z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

LMS VI: Shadows & Dragonfire - Chapter 1.5

by ScarlettFire


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Word Count; 1595.

Chapter 1.5

While Lorne was busy staring at the thing with wide eyes, Alvena fired at it again. He watched as the arrow flew towards it. The eyes swung back to him and then it seemed to shimmer slightly--and the arrow passed right through it. Vena swore and quickly reached for another arrow. Lorne saw the eyes narrowed and he had the distinct feeling that something very bad was about to happen.

"Vena--" he began, turning to tackle her just as something came flying out the darkness at them. Something hit his shoulder right as they landed heavily on the wooden loft. The wood creaked ominiously and Lorne swore. He shoulder was a burning throb of pain, and he cursed against Vena's neck, pushing up onto the elbow of his uninjured arm.

"Lorne--"

He twitched, watching as the elf touched his wounded shoulder, bringing his attention towards it and not Vena's blonde hair splayed about her head or the way her blue eyes went wide. He glanced over his shoulder. One of Vena's arrows was lodged in his shoulder. He stared at it, at the small part of the shaft he could see from such an awkward angle.

"The bastard threw one of your own arrows back at you," he said, at a loss for what else to say. Vena huffed below him and pushed him up and off of her. He shifted to sit beside her, hissing as he reached back with his left hand to try and see how they were going to get it out. "I didn't... How...?"

"I would like to know how it did that, too," Vena said, brushing his hand away. There was a sharp jolt of pain and the sound of snapping wood, then Vena tossed a broken arrow shaft into his lap. "This is no mere beast."

"I noticed," he said, wincing. "It's...too smart. Also, am I wrong in assuming it has magic?"

"It would appear so," Vena agreed.

They both turned to look over the edge of the loft. Lorne frowned. The area below them was empty. The beast was gone and they could no longer hear it.

"Fuck," Lorne said, with feeling. Vena hummed in agreement. "Now what?"

"Now we go see what damage has been done," she said, patting his unijured shoulder gently, "and clean up. The beast will have already taken its fill of the village."

"Is it like this almost every night?"

"Yes," Vena said, sighing. "Welcome to the village."

~*~*~*~

Later, Lorne was sitting by the village's main bonfire with Vena and Sage behind him while they worked to removed the arrow head from his shoulder. It had, thankfully, missed his shouldeblade, but it had lodged deep slightly off towards his spine. Sage had mused that he was lucky it had not gone a few inches to the left. Which meant it had hit the muscle and it would not be pleasant to remove.

"I have to cut it out," Vena warned, and Lorne exhaled. He took the piece of wood that a villager handed him. It looked like it had once been some kind of spoon or fork. "It will hurt."

"Like it doesn't hurt already?" he asked with a snort. He eyed he piece of wood then glanced back at where Sage and Vena were sitting, obviously studying his back. He nodded towards his hip. "Use one of my daggers. It's probably best suited for this."

Vena nodded and he felt one of the sheathed daggers on his hip disappear. "Very well," the elf said and he faced forward again. "Brace yourself. On the count of three."

"Alright." He brought the wood up and bit down on it hard.

"One," Vena said, and he felt her place the tip of his dagger against his skin. It was a light touch, barely there but it was warning enough. Lorne tensed, sensing danger and pain. "Two."

"You need to relax," Sage said, gripping his other shoulder. "Or it will hurt more than this."

Lorne grunted in acknowledgement and exhaled heavily. This, he thought darkly, is going to be extemely unpleasant.

"Breathe," Cassidy reminded him from somewhere to his left.

"Three," Vena said as soon as he'd relaxed a little--and yanked, hard. Lorne felt the blade dig in beside the arrow at the same time and cried out, the sound muffled by the wood he was biting down on. There was a brief moment where all he could feel was pain and tearing and then...then the sharp point of pressure and pain that had been present in his shoulder for at least an hour was gone. Oh, it still hurt, but there was relief in knowing that the arrow head was no longer lodged in his shoulder. "There we go."

