z

Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

Gardens of Eden: Chapter 2: Part 4

by RavenBlack


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

When they got home, Damon ordered Chinese food which was paid for with money from the ‘secret stash’ because Damon was penniless and useless when it came to food. Damon had informed her that his friend would come over later, so after dinner, Ivy withdrew to her room and lay down and watched videos she took of her and Rose.

One of her favourites was the one where they were playing Soul Calibur V, a fighting game, and she got a ‘perfect’ (when a player defeats the other with getting any damage to their health bar). Her shocked expression was probably better than the high she got after beating her – for the fifth time.

But even though the memory brought a smile, it also reminded her how alone she felt. Even with Damon here, she didn’t know him, a stranger had offered her vengeance and now he’s living in her home. She missed her Father. She missed her Mother. She missed Adam. But most of all, she missed Rose.

On que, tears fell like rain on her pillow, streaming down her cheeks. Damon could hear her balling from the living room and rolled his eyes in annoyance. How did she still have tears left to cry after the weekend? The sound of her crying was like the sound of angels singing - deafening. He decided to go into her room and put a stop to her emotional breakdown.

When he entered her room he was amazed to see some of the things in it that belonged to her. WWE and gaming posters decorated the walls. A shelf of books sat in the corner, stacked with a range of novels, primarily fantasy and an open Throne of Glass book sat on the top. Next to the bookshelf was a desk with a Google Chrome laptop, now that he was unpleasantly surprised by. She lay in her twin sized bed which was covered with a Metroid quilt that matched her dark blue walls.

  “Ivy,” he cooed. “Ivy, what’s wrong? Are you crying again? What did I say about crying this week?”

  “Go away!” Ivy yelled, her words muffled into her pillow.

Damon sat on her bed and held his arms open awkwardly. “Apparently this helps you humans feel better.”

Ivy raised her head to see a smiling Damon offering her a hug. “I don’t want your hug, it smells of fakeness.”

  “It smells of true love with a dash of annoyance and a sprinkle of reluctance,” Damon said sarcastically. “Take it or leave it.”

Ivy sat up on her bed and wiped her eyes. “I’ll pass.”

  “Thank goodness,” Damon said with relief. “I thought I’d have to hug a human.”

  “No but you’ll have to do something else for me,” Ivy said with a cunning smile.

  “Anything but making tea or hugs.”

Immediately, Ivy got out her laptop and typed in ‘YouTube’. Damon watched curiously but was also nervous at the thought of what he was being asked to do. She typed in the search box: ‘B.A.P Young, Wild and Free’, clicked the music video and turned to look at Damon.

  “Watch this and tell me what you think?”

  “You want me to watch a music video?” Damon said flabbergasted at her request.

  “Not just any music video, a K-pop music video.”

She clicked play and Damon watched with an apathetic expression as hot (In Ivy’s opinion anyway) Korean men danced and sang to the upbeat song. For one he couldn’t understand what they were saying but that didn’t stop Ivy dancing and singing along. Then after what felt like 2 minutes of hell, the doorbell rang.

  “Saved by the bell,” Damon jeered as he made his way to the door.

  “Next time I’ll strap you to a chair and force you to watch,” Ivy threatened playfully.

Damon held his cheeks in mocking horror. “I’m so scared!”

  “You’ll see I’ll make you a K-pop fan by the end of the year.”

Ivy stood in the living room apprehensively to see who was at the door. Damon didn’t seem to know either; he waited cautiously, examining the energy beyond it. But when he felt its familiarity, he immediately opened it, revealing the visitor to be Belial who was holding a brown furred Pomeranian dog in her arms.

  “Scruff!” Ivy exclaimed and Scruff leaped out of Belial’s hands and ran towards her. “I thought I lost you,” Scruff barked excitedly as she licked her face. “I’ve missed you too,” she laughed.

As Ivy became reacquainted with her lost beloved pet, Damon let Belial inside. She inserted her wings inside her back, gritting her teeth in pain as blood seamed down her back. Ivy watched with a pitiful gaze.

  “It didn’t hurt this bad before.” she coughed.

  “You’ll get used to it,” Damon comforted.

  “Is this your friend?” Ivy asked nervously. Belial lifted her head and laid her cold eyes on Ivy. “Thank you for finding Scruff,” she turned to Damon, relieved. “I thought she died in the crash.”

Belial spat blood. “I did nothing, she was waiting outside.”

  “Oh,” Ivy said awkwardly.

  “Anyway, let’s talk business. Do you have what I asked for?” Damon asked Belial.

Belial held out her pale hands and conjured three scrolls, Ivy watched astonished as smoke whiffed into her hands and as it evaporated revealed the rolled pure white papers.

  “What’s that?” Ivy asked as Belial gave the scrolls to Damon, she tip-toed and stretched her neck to try and get a look but he held them in the air and smiled amused as she jumped up and down to try and reach it.

When she finally gave up and crashed on the couch he explained. “These are the ‘Scrolls of Knowledge’; they hold information of every human’s weakness and strengths, desires and losses.” Damon explained.

  “Where’s mine?” Damon and Belial exchanged anxious stares. “Give it to me.”

Damon smirked. “This will be interesting.”

He conjured the scroll and gave it to Ivy. She unrolled it and read the first heading:

‘Weaknesses: Suppressed darkness, potential for evil and greed for power, afraid to be alone’

Ivy shook her head, perplexed. “What is this? This sounds nothing like me!”

  “The scrolls don’t lie, love.”

  “Well it’s lying now!” she cried, horrified. “Take it back!”

Belial snatched the scroll from her and made it disappear in black smoke. “Humans.” Ivy curled her lip in loathsome at her remark.

  “Where’s the fourth scroll I asked for?” Damon asked.

  “Someone’s in a hurry,” Belial teased as she gave him the final scroll.

  “Where are you going?” Ivy asked concerned.

Damon heard her loud and clear but he knew answering her question would make her angry and he wasn’t in the mood to pamper a child to sleep. “Belial if you wouldn’t mind, I need you to babysit.”

  “I’m not babysitting her!” Belial protested.

  “I thought you said you always-”

  “That was a long time ago, I’m different now,” she half-heartedly declared.

Damon nodded his head doubtfully. “Yeah, sure you are.” He walked over to Ivy and shook her hair, turning her into somewhat of a ragdoll. “Guess you’re on your own, love.”

  “What?” Ivy yelled distraught. “No! Please don’t leave me!”

  “I’ll be back, darling, just don’t do anything rational while I’m gone, okay,” he promised before he and Belial disappeared in black smoke, leaving Ivy and Scruff alone.

  “Damon! Damon!” she howled. “Don’t leave me.”

She sunk to the floor and buried her head in her hands. Scruff nudged her leg affectionately and she picked her up into her arms, holding her tightly. “I’m scared, Scruff. She’s coming.”

Danger and pleasure lurked on the streets of London, reeling in those who were lost and those that were seeking. But Damon wasn’t afraid. He revelled in it. Alleycats and crows watched him prance through the street, curious to what was beckoning all this excitement. Finally their question was answered, he arrived at an abandoned square, but that was just a front. Behind the door of a neglected warehouse was the gateway to pleasure and sin.

Impatient at the thought he knocked the door; an eye looked through the keyhole, wary to see who the visitor was.

  “Oh, it’s you,” the voice said.

The sound of various locks being unlocked followed before finally the door groaned open. The security guard greeted him with a friendly smile.

  “Madam X has been expecting you.”

  “Madam X? Really? Could any name be any more cliché,” Damon mocked and the security guard’s smile turned stern. “She’s been expecting me did you say?”

He was lead through the dull grey halls that were lined with a platoon of bodyguards in black suits. When they reached the end, they turned a corner and descended a spiral staircase. Down, down, they went, till they reached sins’ enchanting abyss.

Neon lights flashed like a police siren as dancer twirled on luminous poles, their naked beauty teased in skimpy outfits; aroused customers gawked at them, fantasizing what a wild night with them would feel like. Men were enticed by provocative women to drink and forget the day’s worries. Women kissed and touched the other; Damon bit his lips at the tempting sight.

On the balcony, an older woman watched over her red empire. Her blonde hair was styled into a wavy bob and she wore a black bardot mermaid dress, which kept an elegance to her even though she was running a brothel.

When he got to the balcony, she held out her hand and he planted a soft kiss on it. “Madam X.”

  “Welcome to Sinner’s Delight, Damon – I’ve heard so much about you,” she greeted, her voice as graceful and sexy as her outfit.

  “And I you, though you’re more beautiful than they described.”

Madam X smiled, flattered. “You have a natural charm, Damon, no wonder the other women in the brothels fell for you.”

  “That wasn’t the only reason,” he winked.

  “We could use someone like you,” she said as she stroked her finger down his chest and looked at him with sultry eyes. “We could make so much money you and me.”

Damon stopped her trail when she reached the zip of his pants. “As much as that idea entices me, I’m busy at the moment.”

  “I see. Then perhaps we should stick to our usual arrangement – for now.”

  “Agreed.”

  “Excellent, then follow me.”

Damon followed her to the private chambers. Erotic portraits hung on the red walls and the floral scent of jasmine filled the air. A group of beautiful men and women lined up against the wall, enticing him with their sensual stares and revealing clothes. But one stood out among the rest and ironically they were fully clothed.

She wore a red laced, mesh dress that left all to his imagination; he could see her bare luscious breast behind the veiled curtains of her dress and he yearned to touch them. While the others approached him and tried to catch his eye, she stayed. Her red eyes locked with his, an invitation to something more.

Madam X shooed the others away with a wave of her hand and they exited immediately, and as the doors shut behind them, they stared at each other for a while, each admiring the other.

Damon walked towards her. “What’s your name?”

  “It can be whatever you want it to be,” she proposed, her voice was soft like velvet.

He caressed her soft cream cheek with his thumb and she crumbled under his touch. “A typical response but you see, I’m not here for a typical night,” he ran his fingers down her neck and then over her breast, ever so slowly, igniting a fire of passion she’d never felt before. “Tell me your name.”

Her lips parted, reluctantly. “Red, Lady Red.” Usually she was in control but for the first time in her life she had succumbed to submission.

  “And Red has anyone ever touched you like this?” his fingers went lower, towards her inner thigh. Even though her skin was covered she still felt an increasing desire from his touch. Then he planted soft kisses on her neck and she moaned with pleasure. “Kissed you like this.” He shut her cries with his lips, savouring the sweet taste of strawberry from her red lips. “Tell me what you want? Hold nothing back. I want every detail.”

This was new to Red; the request caught her off-guard. She’d had fantasies but never the chance to make them a reality, her priority was always the customer’s needs. Just who was this guy? How could he control her body like this? Beckon her desires at a mere whim?

She whispered in his ear dirty words and he grinned as she spoke them in a sensual voice. When she finished, she gave him a wry smile, challenging him. Damon immediately spun her around and pinned her to the wall, he bit gently at her ear lobe as he unzipped her dress. As it pooled at her feet her, he ran his hands over her soft skin and worshipped her body with kisses. She’d never been aroused like this in her life and Damon was adamant to make it a night that she’d remember. 


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289 Reviews


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Sun May 28, 2017 5:14 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!

I'll start with nitpicks I see as I'm reading:

'Damon had informed her that his friend would come over later,' - you should specify Ivy first before then referring to her as 'her'. But, then again, this is part of a chapter, not the start of one so it might read fine all together.

'She missed her Father. She missed her Mother.' - mother and father don't need to be capitalised.

'On que' - on cue.

'“I don’t want your hug, it smells of fakeness.” - I think 'it reeks of fakeness' works better, but it's your choice.

'blood seamed down her back.' - blood seeped down her back?

'...finding Scruff,” she turned to Damon, relieved.' - There should be a full stop after the dialogue and a capital letter at the start of the action because its the end of a sentence.

'...smoke whiffed into her hands' - 'whiffed' sounds a bit weird. 'Whirled', maybe?

'Belial held out her pale hands and conjured three scrolls, Ivy watched astonished as smoke whiffed into her hands and as it evaporated revealed the rolled pure white papers.' - The first sentence isn't needed. The second sentence just repeats it. Just change 'her hands' to 'Belial's hands' and it works on its own.

'just don’t do anything rational while I’m gone' - is it supposed to be 'irrational' or is there an inside joke I'm not familiar with?

"That wasn’t the only reason,” he winked.' - full stop, capital letter.

"... ever touched you like this?” his fingers went lower,' - capital letter for 'His'

Right, annnnd finished!

I can't comment on the story itself because this is all that I've read. But I think some physical descriptions are missing. I understand that Ivy and Damon have most likely been described previously but Belial could be described as it is the first time Ivy is meeting her.

You do switch POV's very often, which can work fine but just make sure you don't jumble up more than one view point in a paragraph. New viewpoint, new paragraph. Otherwise it gets confusing for the reader.

Also, I don't know if Damon is using supernatural powers on Lady Red to make himself irresistible or he's just really sexy haha, but it needs to be more clear either way. If it's just because he is super hot, she caved waaaay to easy for someone in the sex industry but if there were other things at play, it would make sense.

Hope this helped!




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Wed May 17, 2017 6:53 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Ivy raised her head to see a smiling Damon offering her a hug. “I don’t want your hug, it smells of fakeness.”

“It smells of true love with a dash of annoyance and a sprinkle of reluctance,” Damon said sarcastically. “Take it or leave it.”

Ivy sat up on her bed and wiped her eyes. “I’ll pass.”

“Thank goodness,” Damon said with relief. “I thought I’d have to hug a human.”

“No but you’ll have to do something else for me,” Ivy said with a cunning smile.

“Anything but making tea or hugs.”


Damon <3 Although to be honest I'm kind of hoping his hookup at the end actually turns out to have something to do with the plot rather than being a random hookup at a brothel, although if Damon was going to do ANYTHING human I guess giving into "the lusts of the flesh" or whatever is the thing you'd expect.

And at least he cares about the woman's enjoyment.

ANYWAY.

You switched viewpoints a lot in this chapter. Just now I can't remember if that's something you typically do in this story - I feel like you do switch between Damon and Ivy sometimes, but as far as I can remember you usually stick to one of them per scene. Like the time I recall Damon's viewpoint was when we first met Belial.

So it was a little jarring to suddenly go through three different viewpoints in this chapter, especially since Red isn't even one of our main characters.

Ivy withdrew to her room and lay down and watched videos she took of her and Rose.

One of her favourites was the one where they were playing Soul Calibur V, a fighting game, and she got a ‘perfect’ (when a player defeats the other with getting any damage to their health bar).


Damon could hear her balling from the living room and rolled his eyes in annoyance. How did she still have tears left to cry after the weekend?


Usually she was in control but for the first time in her life she had succumbed to submission.


You haven't had a problem with this previously that I recall, so I wanted to mention it here. You might consider Ivy for the first scene, then Damon for the second (when he leaves) and break it up with a scene break between the time they leave Ivy and the time he arrives at the brothel.

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RavenBlack says...


Thanks so much for the review! I hadn't noticed that I started changing viewpoints, thanks for pointing that out :-D




Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
— Niels Bohr