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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Gardens of Eden: Chapter 1: Part 1: Meeting the Demon

by RavenBlack


IVY

Deafening silence supplanted the atmosphere; the sound of torrential rain filled its empty void. Against the blackness of the night sky, smoke painted the heavens with its polluted smell of death, cackling at the bodies left in its fiery wake.

Ivy sat curled under a red apple tree in Hyde Park, her head buried into her arms as she cried uncontrollably. Her tears streamed down her brown, bruised cheeks and pooled in her lap, she wasn’t even sure if they were her tears or the rain.

Her grey and white flannel hugged her body like a mother holding its child; it was accompanied with black jeans and laced boots. Her drenched, short, curly black hair was combed back, dripping drops of water down her back.

A tower of cars was stacked in front of her, a momentum to what had just occurred. Her family had been victims of a car crash, her included but God had deemed her life unworthy to join them in heaven and gave her the curse of surviving.

Why me? She kept asking, demanding but no one but silence answered her.

  “Ivy,” a voice whispered.

At first, Ivy thought it was Rose, her twin sister, calling her name; the voice resembled that of honey, just like Rose’s. So she smiled but then she heard the voice call to her again but this time it was more masculine, mimicking that of her brother’s – no, this voice was too menacing to be Adam’s.

She slowly raised her head, cautious but intrigued to the prospect of who it might be. But to her bewilderment, she saw a blurred image of her father crouched before her. He camouflaged with the shrouding darkness that engulfed them as if he was part of it, as if he belonged to it.

  “Father?” Ivy asked, narrowing her eyes.

  “Do I really look that old?” the figure replied taken aback.

Ivy froze at the response, this wasn’t her father he’d never make such a witty remark. She rubbed her eyes, confident it was dizziness caused from the crash that was deluding her mind and she was right. Crouching in front of her was a young handsome man, smiling at her in amusement.

  “Get away from me!” Ivy screamed as she scurried to her feet and hid behind the apple tree, though she leaned out, her eyes fixated on the stranger.

The young man stood up and put his hands in his black, trench coat pockets. “If you really wanted me to go, you wouldn’t have hidden behind the tree now would you?” he said. “You would have run off like a scared kitten,” he wiggled his fingers in the air, mimicking a running cat. “You’re curious about me, aren’t you?”

Ivy scoffed at the comment but deep down she knew he was right. Without realising it, she’d been staring at his crimson eyes this entire time.

  “Who are you?” Ivy asked curiously.

  “I am the great demon, Damon!” the young man exclaimed, bowing with his arms wide open. Ivy raised her eyebrows skeptically. “And the real question you should be asking is what I can do for you.”

  “Halloween’s next month, try your getup on someone else I don’t have time for your theatrics.” She fumed before walking away, Damon huffed in annoyance.

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye Damon was in front of her, and he pinned her to the tree. Ivy felt her heart begin to pound against her chest, warning her to flee but she didn’t want to. But the question on her mind kept echoing in her head, how did get to her so quickly?

  “You shouldn’t joke about such things, naïve little girl, the world is more dangerous than your innocent eyes allow you to believe,” Damon warned. “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Ivy said, her voice trembled with fear. She refused to look him in the eye and kept her head down.

Damon lifted her chin, forcing her to make eye contact with him and she felt an unreasonable shower of peace come over her. Seeing his peculiar eyes up close eliminated the doubts she had of them not being real. Just what in the world was he?

  “This car crash was no accident.”

What! His words felt like someone had stabbed her, over and over again, enslaving her to an eternity of pain.

  “It was planned.”

Ivy opened her mouth but couldn’t utter a single word; she was paralyzed by shock but infuriated with anger. Damon could feel her blood boil on the finger that touched her chin that he winced in pain and removed it.

He stared at her with bug eyes but she seemed disinterested in the strange occurrence; her mind was boggled with the thought that her parents and siblings had been murdered. This was the perfect opportunity for Damon to work his magic.

Ivy paced back and forth, her hands pulling at her hair like a lose string on a piece of clothing. “Who would kill them? My family had no quarrel with anyone!”

  “Your parents did. They weren’t who you thought they were, Ivy.” Damon professed.

  “What do you know of my parents?” Ivy snapped, shoving Damon backwards.

  “I know that were the most powerful people in the world.”

Ivy’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. “What are you talking about?”

Damon sniggered. “Oh darling, you’re so naïve. If you knew what I knew, you’d beg for my skills.”

Ivy cocked her head. “Your skills?” she asked puzzled.

  “I’m a demon, love, what do you think my skills are?”

  “And lead me not into temptation,” Ivy quoted.

  “A little late to be calling God for help, besides you don’t believe in God not as much as your twin,” Damon stated.

  “She was the religious one out the family,” Ivy remembered. “But her God didn’t save her, no matter how much she devoted her life to him.” She spat.

  “Lucifer can give you what he can’t,” Damon offered, holding his hand out.

  “And what is it I want?”

Suddenly, an apple fell from the tree and landed in Damon’s hand. “Revenge.”

That word tasted like sweet poison and Ivy smiled when he spoke it. She took the red apple out of his hand and took a huge bite, its sweet juicy drooling from her lips.

  “Justice,” Ivy corrected as she chewed on the piece of the apple in her mouth. “I want justice.”

Damon snorted at her response before handing her a feathered pen and old, yellowish-brown paper he conjured from nothing, leaving Ivy gawking in awe.

  “Sign on the dotted line,” he ordered.

  “What’s this?” Ivy asked, examining the contents of the paper which read:

Terms of the Soul Contract with Ivy Mayne.

