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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

LMS VI: Shadows & Dragonfire - Chapter 2.2

by ScarlettFire


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Word Count: 1008

Chapter 2.2

Lorne exchanged a look with Emrys and Vena before quickly standing and turning to peer into the darkness in the direction of the abandoned, destroyed village. It had gone eeriely quiet around them and it made Lorne incredibly uncomfortable. He felt like something was wrong.

"When did Sage leave?" he asked, turning back to the fire. Emrys frowned and shook his head but Vena had a considering look, like she was thinking about the question untently. "Emrys? Alvena?"

"He went off alone an hour or so ago," the elf woman said, frowning. "I had assumed he needed to piss...but he hasn't come back." She set the arrow aside and stood. "That is concerning. Come, let's look for him."

Lorne nodded, eyeing Issy and Cass when they also stood. Issy elected to stay by the fire with Cass, which left Lorne, Emrys and Vena to go searching. The three of them turned to head towards the village.

~*~*~*~

The village was eerily quiet when they entered it, and disturbingly empty. Lorne eyed their surroundings carefully as they walked, Alvena in the lead with Emrys right behind her. Lorne was at the rear, glancing behind himself every now and then to make sure nothing was creeping up on them. There was a disturbingly anticipary vibe to the area, like something was waiting. For what, Lorne wasn't sure.

"I don't like this," he muttered, eyeing a nearby empty and half-collapsed building. He thought it might've once been a house...before the village was salted and burned. "I don't like it at all. It's too..."

"Quiet?" Emrys asked softly and Lorne nodded, dragging his gaze back to Emrys. The older man squinted at him. "Yeah, I don't like this either."

"Shush," Vena hissed and they both turned their attention to her. Lorne had jumped slightly and, honestly, he couldn't blame himself. Everything about the village was setting his teeth on edge--and his nerves. It made him likely to startle at every single shadow. And, of course, there were a lot of shadows. "I don't see Sage. Do either of you see him?"

Lorne shook his head and Emrys sighed. "I don't see anything, Vena," Emrys said, moving to her side when she stopped. "Nothing except crumbling buildings. The place is desereted."

"We haven't even seen or heard those wraiths again," Lorne said, coming to a stop on her other side, crossing his arms. "It's creepy.. really creepy."

Vena hummed thoughtfully and glanced first at Emrys, then at Lorne. "Just because you cannot see something, Lorne, does not mean it is not there."

"Well, I like to be able to see and touch something," he hissed, scowling around at the decaying buildings. He studiously tried not to look directly at a partially decayed body half-buried under a collapsed and burnt wooden wall. "This? Not being able to see the wraiths? It disturbs me."

Vena laughed humourlessly. "Wraiths disturb everyone, Lorne."

"I rather think that's the point," Emrys added, wryly. "I don't like them either, Lorne."

Lorne huffed, blowing out a long, heavy sigh. "Fair enough." He sighed again and turned to look at Vena and then past her at Emrys. "So. Can you see any sign of where Sage might've gone or where he might be? Footsteps? Anything?"

Vena glowered at him. "We have not even looked yet."

"Then let's look already."

They exchanged looks, nods and then separated to search the immediate area to start their search. It didn't take long. Lorne avoided the body and went a little ways past it to scour the ground for tracks. He didn't find any, so he began to check inside some of the buildings to see if Sage had gone into one of them. Each and every one was empty.

Lorne frowned, listening to Vena and Emrys moving things about as they also searched for any sign of the wayward dragon. He couldn't remember what Sage had gone off to do. Was he hunting? Had he wanted some privacy to take his dragon form? Was he bathing in the river? Or was he off doing his buisness? Lorne didn't know, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever figure out what was going through the dragon's head at any moment.

Lorne moved a piece of broken furniture, considering his options. Sage might have gone to bathe in his true form. That was definitely a possibility. They were close enough to a river after all, and they were still close enough to the lake for Sage to fly back...but also, there were marshlands to the south west. Lorne remembered seeing them on an old map back in the palace. It was a while ago, so he wasn't sure if he was remembering the map correctly.

