This is my first time at a screenplay. Honest critism please.
FADE IN
HANDSWORTH PARK – NIGHT
Relentless rain slams harshly against the
ground and against those unfortunate to be walking home. The park is
deserted but IVY is sitting curled up under an apple tree. This tree
stands out amongst the others as it bares red apples whereas the
others bare green.
IVY, 10 year old girl, long brown hair, wearing white
knee high dress which is wet and creased. She's crying into her
arms.
IVY (V.O)
This was me a year from now. My parents had died from
a car crash and I was
left on the run after an assassination attempt. I had
lost everything, my
home, my parents and I thought I'd lose my life -
that was until a miracle happened.
A YOUNG MAN walks towards IVY, he crouches down and
whispers into her ear. As she listens her expression turns from
melancholy to malicious. His words were like sweet poison and she smiled as he
spoke them.
IVY (V.O)
And my life
changed.
The YOUNG MAN hands out his hand and IVY takes
it.
CUT TO:
In the center of New York a building as
large as the sky and colorful as Mother Nature, opens
its doors to the business men and women who worked there. GARDENS OF EDEN
was a large firm that specialized in almost every
market, it was the iron throne and now that its king and queen had been killed,
a new king would take their place.
INT. GARDENS OF EDEN – BOARDROOM – DAY
Members of the board take their seats at the glass table;
they all are wearing black stylish, formal clothing. They
pick up the glasses filled with champagne in front of them as
the man at the head of the table stands up to make a toast.
SEBASTIAN, 40, groomed facial hair and slicked back
blonde hair, CEO of GARDENS OF EDEN.
SEBASTIAN
(proudly)
Finally, the Gardens of Eden is ours! Drink up and
bask in the
luxuries only kings and queens can enjoy, we've
deserved it!
The members of the board take a sip of the
champagne.
ANNA, 32, curly black hair styled into an afro, COO
of GARDENS OF EDEN.
ANNA
(teasingly)
It took long enough.
SEBASTIAN
(jokingly)
I thought we'd had to wait for them
die!
The BOARDROOM bursts into laughter.
JACK, 37, the piercing sun bounces of his bald head creating
a halo of light, member of the board of directors of GARDENS OF
EDEN.
JACK
(concerned)
What about the
girl?
SEBASTIAN
(scoffs)
What
about her?
JACK
(worried)
She's still alive!
SEBASTIAN
(sniggering)
You behave as if she's a threat.
A woman enters the BOARDROOM and whispers in
SEBASTIAN'S ear, his expression turns into confusion. A tall lean man appears
at the door and the woman exits the room, he's wearing a black suit and tie,
his fiery red eyes observes the room.
(curious)
You brought the shares?
DAMON
(offended)
Do I come across as a
man who wouldn't?
SEBASTIAN
(skeptically)
Well for starters I've never heard of your company,
one that you refused to
tell my co-worker and I know every company there is, plus
every name of
every businessman and woman yet your name doesn't
ring a bell.
DAMON
(evasively)
May
I take a seat?
DAMON reaches out for the chair in front of him but
SEBASTIAN pushes him back forcefully.
SEBASTIAN
(viciously)
Who
are you?
DAMON
(teasingly)
I can't tell you that,
it'll ruin the mystery.
DAMON moves past him and takes
a seat.
SEBASTIAN
(menacingly)
Give me one reason why I shouldn't call security?
DAMON
(calmly)
I can help you take care of your little problem,
IVY is her name,
right?
The BOARDROOM goes into an uproar, shouting
threats and demands.
SEBASTIAN
(baffled)
How-
DAMON
(facetiously)
Hold your tongues, I
can't hear your prices when your all screaming at me!
ANNA
(cynically)
How do we know that your not
lying to us?
DAMON
(amused, clapping)
Finally a new voice, I was
getting rather bored of this one's.
SEBASTIAN scowls at DAMON.
(ordering)
Turn on the TV.
SEBASTIAN looks at him speculatively.
(tauntingly)
Come on, what do you thinks going to happen? The TV's
going to blow up? Actually that's not a bad idea.
SEBASTIAN is about to press the alarm.
(hands up in surrender)
I'm joking,
I'm joking. Just turn it on.