He heard something clatter to the ground beside them and sagged with a groan, tilting forwards. The edges of his vision were dancing on towards black and grey. He could feel hot liquid flowing down his back--blood, of course--and was distantly glance that they'd removed his armour and cut his shirt off. It was only pure luck that the arrow had missed his armour.

Lorne spat the wood out. "Fuck," he said, rubbing at his face. "That hurts more than I remember it doing."

"Been hit with an arrow before, have you?" Vena asked mildly as she dabbed at his back, then pressed hard against the wound. He hissed.

"Once or twice," he muttered. "Though, never the shoulder. Thigh or hip, sure--"

A hand traced over his lower back, just above the bone of his hip. Vena's hand--it was too small to be Sage's. "Like here?"

He swallowed, tensing. "Yes."

"Hmm," Vena hummed. "I see."

"Here," Sage said, and Vena murmured a thanks before removed her hand and the cloth she'd had pressed to the wound in his shoulder. "We could stitch it," the dragon added, almost in warning, "but cauterising is faster."

A moment later, there was burning heat against his shoulder and Lorne swore again, calling Sage, his mother and the dragon's grandmothers all some very choice words. Sage snorted in response--and then the heated metal was gone. Lorne clenched his teeth together as they let his sizzling skin settle.

"Now you will not bleed out," Vena said, and she sounded amused. "You said you had an ointment for burns?"

"Ah, yes," Sage replied, and there was the soft clack of something made of earthenware exchanging hands--and then there was cool, numbing salve and slightly calloused fingers brushing over angry, burnt flesh.

"Better?" Vena asked and Lorne sagged forward even more.

"Better," he agreed, mildly put out. "Although, next time, perhaps we try stitching it instead of cauterising?"

Vena laughed. "I'll consider it," she said, patting a spot that was injured before getting up. "Alright, let's go see what the beast has done this time."

"You stay put," Sage told him, grip tightening momentarily on his uninjuried shoulder. Lorne snorted and twisted to look up at the dragon.

"After that?" he began, gesturing to his shoulder. "I don't think I'm going anywhere."

"Pity that none here have healing magic," the elf mused, and then she turned and headed off towards some of the villagers who were keeping watch.

Lorne didn't bother to watch her go. He kept his gaze steady on Sage and the dragon gazed back calmly. The dragon suddenly frowned. "You said the beast appeared to shimmer slightly?"

"Yes." He pressed his lips together, scowling. "It was very odd."

"And then the arrow came back towards you?"

"Yes."

Sage hummed thoughtfully. "Then it is safe to assume this beast is somehow in possession of magic?"

"It'd appear so, yeah."

The dragon nodded and then turned towards Cassidy and the others. "That is very unsettling."

"No shit," Lorne muttered and looked away, towards the others. Cassidy was on his feet now, frowning. Issy was sitting on a log beside him while Emrys sat on another log behind them. He stood abruptly and nodding firmly at Lorne and the others before following after the she-elf.

"Oh, by the way," Issy said suddenly, eyeing the dragon. "What'd you sense before?"

"Hm?" the dragon hummed, glancing towards their youngest companion. "What do you mean?"

Issy frowned. "Back at the castle? Before we left?" he asked, tilting his head. "You said you sensed something and then you flew off...but you didn't mention anything when you came back. What was it? You never said, so I figured you probably didn't find anything, but well.... that's weird, see? So, I... uh... I figured I'd ask--"

"Issy."

"No," Sage said, raising his hand. "Islwyn is correct. I did not tell you what I found and that was irresponsible of me. Careless, really." He sighed and lowered the hand, looking from Issy to Lorne to Cassidy and back. "I should have told you but I hadn't thought it was important...until now."

"Oh?"

"Mmh. I found tracks," the dragon told them and they all stared at him.

"What?" Lorne asked, stunned. "What kind of tracks?"