He moved another peice of broken debris and jerked back in surprise when he revealed a skull staring back at him, unattached to anything and charred black by smoke and fire. Lorne swallowed and gingerly lowered the broken wood back into place. He'd really rather not know what happened to the poor guy. And it was concerning--they hadn't really seen any bodies earlier and now Lorne had discovered two in a short amount of time.

"Fuck," he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face and grimacing. "I did not sign up for this... Gods, I really don't like..." He glanced at the broken wood--a charred and collapsed table, apparently--and then away. "Fuck."

Lorne swallowed and moved away from the broken, burnt table. He headed for a half-burnt counter and leaned on it, staring down at the wood. There was a good reason why he'd left home. He'd never liked war or fighting, never liked to see people hurt and dying and dead. The blood, the gore, the horrors of violence like that... It had all made Lorne feel rather ill. And that his father had expected him to... to...

"Ugh," he groaned, rubbing at his face again. "I hate this."

He took a deep breath and then pushed off the counter, turning to look around the room. The building was empty, so he strode back across the room and out into the street, deliberately avoiding looking in the direction of the table hiding the charred skull.


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Mon Jan 09, 2023 9:59 am
IcyFlame wrote a review...



New week at work = more opportunities to procrastinate by reading LMS novels! So I'm back to read through the next part of chapter two. I'm hoping Sage is ok and has just gone off and forgotten to leave a note rather than something more sinister...

I laughed at the idea that the silence made Lorne feel something was wrong when they'd just been listening to shrieking wraiths - that didn't make him feel something was wrong?! Also, Vena not mentioning before that Sage hadn't come back after an hour seems suspicious to me. If she saw him leave, wouldn't she be expecting him back?

The village was eerily quiet when they entered it, and disturbingly empty

This is almost an exact repetition of the way you've just described the village. I think you've made the point about it being quiet pretty well already so could probably take this bit out. Isn't this the village that they've just come from that was already empty? I know they heard the wraiths but wouldn't they be relieved to find it still empty given the alternative option?

"Quiet?" Emrys asked softly and Lorne nodded, dragging his gaze back to Emrys. The older man squinted at him. "Yeah, I don't like this either."

Oh, is it quiet? I hadn't realised xD (I kid, I kid)

The rest of this flows pretty well, although there are a few more mentions of the silence that probably don't need to be there. The explanation of the wraiths made sense, although I think I'd like it a bit earlier before we all start discussing how quiet it is. I also wondered why they didn't find these things when they were looting the village in the daylight, or am I wrong in thinking it's the same village they'd just passed through? Perhaps there could be an old swinging sign telling them the village name so we can avoid that confusion?

I'm sad we haven't found Sage yet, so I guess I'll have to keep reading until we do!

Icy




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Sat Dec 24, 2022 10:46 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! Onward we march within the second chapter...this is also flowing along well, we've started up with a lot of mystery really quickly and that's lovely.

First Impression: Okayy so this one is a bit of a slower chapter but with tension just building so so fast in the background. The magic conversation seems to be put aside for the moment, but Sage vanishing has more than make up for all of that.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Lorne exchanged a look with Emrys and Vena before quickly standing and turning to peer into the darkness in the direction of the abandoned, destroyed village. It had gone eeriely quiet around them and it made Lorne incredibly uncomfortable. He felt like something was wrong.

"When did Sage leave?" he asked, turning back to the fire. Emrys frowned and shook his head but Vena had a considering look, like she was thinking about the question untently. "Emrys? Alvena?"

"He went off alone an hour or so ago," the elf woman said, frowning. "I had assumed he needed to piss...but he hasn't come back." She set the arrow aside and stood. "That is concerning. Come, let's look for him."


Well that's not great either. Arguably the most powerful of the group by a fair distance just poofing into thin air right before they're about to get exposed to a rather large contingent of very dangerous creatures is about the worst this could have gone for them.

