow as wide as saucers. A flood of men entered the room, all throwing on a variance of protective clothing. The boy stumbled along beside them as he gathered his weapons. I ran to the side of the building, pressing myself against it as to avoid getting trampled, my heart pounding in my ribcage.

What seemed like thousands of soldiers ran through the space, towards a small door on the opposite side. I filed in besides them, practically running to the door. If this simulation was truly supposed to be life changing, I knew that I would need to throw myself directly into it. I pulled back my long blonde curls, and squeezed myself through the exit, to what seemed like some type of transport area.

Thousands of soldiers squeezed themselves into each of the transport engines as I stood watching. The most stunning thing of all was the way that the transports lifted into the air, with a large spinning machine attached to the front, and simply flew away.

“Airplanes,” I whispered lightly to myself in awe. We had learned that such a thing had existed, but certainly had never seen it lift off and fly. We had never even been allowed to see pictures.

The sound that had echoed inside of the building, from when the boy was practicing, I suppose, sounded once again. The soldiers climbing into the airplanes froze immediately in place.

“Cover!” An older man yelled as loud as his voice could withhold.

My heart pounded as I held the side of one of the walls. Each man flew to the ground cover their heads. The shots began to sound faster and faster, until there was a hardly a moment without one.

A scream of bloody murder alerted me that something had happened. A man writhed on the ground, as blood flowed out of his body. On instinct, I ran as fast as I could towards him, regardless of the many bullets that flew towards me. I froze in the middle of the area as I heard hundreds more screams. The entire plot had seemed to be taken down. The opposing planes continued to fire shot after shot, until it sounded natural to my ears. I circled myself, a ripping feeling in my chest. I was watching thousands upon thousands of men dying around me. Their screams tore my soul in half.

I nearly screamed bloody murder as I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. Jace shushed me lightly and hugged me to him. I didn’t realize that tears had been streaming down my face, as I began to shake. Jacen held me and told me that everything was alright. It was the past. You can’t change it, you can’t help them, you can’t go back in time.

“I do not want to see it, Jace,” I growled out through gritted teeth, “I know I can’t change it. I know it! I do not want to see it, Jace. I do not want to see why they changed the world. For the better or not. I don’t want to watch these innocent people die right in front of me. I don’t want it!”

He just sighed shakily and continued to hug me, as we stood in the center of the massacre.

“Laney, look,” He whispered pointing straight in front of him.

“N-n-no,” I whispered, hiding my eyes with my hands. I didn’t want to see what he wanted to show me.

“It’s time to go,” Jace breathed, ready to tap his button. I turned around slowly, gazing at the words in the sky. My heart sunk as I realized that it wasn’t over. We had another simulation to go to, perhaps more of them.

“Maybe they won’t be like this one. Maybe they’ll be like the first one, Lane,” Jace whispered, though I could hear that there was little hope in his voice.

“Well, there’s no delaying it,” My voice cracked, “We have to get it over with, Jacen.”

He took my hand lightly, averting his gaze from the massacre around us. I tried my best to do the same. Jacen glanced at me for only a moment, then pressed the button lightly.

Please review and give your opinion! This is only the first draft, am currently working on the second! 

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
FruityBickel
Review

This was...interesting.

I really enjoy the set-up of the world you're building. I haven't read the previous chapter/part, but the way you weave small details of the world into the narrative means that I don't really have to know what's going on in beforehand in order to get a sense of what's going on now.

The only really big critique I have is the narrator flopping between calling this other person 'Jace' and 'Jacen'. I have a friend called Will who's full name is William, but I don't call him Will sometimes and William other times, if that makes sense? I just feel like the naming could be more consistent throughout the narration, especially as it's a first person perspective.

Another thing is the narrator attributing details to their own appearance, such as "pale hand" and "golden blonde curls". Just that like, nobody in real life really thinks of themselves that way? I don't think of my hair as "short and brown and straight", to me, it's just my hair. Sure, these details are good for building an image of your character for your reader, but when placed in a first person perspective they just seem a bit out of place.

Otherwise, the pacing is really good, the imagery is superb, the characterization is well-rounded and the style is good. I feel like the pacing of the chapter really suits the content of the chapter, and the content really sets up the story to be advanced in later chapters.

I might give the other chapters a read and see if I like them as much as I've liked this. You seem to have an interesting story on your hands.

Keep writing,

LordStar

User avatar
Lib
Review
Lib wrote a review · Sat May 25, 2019 12:46 am

Hey Shea! (Your new nickname, if you're fine with it, lol.)

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on. I'm here to give you a review. Alright, so first: You had to leave us in this suspense? C'mon! I'm dying to know what'll happen now. I'm so jittery... And, just like the first chapter, this was as amazing as the other! :smt023

Jittery-ness away, I have a few things to say first. Okay, so you started as if you started right in the middle of a conversation, which you did, and it was quite over-whelming. It would be especially for a person who randomly pops in to read your fabulous work. So maybe next time you could add a few details of what happened in the last part of the previous chapter. Does that make sense? Hope so. :) Alright. Two more things that I noticed in your chapter. If you look here -->

I ran to the side of the building, pressing myself against it as to avoid getting trampled, my heart pounding in my ribcage.


You can see the bold word. Hopefully. So what I wanted to tell you was that this word isn't normally put together. Actually, ever. It would be two separate words. Rib and cage. Make sense? :smt003 Hopefully. Last thing that I wanted to point out is right here:

I filed in besides them, practically running to the door.


You can see the bold word, right? Yeah, well, that bold word does not need to have the s at the end. It would just be beside. Also, you can already feel like it sounds off if you read that sentence the way you wrote it. So a better way to put it, would be like this:

I filed in beside them, practically running to the door.


Yeah, anyways, I really hope this makes sense. I also hope that this review was helpful to you. Well, that's it. :mrgreen: I really liked this master piece and I'd love for you to tag me again for the next chapter. Thanks! :D

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500



If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket