Young Writers Society

Hey Scarlett! It's been a minute since I read something of yours and I see there's a few chapters of this in the Green Room so I'm using that as an excuse to go back to the very first part. I'm currently terrible at committing to reading things but I hope I can get through a good chunk today! (Also, your posts are really good in terms of length and reading on a screen which is appreciated).

I already love the names of the character's you've chosen here, and am very glad you shortened our MC's name to Issy because for the life of me I will not be able to pronounce Islwyn (Iss-lewin?) and this just feels more manageable. I'm also already invested in Sorrell and is it ok if my favourite character is a horse?

Throwing us into the action first off worked well for me. It's not super overwhelming but it already makes me want to keep reading because dragons.

I was quite surprised with the turn the first chapter took after the setup from the intro. The way Issy talked about his brother I expected a lot of his actions in the novel to be fueled by a missing brother and then he sort of stumbles upon Lorne pretty quickly? 1.1 flows pretty well but it leads me to wonder what the point was of having the prologue if all the conflict is resolved almost instantaneously? And if Lorne was happy to come home with basically no resistance, why hasn't he done so before now? He clearly missed his family, so why wait?

I'm going to leave it here for this part because I think the other reviews have captured my thoughts pretty well but I'm going to head over to part two now!

Hope this was helpful

Icy

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! I'm hoping to at least do five six reviews on this and start getting some of these out of the green room, but we'll see how well that goes.

First Impression: Okayy this a solid place to start. The names are kind of impossible to actually go ahead and remember but that's to be expected with fantasy (just umm sorry in advance if I end up misspelling them a few hundred times) and well not much else to say here. Love the dynamics I'm seeing with the characters but not much else really happened.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Islwyn ca Melnaris, youngest prince of Melnar, had finally arrived at his destination. He'd slain several dragons already but none had had either a prisoner or his brother. In fact, most had just had hordes of gold. He'd taken to sending his mother a message, letting her and the Queen's Guard--which Issy knew were following him--know where to find more gold for the royal vaults.

It didn't matter that he was only fifteen or that most people saw him as a princess, and not the prince he'd prefer to be. It didn't matter that he wasn't searching for riches or glory. Only his brother mattered, and last they'd heard, Lorne had gone to slay a dragon somewhere to the far flung south-east, and hadn't come back.

So there he was, tired and sweaty and cranky, rounding the bend near the heavily forested shore of a lake, sunlight glinting off the surface and reflecting off the foreboding-looking castle up ahead. It looked half-ruined, and occasionally Islwyn could see the shadow of something large flying overhead.

The dragon.

He swallowed and urged his horse a little faster, but the poor thing was nearly done and stumbled. Something skittered in the underbrush nearby, causing the mare to rear up and toss him from the saddle. Issy landed with a grunt and rolled with the momentum. He came to a stop and lay flat on his back, staring up at the swaying forest canopy above him.

"Well," he said, huffing slightly. "That was entirely uncalled for, Sorrell!"

The mare huffed at him and came trotting over, nudging at Issy's hair and face before licking him. He shoved her head away with a grimace and rolled up onto his knees.

"Ew, must you?" he asked when she came right back. He sighed and stood, dusting himself off. Sorrell, cheeky brat that she was, skipped away a step or two when he reached for her reins. "I guess we walk from here, huh?"

Issy cast a look about the tiny, half-forgotten path he'd been following and heaved a sigh. Apparently, he had no choice but to walk. He tightened his grip on Sorrell's reins and turned towards the looming castle. It really was much closer than it'd been when he first spotted it.

Exchanging a look with his mare, Islwyn set off along the tiny, overgrown and winding path towards the ruined castle. It didn't take long to get here, and it was certainly a surprise to find the dragon waiting for him.

"Right," he said, eyeing the dragon carefully as he released Sorrell's reins and reached to draw his sword. "I suppose we'd best to straight to it, then?"

Without another word, he sprang forward and swiftly dodged the dragonfire that was spewed at him.

Lorne was calmly tending the garden with his friends when he saw Sage, the dragon take to the skies from the tower top they'd been resting on. He watched them for a moment before glancing towards the others, catching Delwyn's eye. The two princes shared a look before standing up and dusting off their hands, heading towards the low wall that bordered the lake to watch the dragon circle back around over the forest.

