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Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

LMS VI: Shadows & Dragonfire - Chapter 1.3

by ScarlettFire


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

LMS things again. WC: 1048

Chapter 1.3

Getting ready took a little longer than any of them liked. Issy had seemed somewhat impatient, pacing and glancing about a lot as Lorne packed a small bag and then dressed for travelling in his padded leather armour, making sure he had his daggers and their scabbards. He'd had to dig a little to find them, but eventually he did.

Then there was the issue of food for travelling. Sage had been cooking for them for the most past, and had also been making jerky. It seemed the dragon knew that some of them would leave eventually. At least Delwyn was able to bake them all some bread and various other pastries. Lorne was glad that their friend was being helpful, even if he wasn't going to come with them.

Emyrs could find almost anything, and Lorne knew they'd need that on their journey. They'd need a decent tracker on their journey.

And Cassidy... Well, Cassidy was very good at making them go unnoticed. It had helped a lot when Sage started teaching him how to ward the castle. Dragon magic and whatever it was Cassidy had was a surprisingly good combination.

Hopefully, all of that meant that their journey would be fairly smooth.

Lorne had no idea how wrong he'd be.

~*~*~*~

They had been travelling along the lake edge for several days when they ran across trouble. A small pack of wolves had found them. It was barely a fight, especially when Sage burnt them all to cinders before Lorne even had to draw his daggers. It was pure luck that the dragon happened to be on watch at the time.

After that, the journey was easier. They weren't attacked again, but there was plenty of strange noises in the forest, always very far off, somewhere beyond the edges of the forest.

Eventually, the trees gave way to grasslands and the sounds of laughter, chatter and the occasionally squeal or scream. Lorne exhcanged a look with Emrys as they rounded a bend in the path and fully emerged from the trees. Sunlight glinted off a wide river that wound its way across the plains before them, bringing with it the sight of a small group of buildings bundled together on the banks of the river. Smoke billowed up from three of the five buildings and Lorne could see a handful of people tending to a nearby field along with what appeared to be a very orney grey ox.

A small settlement, then, he thought. A village which, last he'd heard, didn't have a name. He wondered if they'd named it yet or not, but after four days of travel and an encounter with wolves, Lorne had a feeling that the others wouldn't be inclined to linger. Who knew what the villagers would do if they discovered that Sage was a dragon.

As they approached, Issy's mare shied away from him with a distressed neigh. They'd turned her into a pack horse for the journey back with a plan to find more mounts later, if at all possible. Lorne turned just in time to find she'd yanked his brother right off his feet and was side-stepping off the path and towards the nearby river.

He sighed and made to head towards her when Emyrs grabbed his arm and nodded towards the ground by her feet.

Something moved and caught his attention, flashing bright orange and black amongst the mud and grass. Lorne squinted and caught movement again, then swore. It was a snake, one that was apparently quite poisonous. Before he could attempt to draw his dagger, there was a whoosh and a thud. He blinked and found an arrow pinning a now writhing serpent to the ground.

It had gone for Issy, who was on his hands and knees in the mud with the snake mere feet from his wrist. Lorne swore again and rushed to his brother's side, quickly drawing a dagger and stabbing it down through the snake's head.

"Issy?" he asked, gently touching his stunned brother's shoulder. "Are you alright? It didn't get you, did it?"

It took a moment for his brother to recover enough to speak. "N-No... I'm... I'm fine."

"Good," he sighed and glanced up to find one of the villagers approaching them. No, not a villager. A mercenary. She was definitely of an elvish nature with pale hair and brillant blue eyes, and she wore armour that was very clearly of elvish make. "That was a good shot."

She huffed. "Better if it had been the headshot I was aiming for."

Lorne smiled and helped Issy to his feet, sheathing his dager in the process. "I suppose you're correct. Thanks for the save, regardless. A moment later and I may have been saying my brother's prayers to the Mother for him."

She inclined her head. "Indeed."

They stared at each other akwardly for a moment before she nodded and turned, heading for the villager. Lorne glanced over Issy and then ruffled his brother's hair. He could sense Sage and the other's watching them.

"You good?" he asked, studying Issy's face. Islwyn looked a little pale but was otherwise unharmed.

"Yeah," Issy said, staring after the elf lady. "I'm alright. Just a little startled." He cleared his throat and then his eyes went wide and he turned to look for his mare. "Wait. Where'd Sorell go?"

"I think she went towards the river," Cassidy said, joining them. He tilted his head in the direction of said river. "I'll help you look."

Lorne watched them go and sighed, turning to find Sage and Emrys staring at him. He raised an eyebrow at them. "What?"

