Next Time.

You lost your theme, bro.

I do that sometimes too, even as a well-established poet.

Alright so, the shape is a cliche, but who cares, right? I'm just going to focus on the meat of the piece.

The title is legit just a fragment of your work slapped on top. If it was relative, it would be the bombdotcom, but it seems pretty irrelevant. Perhaps it was amongst your intentions to construct an atmosphere of whimsicalness, in which case, I have fallen write into your well-intended-writer trap. So feel proud.

Otherwise, onwards with my reviewing.

By the way, please don't be offended. I'm naturally mean and cruel and evil and awful. So take what I say lightly.

From what I got, it was your intention to convey polarity in this piece-- contrasting two opposite ideas to portray a linguistic sensation of ambivalence. If that was your intention, then it needs work.

If you were writing for whimsicality, then good job, because it gives off a very whimsical feeling.

Bah. I'm not going to quote things. It takes too long.

Overall, I actually really liked the piece. It was good to read, and relatable. Because I related it to stream of consciousness. If you didn't want me to, then you should consider reconstructing the piece with more accurate diction to convey your actual intentions.

Good job, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Keep writing

xoxo

Kitty

Hey there! So this really isn't my cup of tea when it comes to style, but even so, this feels a bit too bare. You can get away with writing poetry that's rather vague and blunt and emotive, but this is almost *too* vague, or perhaps too sporadic. It fails to truly tell a story.

This poem is largely held up by a use of connotative/emotive words, something that can be achieved by flipping through a thesaurus for five minutes or so. It doesn't feel like an idea yet, so much as it feels like the idea of an idea - a fetus waiting to become something with substance and depth and purpose. You've got a constellation of dots, now just connect them.

I understand what you're going for, but I just feel as though it's lacking. Keep adding to the basis of your ideas so that you can write something that truly stands on its own two feet. Put your own spin on things. Don't just toss words together, find a way to make them mesh and breathe.

This was a rather harsh review, and in all honesty there's no need; this is by no means an awful poem, but I would love to see an increased depth in your concept and expression of it.

If you have any questions, feel free to message me!

Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

Hi there!

Your poem expresses great ideas. I like the mystery it revolves around.

It could have been worked with more, but for the small word usage, it's good!

Good luck with your writing!!

- Bianca

I don't know it was just idk what its exactly about??