Boxed In.

Hello. Jordin here with a review for you and my team so called the hot sauce team.

Hope this helps you out.

Your mouth is open,
Your heart is screaming.

Pleading and begging are insufficient,
knees are bending to Their will.

Wow. This poem was well very clasterphobic... But that not bad considering your topic. It flowed well and it wa very enjoyable( which is why we read right?) To read. The only thing I would do is change the format to stanzas to really mark it out as a poem.





~MindBlown

Hi there, ScandalousPhoenix ^-^ Happy Review Day!
Firstly, I can see the feeling you intended to put into this, and the word usage, but I felt a bit of it was out of place. For instance:

"They squeeze in through "elfin" cracks,
Pestering to be released."

"Elfin" cracks? What does that mean, exactly? Elfin suggests pixie-like or, hence, "elf-like", but also it's a reference to something being petite and/or delicate (small). Given the context you used it in, "elfin" doesn't quite seem appropriate. I would suggest using a different word for that particular line, it seems a bit forced.
Overall I can see the time and effort placed into this piece. You have a very descriptive writing style, and with a bit of polishing, you could turn this into something beautiful. But I found the use of certain words to be a bit forced and in doing so, it didn't flow as well as it could have. A bit inconsistent, but other than that I can see the work put into it. It's a very nice piece, but certain parts of it didn't feel right to be. I'd suggest smoothing it out a bit, and maybe rewording some parts.
Anyhoo ^-^ Overall this is a really nice piece. Polish it up a bit and it'll do amazing c:
Good luck and keep writing ^-^

~Catnip~

Hello! First I just want to say that you have some really cool words in here. "Filched" and "elfin" are my favorite. :3

The problem, I think, is your delivery, or the way you break up your lines. I know you may be going for a couplet kind of thing, but to me it seems rather boring and mundane. I'm a big fan of enjambment and expressive line breaks, so I really think this could benefit by making everything into one or two stanzas and having line breaks on the most important parts, like "inhumanity," "nothingness," "elfin," etc. That way, instead of capitlizaing things like "Nothingness," you can just give then their own line or end a line with them. ^^

There's also a problem with some of your imagery and word choice, I think. Some of it is fresh and exciting but some of it seems cliche, like the first two lines. I've heard "open mouth" and "screaming (insert something here)" so many times that it has now lost its impact.

I noticed that have "Their will" multiples times. Hmm, whose will? It never really is clear from the poem. Maybe you could continue just vaguely ksipping around whose will it is until the end of the poem and then have some twist or at least make it clearer whose will it is.

This has potential, and if you decied to use any of my suggestions or change the poem again, tell me because I would love to see it.