SEBASTIAN turns on the TV and live footage of IVY
shaking hands with the new Vice President of NOIR, GARDEN OF EDENS rivals is
shown. The BOARDROOM is in complete shock.
JACK
(frantically)
I told you! I told you
she was a threat!
ANNA
(unshaken)
She knows the Vice President, so what?
DAMON
(provokingly)
That's because she's the CEO and has been for a year
but has only surfaced today. And I've heard rumors that with the
VP she plans to take back her parents company and expose those who
unjustly took it from them. I wonder which company that
is?
SEBASTIAN
(desperately)
Do it! Get rid of her!
DAMON
What do I get in return?
SEBASTIAN
Whatever you
want!
DAMON
(grinning)
As you wish.
The live footage shows IVY addressing the crowd
before she's shot down by an unknown source, the frantic crowd disperses and
her body lays lifelessly on the ground. The BOARDROOM is overcome with a shower
of peace.
SEBASTIAN
(hand against his chest)
I've never been
so scared in my life.
DAMON
(laughs)
She's
just a child.
SEBASTIAN
A child with power seeking vengeance.
Now as promised, what is it you want?
DAMON
Vengeance.
SEBASTIAN
A common interest. On who just out of curiosity?
DAMON
(smirking)
I'll let my master tell you.
The TV switches to a candlelit room and
a silhouette of someone staring directly at them. Their
features were not highlighted so figuring out their identity was impossible.
ANNA
(annoyed)
Great
another mystery, what do you take us for Sherlock Holmes?
DAMON
(mockingly)
I
was thinking more Chief Wiggum.
SEBASTIAN
(demandingly,
to MYSTERIOUS PERSON)
Who
are you?
MYSTERIOUS PERSON
I'm the CEO of NOIR.
The MYSTERIOUS PERSON leans forward into the light
revealing them to be IVY, 12. Her black hair is short and combed
back, she's wearing a black suit and tie. The BOARDROOM seems as
if they'd choke on disbelief which IVY would be ecstatic if
they did.
IVY
(bellowed)
And in response to SEBASTIAN's question, my vengeance
is on all those who betrayed my father and mother, killed them out of jealousy
and tried to kill me!
JACK
(frantically)
I told you! I told you!
ANNA
(annoyed)
We know,
damn it!
SEBASTIAN
(perplexed)
How?
IVY
A magician doesn't tell the audience the secret
behind their trick but I will tell you
this, one of you has lost a daughter.
ANNA ears her phone ringing and answers the
phone.
ANNA
(sobbing)
Don't tell me it’s her! My poor baby! Please
don't tell me it’s her!
ANNA'S
HUSBAND (V.O)
Anna – Anna – she's dead! The girl – the girl on
the news – that was her – our poor baby!
DAMON conjures a knife and throws it towards the
wall, when it hits the wall it disappears into it as if it was sinking sand and the
sound of ANNA's HUSBAND gagging is heard over the phone.
ANNA
(worried)
Richard? Richard!
DAMON
(with sinister smile)
Oh he's dead
darling.
UMA
(angrily)
You bastard!
UMA charges at DAMON but as his red eyes glow fire rises from
the ground latching itself around her like vines before engulfing her in flames and
into an incinerating crisp.
SEBASTIAN
(frightened)
Just
what are you?
DAMON
(menacingly)
Your worst nightmare.
As SEBASTIAN stared into his bloodlust, crimson
eyes he began to hallucinate and visualized a grotesque creature
approach him, no matter how many times he blinked or rubbed his eyes it
didn't disappear. He backed away until he was cornered to the wall
and as he cried for help the creature ripped him to shreds. Even though it was a hallucination the
members of the board could see his body being flung around and torn apart by
something they couldn't see which scared them even more. Unable to cope with
what he saw JACK jumped out the window though no one else was brave enough to
join him, so for the rest they were gifted with hell's fiery rain which caused
the whole building to melt.
IVY
It's
time.
SEBASTIAN clicks his fingers and IVY appears in the
BOARDROOM, she stands by the window and SEBASTIAN stands beside her.
(distressed)
Does it hurt?
SEBASTIAN doesn't respond and puts his hand over her
eyes before pierces his other hand through her chest, taking her heart and her
soul. She collapses to the floor as the building corrodes and becomes
a sea of molten gold.
Points: 1983
Reviews: 176
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