"I was not sure. They looked to be those of a large cat of some kind, but then they led away from the castle and I..." The dragon frowned, seemingly confused. "I... Oh, dear. I cannot remember. How odd."

"Perhaps that's why you didn't mention it before?" Cassidy suggested, gesturing towards Sage, and the dragon inclined his head. "Maybe you ran into something? Like... I don't know, some kind of magic or some kind of creature? And it... wiped your memory or something?"

Sage's frown deepened. "Perhaps?" The dragon's red gaze darted towards Lorne. "You don't think....?"

"You think you encountered the creature?" Lorne asked, frowning up at him.

"You did say it appeared to have magic, correct?"

"Well... yes."

Sage blinked once, twice and then let out a long, slow breath. "Well," he said, glancing towards where Emrys and Alvena were. "That is deeply unsettling, is it not?"

Lorne snorted. That was putting it mildly, for sure.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1487 Reviews


Points: 154417
Reviews: 1487

Donate
Fri Jan 06, 2023 3:10 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi, me again!

I wonder first off, if there's anything you could do to speed up the pace in the first part of this? It feels like Lorne has more time than I would expect during this fight. For instance, when he watches the elf, or when he turns to tackle her. The language is perhaps too passive (?) and it slows the pace, reduces the urgency. I think the fight is well written but I'd like to see a little more energy I think.

"I noticed," he said, wincing. "It's...too smart. Also, am I wrong in assuming it has magic?"

"It would appear so," Vena agreed.

I get what you're trying to say, but Vena's response read to me like Lorne was wrong in assuming - does that make sense?

"Now we go see what damage has been done," she said, patting his unijured shoulder gently, "and clean up. The beast will have already taken its fill of the village."

"Is it like this almost every night?"

"Yes," Vena said, sighing. "Welcome to the village."

This makes a bit more sense as to why she wasn't surprised! Little nitpick, but the repetition of the village at the end of those two lines felt a bit off to me.

I really enjoyed reading the interaction between Lorne, Sage and Vena towards the end of this. It injected some levity and humour that felt like a good contrast from the beast they'd just been fighting and Sage is quickly becoming one of my favourite characters. I don't like the idea that this creature might be able to tamper with his memory though. I think I expect dragons to be so powerful that mere magic couldn't do that to them so I definitely agree with this statement:

"That is deeply unsettling, is it not?"


I'm not sure I'm convinced it's the same beast they just fought, because if it can do that to a dragon then surely it would have just wiped out the village in one fell swoop? But whatever it is, I'm not looking forward to meeting it...

Happy Friday!

Icy




User avatar
4102 Reviews


Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102

Donate
Sat Dec 24, 2022 8:06 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! Another moment, another piece, I am slowly getting ever so slightly hooked now I think...

First Impression: Okayyy we have ourselves a rather delicious bit of mystery there towards the end and a little bit of a hiccup in the form of that wound there. All lovely details to make things a lot more interesting all over again. Can't wait to see where we go with this.

Anyway let's get right to it,

While Lorne was busy staring at the thing with wide eyes, Alvena fired at it again. He watched as the arrow flew towards it. The eyes swung back to him and then it seemed to shimmer slightly--and the arrow passed right through it. Vena swore and quickly reached for another arrow. Lorne saw the eyes narrowed and he had the distinct feeling that something very bad was about to happen.

"Vena--" he began, turning to tackle her just as something came flying out the darkness at them. Something hit his shoulder right as they landed heavily on the wooden loft. The wood creaked ominiously and Lorne swore. He shoulder was a burning throb of pain, and he cursed against Vena's neck, pushing up onto the elbow of his uninjured arm.

"Lorne--"


Oooh shots being taken already here. Well this is quite the serious not to be starting this off with. Not too terribly often you have the first proper battle already injuring the protagonist without even that much of a fuss. Certainly drives home how powerful the thing they are fighting is though.

