Young Writers Society

Two more parts to go and then I'm all caught up! I'm hoping I can do both of them today, or at least by Thursday so I'm ready for whatever you post next.

The time jump at the start of this one, though not huge, was a bit disconcerting as it felt quite sudden after the events of the last section. We also often seem to jump to Lorne waking up/ getting out of bed and it's feeling a little samey. If you could change it up I think that would help.

It also feels quite early in the story given that we're only on chapter two for him to be thinking about how long he's travelled and all the things he's faced. I appreciate quite a bit of time has passed but because we as the reader have only been on the journey for a short time it doesn't quite line up.

I find it surprising that given how short their conversation was about the girl that attacked Emrys they're so sure she followed them to their next occasion. They've established nothing about her and haven't even really hypothesised as to why she attacked him but now Lorne seems very sure of her. I don't feel like we've been brought along for that part, so it kind of comes out of nowhere.

Then we time jump again, and I think the conversation between Lorne and Emrys could have happened after the jump so we don't need to jump twice - I feel like I'm just getting into the story before we jump forward each time.

I love the intro of pirates of characters and I think they're going to be a lot of fun to read (and hopefully fun for you to write too). I'd like to have a bit more of an indication of how far our characters need to travel to get to Issy and Lorne's parents. I assume needing the horses means it's a way away but it would be good to understand how long they expect to be on the road so how much they need in terms of supplies.

Onwards to pirates!

Icy

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! And just like that we're on the part before last here as far as catching up is concerned..well, let's get to it without me rambling for much longer.

First Impression: Okayyy so so all our problems are changing now I think. Love to see that. Having all of the issues being laid bare and acknowledged but the main issue at the moment turning out to just be transport and the lack of a proper healer. Certainly not a problem that gets addressed enough sometimes so I love seeing so much attention given to it.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sleeping in an actual bed after weeks on the road was a welcome change. Lorne was certainly enjoying the change. He'd missed sleeping in a bed. Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't bothered. Alvena was still looking for her brother and there was still the necromancer that Issy had mentioned rumours of, though asking around in the city's various taverns and inns revealed no sign of them. Not even a tiny little rumour.

Plenty of stories about roaming beasts and monsters, and plenty of talk of magic and dragons--but no necromancer.

Lorne was also concerned about the girl tthat Emrys had encountered. They'd seen no sign of her, heard nothing. He had a feeling she'd been following them, but he couldn't be sure. Whenever he checked behind them or around their camp for the night, he couldn't find anything. That didn't mean she wasn't there.

"Drinking, Lorne? This early in the morning?"

Lorne snorted and glanced over to see Emrys watching him with a raised eyebrow. "After Edda? I think I'm entitled to a drink or two."

Emrys just sighed, waved down the bartender to order a drink and joined him at the bar. "I suppose you've got a point," he said, casually leaning back against the bar beside him. "Edda was a mess." Emrys smiled. "Seen any sign of the girl?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. Even Sage says he hasn't noticed her." Lorne frowned and took another sip of his ale. "And that's pretty damn impressive, to be perfectly honest."

Emrys frowned and sipped his ale, glancing about the tavern warily. "Where would she be?" he asked, concerned. "Do you think she's here, in the tavern?"

Lorne shrugged. "Sarea's a big city, Emrys. She could be anywhere." He cast Emrys a dark look. "And we still need to find a healer, don't we?"

"Ugh," the other man groaned. "Don't remind me. I have a feeling we'll be needing one in the future..."

"No shit," Lorne muttered sourly. "I am not looking forward to the rest of this adventure."

Which led him to the docks on the lake shore.

Lorne studied the dozen or so ships scattered across the docks, frowning as he eyed each flag to figure out which one might offer them passage across the lake and down the river to the coast. He turned to find Emrys standing behind him, watching him and then glancing over the ships. Of course, Lorne hadn't come to the docks alone.

"What?" Lorne asked, catching the look Emrys sent him. "What's that look for?"

The other prince seemed to consider that for a long moment, then fixed him with a narrow-eyed, considering look. "Couldn't hurt to ask," Emrys said, tilting his head in thought. "Come on. I think I know where the captain is."

Emrys led him to a dingy little tavern right on the border of the docks and warehouse area and the main markets on the edge of the city. Lorne merely followed the older prince inside, keeping his mouth shut as Emrys spoke lowly with the bartender and was directed towards a door guarded by a mountain of a man with a wicked scar across his face and down his neck, where it disappeared beneath his shirt. Emrys nodded, thanked the man and turned to head towards the door and the large, scarred man.

"Emrys," Lorne hissed, catching his friend's attention when he paused to glance towards him. "Is that wise?"

"Hush, Lorne," the older prince said. "Let me do the talking."

"But--"

Emrys stopped before the other man, tilting his head back just a little to look up at the man, who had stepped in the way. The man grunted at them and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What d'ya want?" he demanded, scowling at him.

"I wish to speak to your captain," Emrys said, raising an eyebrow at the man. The giant pirate just glowered at him, unimpressed. "About passage down the river to the coast."

The pirate watched him a moment longer, then smirked. "Ballsy one, ain't ya?" he said, then turned to open the door. "Follow me."

He pushed through the doorway and into the shadowy room beyond. Lorne and Emrys exchanged a glance before following after him.