The eagle soars in the sky,
free as can be.
As she dips in the heavens,
she creates a sensation of
happiness.
The wind comes to play,
the ruffling of feathers in sync.
The world is dawned by her beauty;
a rainbow of awe.
But smugglers appear,
cackling into the midst of fears.
The eagle is in the Heavens;
the strongest bird of all.
The symbolism of strength.
Why should she fear?
Her dreams are able;
her dreams are valid.
Swooping down to land in a tree,
the smugglers appear.
Their face are masked,
their eyes are lit up in glee.
As their hatred act flirts with Satan,
they rub their hands in anticipation.
Jumping,
they attack.
The nets are cast,
their victim captured.
Sinking within the hours of life.
Flying turned to walking,
desperately in denial.
Her cries pierce into
the perfect day.
A fracture through the soul,
making your heart
cry out.
As the eagle
fights in fear,
the dawn turns to night.
The road to light has closed;
the way to dark has opened.
“As the dawn comes down today,
nothing gold can stay.”
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139,639 Literary Works • 672,637 Reviews
Hey Scandalous!
Beautiful poem you have here! The bold was sort of bothersome at first, but I'm assuming it's probably some kind of formatting error, right? So, no big deal.
I love the elegance in which you crafted this poem, which is fitting, because the eagle is such a majestic animal, and even though there's not much description of the eagle itself -- the tone and the way you've described the eagle's flight and its struggle to survive the daylight really captures the essence of the eagle itself. That's great writing there. Even the spaces between the lines sort of give it that lofty air that really enhances the reading experience in this poem. There's great tension from the beginning and through to the last line and your shorter lines really help with quickening that pace.
I love the reference to the nothing gold can stay and how you managed to take that age-old quote and even bring a new angle to it, so it's a great concept. I'm loving it, simple and all, so not much more to add to it. I would try to tighten up the lines a little bit more and make sure that each word contributes to the piece -- and then take out your knife and really make sure to slice apart anything and everything that doesn't add anything. So for example,
The above is just repetition, you've already established that the eagle is the strongest bird, so no need to repeat it again.
Other than that, nothing more to add. Great job!
~ as always, Audy
Heya Scandalous,
I'm sorry to be honest, I don't know much about America. Any symbolism in there is likey to remain hidden from me, except for the eagle. I did think this was a beautiful poem, and it did America justice.
I really like the quotation at the end of the poem. It summarised it all very well, and I do like that poem as well myself. I also love how you used spacing to your advantage as well. It gave the poem a nice steady flow and rhythm,
The opeing lines (as Guineapiggirl has already commented on) were a beautiful start to the poem and I loved it. I really liked the story you had in here as well. Good job ^^
Deanie x
Hey! Here to review (finally!) as requested.
This is the best poem of yours that I've read. It's really good. You've got some truly lovely lines. I am extremely impressed.
Bravo.
Now on to specifics:
"The eagle soars in the sky,
free as can be.
As she dips in the heavens,
she creates a sensation of
happiness."
This opening. This opening. Beautiful. It really drew me in. A good opening is important, and you got it. It flows all nicely. I'm not sure who she's creating a sensation of happiness in- the people of America? anyway, it's cool.
"The eagle is in the Heavens;
the strongest bird of all.
The mere symbolism of strength.
Why should she fear?"
Great verse.
"As their hatred act flirts with Satan,
they rub their hands in anticipation."
Not quite such a good couplet. The lines are too long and the rhyme feels forced.
Other than that bit though, i love the whole bit with the smugglers.
"fights in reverend,"
reverend? The eagles are fighting inside a vicar? *confused*. I think you mean some other word?
I like all of the meaning in this poem, and all the symbolism and the way it relates to what's going on in America (I think).
Well done!