Young Writers Society

Hey RippleGylf!

I really like this poem. The flow, imagery, and style is absolutely beautiful. I think, perhaps, you could alter the last line. "Novel ideas" doesn't work for me much because a library has more than just novels and novels is something I see as a more technical term. I think replace that with Fiction (fictitious) but Non-fiction is also stories. Give that some thought and change it if you want. Also in the first stanza, second line "young eyes" i'd prefer something like learning eyes or something personification. Not only young people are learning, everyone is learning. If you are a reader you are constantly learning. Also using personification I think adds a more unique, unusual feeling and meaning to the poem. I love love love love the second stanza! It's so beautiful and the imagery is incredible! "Lives much more comforting" personally with this line I'd prefer changing comforting to riveting or something because stories are adventures and they are thrilling. Personally when I read I'm looking for another word where I can fight, fall in love, lead, etc. Things I can't do, but perhaps your narrator doesn't have a comforting life in her real world. "Joyfully" maybe use www.thesaurus.com to find a more colorful word, though this one is fine.

Hope I helped!
marmalade

I like the flow of this. It reminds me of Japanese poetic styles somehow. There is also a very nice mix of happiness and melancholy as well, rather than just focus on one emotion the whole time. The concrete images are also great, since they make the library seem like some sort of open landscape with ports and towers and mountains (which also seems pretty fitting for the fact that it stylistically reminds me of Japanese poetry whether or not that's what you intended) and you go on a journey within it.

Hey there, RippleGylf!

This poem resonated very deeply with me, and your descriptions are so very accurate; you convey truths with quite an astonishing grace. I don't have much to say, as it is already very lovely, but I'll see if I can offer something that may in some way help!

First, a note on stylistic choice: I love the absence of capitalisation. For me, it really metaphorised the quiet of the library, these hushed letters and unobtrusive, peaceful meandering between each sentence. Going on from that, in the same vein of thought, I want to draw attention to the way you've separated the stanzas. From what I can see, each stanza comprises of a single sentence, right? It really works here (especially as I imagine it must be intentional), but there are a few points at which I feel like the poem would benefit from a little more inconsistency, for want of a better word.

the dilemma is
deciding which
ones.

books ought not
be judged by
covers,
but how else
does one judge a book?

another week,
another tower,
until her mind
is a mountain
of novel ideas.

I can relate to this on so many levels, It's not even funny. I just love it. I love the phrasing and the rhythm, and the way it's not too long or too short. It's just right. It's also unpredictable , so it's fun to read. instead of seeming forced, it captured the thoughts as a whole and gives them to you one by one. There are a couple of things I would correct though.

In the first passage you say ' haven of literary splendor. I feel as though one could have chosen a better word than haven to make the same feeling come across.

(Pauses critiquing to give another compliment.) YES IT IS A DILEMMA . THE DILEMMA IS REAL. I LOVE THIS.

Also , when you say ' a tower of books belonging to pleasing covers' it comes across a bit strange. 'Belonging too is just a weird way of phrasing it. I would have just said 'with pleasing covers. Or, even better, 'intriguing'. Because that is more accurate to describe what you feel when you get a new book. Not pleasure, because that comes after, but intrigue.

Finally , I think the last line could have been just a bit more eloquent. Though it speaks the truth, the phrase is very direct. It doesn't fit with the dreamy, nostalgic tone throughout the poem. It ruins the flow of the poem.

Other than those few things , though, I really feel that this work was beautiful. And extremely relatable.

Keep Writing!

~Lucy