Sage snorted and turned to follow the elf towards the village while Emyrs shook his head. "Nothing," Emyrs said and moved to retrieve the arrow, snake included. "I wonder if we can eat this?"

Lorne glanced down at it and frowned, then shrugged. "Maybe? We'd probably need to ask the elf woman, wouldn't we?"

Emrys laughed. "I suppose it can't hurt, can it?"

"Mmh."

They turned to follow after Sage. Emrys inspected the snake as they walked, gliding his fingers over orange and black scales. Lorne kept half an eye on him as they walked, considering their options. Hopefully Cass and Issy would be back with Sorell soon, and then they could speak to the elf. The villages looked wary and nervous. Something was clearly happening here, and Lorne wanted to know what that was.


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Thu Jan 05, 2023 9:24 am
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey again Scar - trying to work through some of these whilst in a meeting so hoping I can finish the review for this one too lol.

Getting ready took a little longer than any of them liked. Issy had seemed somewhat impatient, pacing and glancing about a lot as Lorne packed a small bag and then dressed for travelling in his padded leather armour, making sure he had his daggers and their scabbards. He'd had to dig a little to find them, but eventually he did.

I have to say Issy's impatience seems to have come from nowhere. He was perfectly content to sit with them by the fire the night before and then even when he delivered the bad news it wasn't as though there was an urgency. I also forget, was he intentionally searching for his brother or did he just happen upon him?

I like the foreshadowing of how chaotic the journey is going to be - we knew it was never going to be smooth sailing but that throwaway line fits perfectly here.

I have to say I'm not sure what exactly the wolf attack served in terms of plot? It feels a bit like it's been shoehorned in... is it to give the reader an idea of the dangers of the road or to emphasise how strong the dragon is? It feels almost rushed, and I think this seems like a case of either giving some more detail or cutting it.

After that, the journey was easier.

This then seems to completely contradict the line before about Lorne being wrong as to how easy the journey would be. If the biggest threat was the wolves and they've been dealt with in one paragraph I'm left wondering why I should even feel worried for them. It's a bit like the tension has been built up and then gone completely again in a matter of sentences.

They weren't attacked again, but there was plenty of strange noises in the forest, always very far off, somewhere beyond the edges of the forest.

was should be were

I think the part with the snake was a good way to introduce the mercenary, but I felt it was told a bit too passively. In particular this line:
It was a snake, one that was apparently quite poisonous.

It has a slow, almost laid back pacing that didn't make me feel like Issy was in any real danger, so almost negated the relief of him being saved by the elf.

They stared at each other akwardly for a moment before she nodded and turned, heading for the villager.

a couple of typos here: awkwardly and village

I'm glad they seem to be getting somewhere with their travels, but I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to be worried for them on their journey. They encounter some obstacles but they're dealt with so quickly and calmly that I don't feel much tension at any point. I'm not sure if this is intentional, but I feel the need for some drama!

Fingers crossed I can get to another part today

Icy




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Sat Dec 24, 2022 6:54 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! And I'm back for a third review...this is starting to get exciting too so....woo, let's dive in.

First Impression: Okayyy more excitement and some lovely demonstrations of some very casual looking trickshots there as well. I sense a lovely little foundation being laid here for what seems set to be a pretty long story here from the looks of things.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Getting ready took a little longer than any of them liked. Issy had seemed somewhat impatient, pacing and glancing about a lot as Lorne packed a small bag and then dressed for travelling in his padded leather armour, making sure he had his daggers and their scabbards. He'd had to dig a little to find them, but eventually he did.

Then there was the issue of food for travelling. Sage had been cooking for them for the most past, and had also been making jerky. It seemed the dragon knew that some of them would leave eventually. At least Delwyn was able to bake them all some bread and various other pastries. Lorne was glad that their friend was being helpful, even if he wasn't going to come with them.

Emyrs could find almost anything, and Lorne knew they'd need that on their journey. They'd need a decent tracker on their journey.


Okay it seems like we're dealing with pretty much the standard stuff there as far as getting ready is concerned, it honestly seems to ask a few more questions than standard there too, its not often you see fantasy quests pay too much attention to these essentials so carefully so that's lovely.

Lorne had no idea how wrong he'd be.


Always love to see a little line like this. It never manages to get old and it never fails to make me immediately absolutely have to know what it could be referring to.

They had been travelling along the lake edge for several days when they ran across trouble. A small pack of wolves had found them. It was barely a fight, especially when Sage burnt them all to cinders before Lorne even had to draw his daggers. It was pure luck that the dragon happened to be on watch at the time.

After that, the journey was easier. They weren't attacked again, but there was plenty of strange noises in the forest, always very far off, somewhere beyond the edges of the forest.

