Young Writers Society

Hi RippleGylf!

I really love the ideas behind this poem, about feeling useless because there's so much light already, but that the lantern is needed on dark and stormy nights. <3 It's so beautiful! I especially like the fact that you could tell without reading the title what is is all about.

Alright, so the reviewer below me mentioned that "its" needed to be capitalized, and I totally understand how in poetry, capitalization is up to the author based on your style. However, at the beginning of new stanzas and after a period, you have lowercase sometimes and capitals at other times. Whichever way you want it, I would suggest making it more uniform.

Nondescript,
it leaned against
the only wall
not made out of
glass.

I think the flow might be a little better if you take out "out"? It sounds better in my mind. Or else maybe you could put "out of" on the same line as "glass"? I think that could sound good too.

The room was
odd like that,
overlooking
a backyard forest
on every side.

I like the idea of a "backyard forest", but it sounds weird when you say that it's on every side. I can't think of a different way to phrase it, though.

it sat without
purpose,
save for
a stormy night
in want of
candles,

Alright, even though I love the message this gives, it doesn't quite work out. Any night would be dark, as you point out when you say that it's bright while the sun is up. So a stormy night wouldn't make much difference. It's just like saying someone randomly came into the sun room at night, no matter the weather, and had to light the lantern. And I think that takes a bit of the meaning out of it. Maybe you could say it was a stormy day? I'm not exactly sure what to do about that either.

Anyway, overall, I really liked this! Your imagery was really good, and I liked the way it flowed and focused in on light.

-Falco

Hey there! thecolorofthesky here for a short review! Let's jump in!
Line I: This is short and simple, but I feel as if there is a stronger word than "old".
Stanza II:

its aged metal
now looked like
the vines
it was fashioned
to resemble.

First, the 'its' needs to be capitalized. Second, I can see so much potential in this stanza. Describe the oxidized green on the metal. Provide more details on the vines. Make this, as you say, "nondescript" lantern, a work of art. Show the hidden beauty that has been covered in dust and forgotten. It needs something special about it to juxtapose the uselessness of it. This, of course, is just a suggestion. The end of the poem leaves me wanting more. Some sort of footnote. Run with that.
I just wanted to comment on those few things. I like the poem!
Write on!