Am I the only one?

Good job, interestinf font and format. But I felt like you kept repeating the concept that the cup was half full, yeah we get. Maybe just keeping it in the first and last line would be good. Just a suggestion It requires a bit more editing but overall very good I especially like how you wrote the word fall vertically, down the page! Awesome, keep writing!

Hello scandalousphoenix!!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!!
I really loved this, as I can really relate to this poem, I really do sometimes see it as half empty but when someone asks I just say half full.
I liked the images you put in my head, sometimes it flowed, others it didn't.
I liked the repetition of 'but I declared the cup half full', nice work!
~keep writing

Hey! Okay, so I'll go stanza-by-stanza and then summarize. Cool? Cool.

"The glass is half full-
I see it half empty, not full.
But I say it is half full."

I like the way you rock back-and-forth here a bit; it feels almost as though you're talking to yourself, verbalizing your internalized frustration of "I need to be an optimist...even though I'm not." I have mixed emotions about the way it's expressed here, because as I said I like the back-and-forth of it, but I also feel as though it's a bit redundant and kind of trips over itself a little. You're also sacrificing the rhythm of the poem a little.


"Forcing out optimism,
making it ooze out,
trickling down my chin."

I like the concept, I just feel as though it needs a little "umph." Really work on expanding your imagery, because it's close (so, so close), but still in need of a little something creatively.


"Clenching my teeth,
forcing out
an oh-so-pitiful smile."

Again, just lacking something. I think you need to add more to your underlying theme. Think of the glass, think of water - think of drowning on forced optimism. (Or not. Come up with whatever angle you please, but find one, and hit that angle hard). Just rely on some cohesive idea, and I think this poem will improve exponentially.


"I declare the cup
half-full."

I. Freaking. Love this.


"Looking at the dark sky,
pitch black for it’s the
darkest of nights."

Noooo, we're veering off into some unknown and unrelated direction from which this poem may not return! And worse, you are creeping closer and closer to cliche. Step lightly.


"Thoughts screaming in my head,
around and around they go."

I like the fact that this poem darkens; it provides a brilliant contrast. Your way of going about that, however, could use a little bit of work. These lines are a bit overdone and typical, and while they aren't painfully so, they are not unique and do very little to bolster the strength of your writing, or to evoke emotion. Remember to avoid those commonplace images in lieu of finding your own voice.


"They circle into one questions,
one question that there’s
no answer to."

I almost feel as though this should shift directly into "Why am I still alive?" simply because on its own this stanza does very little.


Why am I still alive?


"Stumbling through a fog of haziness, <-- This line's pretty fog/haziness is redundant
I step on a rock,
causing a landslide."

There's something clever about these last two lines that I really like. I think the rhythm/flow is lacking a bit, but the idea in and of itself is really nice.


"Nature pulls in around me,
and I suffocate on
unbreathed air."

I have mixed feelings about this. I like the idea of nature "pulling in," but I still feel as though you're wandering off with this piece a bit.

"I pull out of the rocks,
hoping to grab a sun that
isn’t there."

I like this.


"I grab,
reach,
skim
the sky.


And
f
a
l
l."

I like the way you layer this with grab/reach/skim, but I'm not sure that I like the fall (perhaps because I've been repairing children's library books lately, and I kind of relate this stylistic choice to the plethora of children's poems I've read as a result. Either way, it feels a bit gimmicky).


"Tumbling back to planet Earth,
I am ground to pieces."

Not sure the imagery works great here. I might use "hurtling" rather than "tumbling."

On a more important note, when did we leave Earth? Remember that, even with poetry, there has to be a certain note of consistency.


"Chunks are torn out of me,
ripped away,
loose skin still flailing."

Omit the "still," since it's a new action. And I might choose a prettier word than "chunks" merely for the sake of artistry.


"My soul is scarred,
burned, missing, gone.
A black charcoal."

I kind of like the idea, but asdkfjhasef, just stay away from souls at all cost when writing a poem! It's one of those things that is so worn out that it lacks real meaning anymore. Say "I am scarred," perhaps?


"Whilst I argue to get it back,
to get me back,
I only walk further into the woods.
But declare the cup half-full."

Good last line! It's stubborn and bitter and wonderful.

But.

I still feel as though this poem went off on a tangent. I would have liked to see you really stick to an idea and then elaborate from there, because it doesn't quite feel cohesive. One minute you're speaking of spitting out your optimism and the next you're in the woods and suddenly you're hurtling towards Earth and then you're in the woods again and I'm still back wondering how we got into space when we were in a forest and so on. Basically - stick to a concept. You have some very good ideas exposed in the skeleton of this (primarily in your little one-line quips) that are rattling through it trying to stand out amongst the chaos. Really hone in on what you want to say and HOW you want to say it, write and rewrite, and this could be great (and, quite frankly, it's pretty dang good as it is).

This was actually a really strong poem with a lot of underlying potential. Holistically, this poem is in its infant stages - it has a general sense of what it wants to be but it doesn't know how to be that yet, so it just toddles about and does its very very best to impersonate. But it's GOING to be that big grown-up poem if you figure it out. Just give it some structure and let it grow from there.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

Hey there! aouther2b here with my review of this intresting piece.

What I liked:

1. The language. Your use of figurative language is strong and very present. helping add to the overall aspect of the poem.

2. The imagery. While it isn't prominate the images you placed in my mind are vivid and alive. Great job on that.

3. The formating. Especialy with the f.a.l.l. part. It really helped. and your divisions of lines and stazas were done well with very natural breaks.

What I didn't like:

The flow. In all actuality it has a strong and smooth flow, except in the start. The start is the most important part of the poem and if it isn't strong you may loose readers.

2. The repeatition. I am not talking about the line "But declare the cup half full" because that is a great line and what I meant when talking about how much I loved the language you used. No, what I am referring to is the first two stanzas where you repeat out. I know that is being nitpicky but it bothered me that your start wasn't as strong as your end. Perheaps take another look and decide what words are really important.

Overall:
This is a great and very freash piece. Work on having as strong of an opener as your closer and you will have a masterpiece. Great Job and Keep Writing!

Hi there! So to start off, I want to say that I really liked this! The beginning especially hooked me in. You used such lovely figurative language here. The way this is expressed is none less than superb. My favorite part of this as the repetition of the whole "But declare the cup half-full". That really added to the whole piece, hence it was my favorite line. I don't really have any criticism for you, to be honest. Just keep up the good work!