Eventually, the trees gave way to grasslands and the sounds of laughter, chatter and the occasionally squeal or scream. Lorne exhcanged a look with Emrys as they rounded a bend in the path and fully emerged from the trees. Sunlight glinted off a wide river that wound its way across the plains before them, bringing with it the sight of a small group of buildings bundled together on the banks of the river. Smoke billowed up from three of the five buildings and Lorne could see a handful of people tending to a nearby field along with what appeared to be a very orney grey ox.


Okay that's getting underway pretty quickly. I love that you took the time there to give us a little hint of what Sage is capable of. I'm going to safely assume a little pack of wolves will hardly end up being the toughest enemies to be running into, but its a nice little thing to include.

A small settlement, then, he thought. A village which, last he'd heard, didn't have a name. He wondered if they'd named it yet or not, but after four days of travel and an encounter with wolves, Lorne had a feeling that the others wouldn't be inclined to linger. Who knew what the villagers would do if they discovered that Sage was a dragon.

As they approached, Issy's mare shied away from him with a distressed neigh. They'd turned her into a pack horse for the journey back with a plan to find more mounts later, if at all possible. Lorne turned just in time to find she'd yanked his brother right off his feet and was side-stepping off the path and towards the nearby river.

He sighed and made to head towards her when Emyrs grabbed his arm and nodded towards the ground by her feet.


Ooooh perhaps we're going to see something interesting in the settlement, peaceful as it seems upon first glance. I don't think we'd be getting quite this attention directed towards it if there wasn't something to make this a little special.

Something moved and caught his attention, flashing bright orange and black amongst the mud and grass. Lorne squinted and caught movement again, then swore. It was a snake, one that was apparently quite poisonous. Before he could attempt to draw his dagger, there was a whoosh and a thud. He blinked and found an arrow pinning a now writhing serpent to the ground.

It had gone for Issy, who was on his hands and knees in the mud with the snake mere feet from his wrist. Lorne swore again and rushed to his brother's side, quickly drawing a dagger and stabbing it down through the snake's head.

"Issy?" he asked, gently touching his stunned brother's shoulder. "Are you alright? It didn't get you, did it?"

It took a moment for his brother to recover enough to speak. "N-No... I'm... I'm fine."


OOooh this is lovely to see. A moment to see the care they have for each other despite not being around each other for five years and also a lovely way to tell us more about their skills. Shooting a snake like that definitely suggests there's quite a lot of skill involved there. Not something just anyone could do.

Lorne smiled and helped Issy to his feet, sheathing his dager in the process. "I suppose you're correct. Thanks for the save, regardless. A moment later and I may have been saying my brother's prayers to the Mother for him."

She inclined her head. "Indeed."

They stared at each other akwardly for a moment before she nodded and turned, heading for the villager. Lorne glanced over Issy and then ruffled his brother's hair. He could sense Sage and the other's watching them.


Ooooh I love that moment as well. As somewhat standard as everything else has been so far, the character interactions are what have really shined through for me and that little touch of awkwardness after getting a bit close is just a perfect indicator of how this sort of thing tends to go and I'm already falling in love with these characters.

"You good?" he asked, studying Issy's face. Islwyn looked a little pale but was otherwise unharmed.

"Yeah," Issy said, staring after the elf lady. "I'm alright. Just a little startled." He cleared his throat and then his eyes went wide and he turned to look for his mare. "Wait. Where'd Sorell go?"

"I think she went towards the river," Cassidy said, joining them. He tilted his head in the direction of said river. "I'll help you look."

Lorne watched them go and sighed, turning to find Sage and Emrys staring at him. He raised an eyebrow at them. "What?"


Okayyy that's a bit of excitement although the chances of someone getting lost so early into the story when we hardly even got to know them is rare right? Right?

They turned to follow after Sage. Emrys inspected the snake as they walked, gliding his fingers over orange and black scales. Lorne kept half an eye on him as they walked, considering their options. Hopefully Cass and Issy would be back with Sorell soon, and then they could speak to the elf. The villages looked wary and nervous. Something was clearly happening here, and Lorne wanted to know what that was.


Ooooh love this little summary here, given there's a bit more of this chapter to go I'm going to assume that maybe we're not going to quite leap into everything going wrong right away but I am definitely worried that this person who's missing and the village are going to end up doing something here especially given the unease at the very introduction of it too.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, loving the flow of this so far, its slowly telling us more and more about these characters and they are becoming more and more memorable and slowly the background is swirling into some exciting plot points too. Its a bit on the slower side with the pacing but its coming together steadily.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming.
— Unknown