After completing Ivy’s revenge or whatever she wants to call it, Damon the greatest demon that ever lived, will possess and eat her tasty soul.

o Agree

Or

o Agree

Signature: .................................................................................................’

  “Do you need glasses, I’m sure there’s an optician nearby?” Damon insulted with a smile.

  “I can see perfectly, thank you!” Ivy retorted as she read on, then suddenly her expression turned panic-stricken. “My soul?”

  “What else do you think I wanted in return, a packet of sweets?” Damon said in a sardonic tone.

  “But – what happens when you – eat my soul?” Ivy asked, the words tasted revolting in her mouth.

  “If you’re worried about reuniting with you family, don’t, you’ll see them in the afterlife.” Damon reassured.

Ivy took a breath of relief. “Thank goodness, I thought devoured souls wonder in limbo for eternity.”

  “You humans know nothing,” Damon laughed as he stared as her with stony eyes.

Ivy’s hand quivered over the paper, her heart wasn’t fully in this because she was afraid, afraid to die. Damon impatiently tapped his feet as she questioned her decision. Living meant suffering alone, without a purpose, without anyone to call family or home. Death was the only way to be free of the curse God had bestowed upon her; it was the only way to be reunited with her family.

  "Come on, love, I don't have all day!" Damon moaned.

  "This doesn't feel right," Ivy whimpered.

  "Nothing in this world feels right but you won't know until you do it," Damon lectured but Ivy still wasn't convinced. "What would your father say?"

How did he know what her father would say? How did he know how to persuade her like this? But it didn't matter did it because those few words were all she needed to sign the contract.

  "I'm not signing anything until you prove to me that you’re a demon and that my family was murdered," Ivy negioatated.

Damon shook his head in agreement. "Fair enough."

Damon held out his hand once again and without hesitation she took it and they disappeared in black smoke, leaving the park in its previous silence.


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User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 481
Reviews: 117

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Sun Apr 23, 2017 2:47 am
Featherstone wrote a review...



So I literally just realized that I started by reviewing Part II, so I'm back for Part I XD

Firstly, I like the apple tree there, and it really does remind me of the story of Adam and Eve eating the forbidden fruit, so nice job. *claps* There was some really nice description in Part II, but I feel that it is lacking here. In addition, may I suggest that you perhaps elaborate a bit on her feelings? I've been told she feels devastated at the loss of her family, but it seems more that I'm being told and not shown.

An offshoot of that, I just feel it's a bit unrealistic she'd think Damon's voice was her twin's. I'm not sure if you're a twin or not, but, being one, I know for a fact I'd recognize my brother's voice anywhere, and never mistake it for someone else's.

Lastly, I think there were some places (for instance, "Come on, love, I don't have all day!") where a dash could have been instituted in place of a comma (example: "Come on, love - I don't have all day!")

Other than that, nice job!

Keep writing!

~ Fea




RavenBlack says...


I'm so happy you got the Adam and Eve reference, I thought no one would notice! Thanks again :-D



Featherstone says...


Which is actually kind of funny because I'm not even religious XD. I really liked when she took the apple from him and took a bite - all I could think of is when the snake convinces Eve to take some of the forbidden fruit. No problem, I'll be back!



Featherstone says...


Which is actually kind of funny because I'm not even religious XD. I really liked when she took the apple from him and took a bite - all I could think of is when the snake convinces Eve to take some of the forbidden fruit. No problem, I'll be back!



RavenBlack says...


That's exactly what I was trying to imply! Are you a mind-reader?! xD



Featherstone says...


LOL nope, you're just a good writer ^_^



Featherstone says...


LOL nope, you're just a good writer ^_^



RavenBlack says...


Thank you, means a lot :-D



Featherstone says...


You're welcome :D



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14 Reviews


Points: 409
Reviews: 14

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Fri Apr 21, 2017 10:14 pm
BubblegumGoddess wrote a review...



Hi RavenBlack!
I have a little review for this chapter that I hope you are able to use when editing your work! First I would like to commend you for how interesting this story is. I really enjoyed reading it and am looking forward to some more chapters and see where this story goes. I also found it very neat that you started the story from such a tragic moment. For the most part, this story was easy and enjoyable to read. There are some things I'd like to suggest though.
The first bit that I thought might need some fixing is where you describe appearances and such. Overall I think that your writing would benefit from some work in showing not telling.

-BubblegumGoddess




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5 Reviews


Points: 202
Reviews: 5

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Sun Apr 09, 2017 9:10 am
KaitoSSK wrote a review...



Hey there, RavenBlack
I'm gonna leave my review here if you don't mind.

First thing first, i love how the story goes and flows nicely, it makes me easy to read it.
There's also not that much grammar errors. Which is a plus point.
But i would suggest you put more comas, full-stop and other marks during the narration, it might help the readers to know where to pause when they read.

For the character description, i was hoping that you describe more of it.
Like the part where you suddenly mentioned Adam out of nowhere and the only remarks we got is that he is Ivy's brother.
For Rose's character, at least you mentioned her a few times. You don't want your character (that died) to be forgotten that easily, do you?
I like Damon's overall character, but he doesn't seem like he has a fixed personality. IMO, he's like swinging here and there, changing his personality as the story seems fit, or that is actually his personality. Don't worry, i still like this character tho.
Ivy, too, also has a swinging mood. She was sad at first, but as she talks to Damon, it's as if she turns into a moody teenager. I was hoping she would grieve more on her family's death tho.

Overall, this story is interesting, worth the read, and i will wait for the next chapter!




RavenBlack says...


Thanks so much for the review! Helps a lot! :-D




The words you speak become the house you live in.
— Hafiz