"What do you think they saw?" Lorne asked, watching as Sage drifted over them and then out over the lake again. He looked at Delwyn in concern.

"I don't know," the other prince said, frowning and shoving near-white hair out of his face. "Maybe they spotted a deer?"

"Or an intruder," someone else added, and Lorne turned to find Cassidy--the youngest of them--watching their dragon as it glided over the forest with one hand shading his eyes from the glaring sunlight. "I mean, it's not unreasonable to assume someone would eventually come here to hunt them, right?"

Lorne sighed. "You're far too morbid this early in the morning."

"It's mid-afternoon, Lorne."

He snorted. "That's the point."

Cassidy huffed. "You spoil all my fun."

With that, the younger man turned and stalked back towards the garden. In the distance, Lorne could hear a horse neighing and the sound of Sage roaring. He blinked. That was...not exactly comforting.

"Think he found something?" Lorne asked and turned to Delwyn.

The other man shrugged. "If he did, I'm not getting in the way."

"I wouldn't want to either," he muttered, turning back to the small garden. Cassidy and Emyrs were talking in low voices, glancing from Lorne and Delwyn then in the vague direction of Sage's roaring.

Suddenly, there was shouting and the sounds of metal deflecting off dragon scales--a distinctly rough, hollow-sounding noise--and then more shouting. Lorne exchanged a look with the other three then turned and headed for the main gates. Delwyn, Cassidy and Emyrs followed quickly, all drawing their various weapons--Cassidy a bow, Delwyn and Emyrs their swords and Lorne his daggers.

Navigating the half-ruined castle was not a task for the easily confused. There was a reason Sage had chosen this place, and Lorne could respect that. Regardless, they'd all been there long enough to be familiar with the various paths through the ruins and quickly approached the main gatehouse.

The ruined front gates loomed in front of him, a shell of its former glory but still recognisable enough. But that wasn't what had Lorne's attention. It was their dragon, deep green scales glittering in the sunlight filtering down through leaves and broken stonework as he moved about the small clearing right outside the gates. A glint of metal and Lorne saw a horse skittering out of the way, a flash of silver and--

Wait a moment... Was that Islwyn?

He froze, staring at the scene before him as Sage shifted from dragon to human wicked-fast and caught the intruder's sword, tossing it off into the trees with such force that there was a mighty crack and a tree came crashing down. Lorne didn't even bother with that, though.

His little sister was here. His little sister was staring down a freaking dragon. What the hell was Islwyn doing here? And why was she dressed like that? He took a hesitant step forward, shaking off the hand that tried to hold him back.

"Islwyn?" he called and watched his sister's eyes dart towards him. They narrowed in confusion before going wide. "What are you doing here?"

"Lorne?!" she cried and made to take a step towards him only for Sage, in dragon form again, to step between them and stop her. "You monster! You can't hoard princes!"

That seemed to make Sage hesitate and the dragon melted down in his human form, planting his feet firmly on the ground and staring Islwyn down. Lorne could only imagine the look on the dragon's face, red eyes glinting dangerously.

"And what makes you think I'm hoarding them?" Sage asked, sounding confused.

Islwyn threw her hands up and pointed at Lorne and the others, raising her voice. "What else would you be doing? They're right there and none of them have left! Why wouldn't that be hoarding?"

Sage laughed. "Trust me, little one, I'm not keeping anyone here against their will."

Lorne's little sister muttered something under her breath and huffed, crossing her arms and jutting her chin out defiantly. The glare she sent their dragon would've melted steel, but apparently it just amused Sage even more, because the dragon chuckled lowly.

"What was that?" he mused, crouching down so she could see Lorne and the others more clearly. Lorne pointedly put his daggers away, gesturing for the other princes to follow his lead.

"I said," Islwyn said, raising her voice, "that the rumours certainly implied you were hoarding princes..."

"Young one, I am definitely doing no such thing--"

Delwyn sighed and stepped forward, moving to lay a hand on Sage's shoulder. The dragon tensed for a second before relaxing once he realised who it was. "We all came here to slay the dragon, but failed...and, uh..."

"They were too ashamed to return home," Sage finished for him. Delwyn nodded.

"Yeah, that." He shrugged, resting his hand on his sword hilt. "I know, such a stupid reason, right?"

"Very," Islwyn agreed, then turned her gaze on Lorne. "You should have come home. Our parents are very worried about you, Lorne."

