it always happened on
a lazy afternoon,
otherwise spent in front of
the television.
from that
blue couch,
the sound of
brass blaring
at the other end of
the street
was unignorable.
the occasion
was obvious.
feet leaped
into action,
sprinting towards
the sound.
wide eyes
gazed upon
the endless line
of marchers and cars.
for a moment,
the majesty
was appreciated.
however,
it transformed into
a frenetic scamble
to pick up
the most candy,
necklaces,
and whatever
else had been
thrown.
the reason behind
the projectiles
didn't matter.
the joy of
celebration
was enough.
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140,733 Literary Works • 673,682 Reviews
um, eh, hum, eehh, okay I think tis was interesting, sorry I just don't really no what this was about, but I did like it, even though I did not really understand and this could be just me being stupid, but I did enjoy reading it and I will try my best to review this poem.
Well I don't really see anything wrong with this poem, I just think its interesting and I have read another one of your works and I liked that vary much also I just don't really think that this one makes scents like your other one did but non the less great work and sorry if I made you feel sad by not understanding but I just kind of, don't really, no.
Well pleas tell me because I would love to no and I would love to also let you no that I did not mean to make you feel bad, just have a nice day and I will try to do better in future reviews
Ace101 out!
I'm not sure how much I can say about this poem. I liked the nostalgic feel, I liked the descriptions, and there were no real grammatical problems. The word "unignorable" kind of broke the flow, but that's not a huge deal.
Four out of five stars.
Keep writing!
Hey, it's crobbins here for another review!
So I actually REALLY love this piece! It reminded me of my childhood very much- I lived near a main street in my childhood home, where Halloween and Veteran Day parades were held annually. So I relate to your description of hearing the sounds and seeing the joy on the faces of the participants.
I think that your formatting made the poem easy to read and follow along with. The divided sentences contributed to this. I like that no capitalization was used! It contributes to the child-like feel that I got from this poem (not that this is written child-like, but I relate MY childhood experiences to this).
I would have liked to see a bit more detail in this, though. Yes, the detail about the candy necklaces and the wide eyes was good, but I think if more were included, it would be more immersive for someone who doesn't relate to this as much. The more the merrier!
So overall very good! I'd love to read more of your writing!
-crobbins
Thank you so much for reviewing my poem.
I really appreciate it.
HEELLO Ripple Gylf,
A poem about the grand parade. I've actually never been to a parade before. I've seen it broadcasted on television- so many people- but I've never actually been to one.
"wide eyes gazed upon the endless line of marchers and cars". I could seriously imagine me doing that. I've never seen a parade in person, but I can see myself watching in amazement as all those cars and balloons march by.
"the reason behind the projectiles didn't matter." This line surprised me. For some reason, I didn't expect to see it. Somehow, this puts a little something else into this poem, something deeper. It doesn't matter what the people in the parade are throwing to the audience. It's just the thrill of it, of catching and fighting for a live souvenir, that matters. I absolutely love this line.
The topic of this poem is unique. Most people write about love, life, despair, their emotions. This poem is about a parade. Really, it puts a new idea into the reader's head, something fresh and exciting.
I now know the parade,
Night Kaizer
Thank you for the review! I'm glad the feeling of being at the parade got through.