"The threw one of your own arrows back at you," he said, at a loss for what else to say. Vena huffed below him and pushed him up and off of her. He shifted to sit beside her, hissing as he reached back with his left hand to try and see how they were going to get it out. "I didn't... How...?"

"I would like to know how it did that, too," Vena said, brushing his hand away. There was a sharp jolt of pain and the sound of snapping wood, then Vena tossed a broken arrow shaft into his lap. "This is no mere beast."

"I noticed," he said, wincing. "It's...too smart. Also, am I wrong in assuming it has magic?"

"It would appear so," Vena agreed.


Oooh so this is definitely not just some remnant of the dead that functions as some sort of minions being sent to attack a village, either its some sort of thing out for vengeance, or somehow the thing that's sending out minions is just using the ones that appear at the highest difficulty and sending them at the very start.

"Now we go see what damage has been done," she said, patting his unijured shoulder gently, "and clean up. The beast will have already taken its fill of the village."

"Is it like this almost every night?"

"Yes," Vena said, sighing. "Welcome to the village."


Well...that's a little depressing of a note there, but I love that you showcased this to us in such an unexpected way. This tiny little scene and its emotions and actual actions showed us so much more than a simple explanation ever could.

Later, Lorne was sitting by the village's main bonfire with Vena and Sage behind him while they worked to removed the arrow head from his shoulder. It had, thankfully, missed his shouldeblade, but it had lodged deep slightly off towards his spine. Sage had mused that he was lucky it had not gone a few inches to the left. Which meant it had hit the muscle and it would not be pleasant to remove.

"I have to cut it out," Vena warned, and Lorne exhaled. He took the piece of wood that a villager handed him. It looked like it had once been some kind of spoon or fork. "It will hurt."

"Like it doesn't hurt already?" he asked with a snort. He eyed he piece of wood then glanced back at where Sage and Vena were sitting, obviously studying his back. He nodded towards his hip. "Use one of my daggers. It's probably best suited for this."


Ooooh this is lovely to see. I thought this was going to end up going to go a little bit ignored as it often is the case especially with sizeable injuries at the start of a story, but its great to se it actually being acknowledged and then dealt with in a way that actually seems very realistic to how it would actually be done.

"Breathe," Cassidy reminded him from somewhere to his left.

"Three," Vena said as soon as he'd relaxed a little--and yanked, hard. Lorne felt the blade dig in beside the arrow at the same time and cried out, the sound muffled by the wood he was biting down on. There was a brief moment where all he could feel was pain and tearing and then...then the sharp point of pressure and pain that had been present in his shoulder for at least an hour was gone. Oh, it still hurt, but there was relief in knowing that the arrow head was no longer lodged in his shoulder. "There we go."


Well that's always a plus there. I have a feeling this is going to end up causing some sort of problem at an important moment, little kinks for the protagonist always seem to end up doing that and this one is a perfect spot to effect a lot.

He heard something clatter to the ground beside them and sagged with a groan, tilting forwards. The edges of his vision were dancing on towards black and grey. He could feel hot liquid flowing down his back--blood, of course--and was distantly glance that they'd removed his armour and cut his shirt off. It was only pure luck that the arrow had missed his armour.

"Been hit with an arrow before, have you?" Vena asked mildly as she dabbed at his back, then pressed hard against the wound. He hissed.

"Once or twice," he muttered. "Though, never the shoulder. Thigh or hip, sure--"


Oh yeah that definitely suggests this is going to have some sort of impact, at the very least in a minor sense in the coming parts if not later on in a much larger way. There's definitely too much attention on the wound for it to be much else.

A moment later, there was burning heat against his shoulder and Lorne swore again, calling Sage, his mother and the dragon's grandmothers all some very choice words. Sage snorted in response--and then the heated metal was gone. Lorne clenched his teeth together as they let his sizzling skin settle.

"Now you will not bleed out," Vena said, and she sounded amused. "You said you had an ointment for burns?"

"Ah, yes," Sage replied, and there was the soft clack of something made of earthenware exchanging hands--and then there was cool, numbing salve and slightly calloused fingers brushing over angry, burnt flesh.