"Oh, you were only gone for like five years," she said, sarcasm dripped from each word. "You wouldn't know, would you?"

Lorne stared at her blankly. He wouldn't know? Know what?

"I'm not a girl anymore," Islwyn announced proudly, puffing up her chest a little. "I'm a boy and you should call me such now."

Oh. Lorne didn't know what to say to that, so he just opened his arms and raised an eyebrow expectantly. "Well, little brother, you're not gonna come hug the brother you've been looking for?"

Islwyn was quiet for a moment before letting out a sob and rushing forwards into Lorne's arms. He pressed his face into Lorne's chest, hugging him tightly. Gods, his little brother grown up, hadn't he? Lorne hugged him back tightly, face pressed into Islwyn's wild, curly red hair.

"I missed you, Issy," he whispered.

"We missed you more, Lorne," Issy whispered back, tightening his hold on him. "Will you come home now?"

Lorne had to take a moment to clear his throat. "Of course I will."

Scar! <3 It's about time I'm reading and reviewing this xD only after five weeks, but better late than never. First off, can I just say that the title is just so Scar? Like, it's like you were thinking "how can I let people know that this is fantasy?" and then tossed fantasy buzzwords together and said "yess good" <-- mood tho

Islwyn ca Melnaris, youngest prince of Melnar, had finally arrived at his destination. He'd slain several dragons already but none had had either a prisoner or his brother. In fact, most had just had hordes of gold. He'd taken to sending his mother a message, letting her and the Queen's Guard--which Issy knew were following him--know where to find more gold for the royal vaults.

It didn't matter that he was only fifteen or that most people saw him as a princess, and not the prince he'd prefer to be. It didn't matter that he wasn't searching for riches or glory. Only his brother mattered, and last they'd heard, Lorne had gone to slay a dragon somewhere to the far flung south-east, and hadn't come back.

Without another word, he sprang forward and swiftly dodged the dragonfire that was spewed at him.

"Or an intruder," someone else added, and Lorne turned to find Cassidy--the youngest of them--watching their dragon as it glided over the forest with one hand shading his eyes from the glaring sunlight. "I mean, it's not unreasonable to assume someone would eventually come here to hunt them, right?"

Suddenly, there was shouting and the sounds of metal deflecting off dragon scales--a distinctly rough, hollow-sounding noise--and then more shouting.

"Oh, you were only gone for like five years," she said, sarcasm dripped from each word. "You wouldn't know, would you?"

"I missed you, Issy," he whispered.

"We missed you more, Lorne," Issy whispered back, tightening his hold on him. "Will you come home now?"

Lorne had to take a moment to clear his throat. "Of course I will."

Hello, I hope you're having a good day or night!
I love stories about dragons, so when I saw a description for this work, I knew I had to check it out! And it did not disappoint. This reminded me a bit of Wings of Fires' Dragonslayer with similar vibes to Dealing with Dragons, which I'm all here for. Yet with all its similarities, it still reads as a refreshing take on the genre, with a lot to offer, depending on where you take the story.
I think my favorite part though is your characters. They're all so endearing. There is so much to unpack in regard to princes setting off to kill a dragon, only to fail and never return due to the shame. It in equal parts makes me adore the characters but fear the society they came from to make them this way.
I will note that the reunion did feel a tad underwhelming to me. Issy hasn't seen his brother in five years, has slain multiple sentient dragons in an attempt to find him, and when he finally does, discovers Lorne has just been hanging about with one for the last several years.
I guess I would have hoped for a little more build up, and a little more payoff. I'd like to see all Iswyn had to do to find his brother, and understand exactly what made Lorne feel he needed to stay with the dragon, rather than returning home.
I have a brother. And if he disappeared for five years, allegedly kidnapped by a dragon, and I go on a rescue mission to save him only to discover he could have come home at any time, I would have been angry. Especially after all of the dragons I killed (which I assume Issy didn't know were intelligent beings) and after all the effort I put to save them.
You may very well address this in later chapters though, so feel free to disregard if that is the case.
One last thing, and this is a minor nitpick, I'd refrain from using "!?" in the future, as it does not appear in published works.
To be quite frank, I really, really enjoyed this! It's been ages since I've read a good story about dragons, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this narrative will progress as the weeks go by! I wish you luck in Last Man Standing, partially so I can continue reading this awesome story, lol! Keep on writing, and have a great day!