The village was eerily quiet when they entered it, and disturbingly empty. Lorne eyed their surroundings carefully as they walked, Alvena in the lead with Emrys right behind her. Lorne was at the rear, glancing behind himself every now and then to make sure nothing was creeping up on them. There was a disturbingly anticipary vibe to the area, like something was waiting. For what, Lorne wasn't sure.

"I don't like this," he muttered, eyeing a nearby empty and half-collapsed building. He thought it might've once been a house...before the village was salted and burned. "I don't like it at all. It's too..."

"Quiet?" Emrys asked softly and Lorne nodded, dragging his gaze back to Emrys. The older man squinted at him. "Yeah, I don't like this either."


Oh yes, this little setup definitely doesn't seem primed to be anything good here. The tension that's being built up in the background is very much on point I think since the introduction of those wraiths and then Sage having gone missing. The quietness definitely doesn't help especially right after its been established how loud the wraiths are.

Lorne shook his head and Emrys sighed. "I don't see anything, Vena," Emrys said, moving to her side when she stopped. "Nothing except crumbling buildings. The place is desereted."

"We haven't even seen or heard those wraiths again," Lorne said, coming to a stop on her other side, crossing his arms. "It's creepy.. really creepy."

Vena hummed thoughtfully and glanced first at Emrys, then at Lorne. "Just because you cannot see something, Lorne, does not mean it is not there."


Well that's lovely advice there, not in the slightest something to be incredibly worried about while exploring this dead village in the middle of the night without their most powerful member.

"I rather think that's the point," Emrys added, wryly. "I don't like them either, Lorne."


Well given how wraiths form, it seems pretty simply exactly why their very presences would be disturbing to everything simply from design and probably explains how terrified one should be of one.

They exchanged looks, nods and then separated to search the immediate area to start their search. It didn't take long. Lorne avoided the body and went a little ways past it to scour the ground for tracks. He didn't find any, so he began to check inside some of the buildings to see if Sage had gone into one of them. Each and every one was empty.

Lorne frowned, listening to Vena and Emrys moving things about as they also searched for any sign of the wayward dragon. He couldn't remember what Sage had gone off to do. Was he hunting? Had he wanted some privacy to take his dragon form? Was he bathing in the river? Or was he off doing his buisness? Lorne didn't know, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever figure out what was going through the dragon's head at any moment.


Well one thing is definitely quite certain at the moment and that happens to be the fact that at least one of them is going to end up getting hurt in some way or the other because splitting up in the middle of this incredibly spooky village in a moment like this can't possible end well.

Lorne moved a piece of broken furniture, considering his options. Sage might have gone to bathe in his true form. That was definitely a possibility. They were close enough to a river after all, and they were still close enough to the lake for Sage to fly back...but also, there were marshlands to the south west. Lorne remembered seeing them on an old map back in the palace. It was a while ago, so he wasn't sure if he was remembering the map correctly.

He moved another peice of broken debris and jerked back in surprise when he revealed a skull staring back at him, unattached to anything and charred black by smoke and fire. Lorne swallowed and gingerly lowered the broken wood back into place. He'd really rather not know what happened to the poor guy. And it was concerning--they hadn't really seen any bodies earlier and now Lorne had discovered two in a short amount of time.


Well that's definitely not something fun to run into at this time of the night while trying to look for a missing friend. Especially not given the wraiths as well. Although I have a feeling this probably isn't going to be where things go wrong given we're still so early in the chapter, but then its hard to say when the chapters are this massive.

He took a deep breath and then pushed off the counter, turning to look around the room. The building was empty, so he strode back across the room and out into the street, deliberately avoiding looking in the direction of the table hiding the charred skull.


Well yup that went alright thankfully, but it seems that did disturb Lorne pretty badly mentally at least even if it doesn't seem to have done anything physical. I wonder if that's a sign of something to come there, it seems like too strong of a reaction to not serve more of a purpose.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, things are starting to build here, given how many bits of tension we're already starting off with, it looks like you're taking us towards a bit of a climax in the not too distant future here. Well only one way to figure that out I suppose...

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents!”
— Little Women