Oh wow, it has been a long, long time since I saw a wound being cauterized like that in a story, that's not a thing you see too often mostly of how clearly very painful this is although I think its arguably going to end up resulting in a better outcome for Lorne for the moment given quite how much blood was present.

"Pity that none here have healing magic," the elf mused, and then she turned and headed off towards some of the villagers who were keeping watch.


That certainly is quite a pity.

Lorne didn't bother to watch her go. He kept his gaze steady on Sage and the dragon gazed back calmly. The dragon suddenly frowned. "You said the beast appeared to shimmer slightly?"

"Yes." He pressed his lips together, scowling. "It was very odd."

"And then the arrow came back towards you?"

"Yes."

Sage hummed thoughtfully. "Then it is safe to assume this beast is somehow in possession of magic?"


Okayy well that's two people who have pretty much confirmed that, so that's pretty much ag given then. I have a feeling there's going to be some sort of investigation into that and they're going to end up spending a little bit of time here trying to solve that if not get rid of the beast entirely.

"Oh, by the way," Issy said suddenly, eyeing the dragon. "What'd you sense before?"

"Hm?" the dragon hummed, glancing towards their youngest companion. "What do you mean?"

Issy frowned. "Back at the castle? Before we left?" he asked, tilting his head. "You said you sensed something and then you flew off...but you didn't mention anything when you came back. What was it? You never said, so I figured you probably didn't find anything, but well.... that's weird, see? So, I... uh... I figured I'd ask--"

"Issy."


Ooooh this is fun. I have to admit I kind of have no idea what Issy is referring to but if this actually did end up happening, this is a lovely way to have a callback to that, and we'll certainly a learn a lot simply from how Sage reacts to it.

"No," Sage said, raising his hand. "Islwyn is correct. I did not tell you what I found and that was irresponsible of me. Careless, really." He sighed and lowered the hand, looking from Issy to Lorne to Cassidy and back. "I should have told you but I hadn't thought it was important...until now."

"Oh?"

"Mmh. I found tracks," the dragon told them and they all stared at him.


Oooh Sage seems to have a good policy about giving out information there although this being the only time this happened and the other hints at secrets does make it seem like this is maybe more of a rarer thing than normal. Aaand well this is also quite some intriguing information here, seems like it would be relevant to their journey too.

"What?" Lorne asked, stunned. "What kind of tracks?"

"I was not sure. They looked to be those of a large cat of some kind, but then they led away from the castle and I..." The dragon frowned, seemingly confused. "I... Oh, dear. I cannot remember. How odd."

"Perhaps that's why you didn't mention it before?" Cassidy suggested, gesturing towards Sage, and the dragon inclined his head. "Maybe you ran into something? Like... I don't know, some kind of magic or some kind of creature? And it... wiped your memory or something?"

Sage's frown deepened. "Perhaps?" The dragon's red gaze darted towards Lorne. "You don't think....?"


Okayyy well that is pretty suspicious, because you have to assume something that's smart enough to cover its track by wiping memories would try and be better about wiping any evidence of said wipe too so while it could just be shoddy work or vague dragon magic things, it also casts a tiny bit of suspicion on Sage.

"You think you encountered the creature?" Lorne asked, frowning up at him.

"You did say it appeared to have magic, correct?"

"Well... yes."

Sage blinked once, twice and then let out a long, slow breath. "Well," he said, glancing towards where Emrys and Alvena were. "That is deeply unsettling, is it not?"

Lorne snorted. That was putting it mildly, for sure.


Loving the repetition of that line there. I definitely snorted with laughter too there. Besides me reading perhaps a little too much into how suspicious Sage is in this moment, that is still leaving us with much to think about here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, love that we're learning more about this creature and the that the more information we appear to know, it only ends up raising two questions for each one that get's answered. Can't wait to see what they end up making of it as we go along.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





"For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein