Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
A normal day in the life of Tiffany: sleep, alarm buzzing, shower, makeup, hair, get dressed, grab keys, make it to the local coffee shop before work, and pray that the rest of the day goes smoothly.
First week pregnant Tiffany's day: puke, sleep, puke, sleep, alarm goes off, puke in shower, skip makeup and hair, drink some water, feel nauseous, call off work, make a doctor's appointment, and pray that there's not an embryo growing in your uterus.
Her finger hovered over his name for no longer than a half hour before turning her phone screen off. He was probably off taking his kids to school, while his wife casually woke and get ready for the day. He would probably drive back home and make love to her, right there on the floor of the walk-in closet they shared, slow, sensual, not animalistic or fiery as theirs had been.
The doctor's office was only a short drive from Tiffany's house, but she took a drive around the community she lived in, where babies were being pushed in strollers or toddlers were being chased around their own yards. She saw lots of happy, energetic, flawless parents, but she also saw exhausted, flawed mothers and fathers with bags under their eyes and their children running at their feet, hanging by a thread, they were just getting by.
I'll be one of those parents, non-coherent as my child dumps all the groceries out into the middle of the yard. Do I really expect him to leave his wife? Does he even love me? Do I even love him?
Who knows how long the light had been green, but the few cars behind Tiffany sure were not happy as she flew through it right before it turned back to yellow then red. She pulled into the doctors office parking lot, found a space far from the building itself, took a few deep breaths, and went in.
Damn shoes, they squeaked with every step Tiffany made into the doctor's office. This wasn't the doctor Tiffany normally saw. This wasn't just a special baby doctor; this doctor could change the course of Tiffany's life forever. If Tiffany was right, if she was eight weeks pregnant, this doctor could terminate everything.
She shivered, as a chill blew through the paper hospital gown. She had read ever motivational poster on the wall and every magazine in the office before a nurse finally made her way in. She looked nervous, minute, a novice.
“I'm here to... uh... to do an ultrasound. Just lay down and relax, it shouldn't take long.” Tiffany looked for her badge to see her name, Cassandra. She grabbed two gloves from the box on the counter, but then the box fell to the floor, and when she came back back she hit her head on the ledge of the counter. Cassandra blushed, pushed the box to the back of the counter and pulled on the two gloves, spinning around in her chair to face Tiffany, who nervously glanced at her.
“This might be a little cold.” Cassandra pushed up Tiffany's paper hospital gown and squeezed the cold gel into her hand generously, plopping it along Tiffany's lower abdomen harshly rubbing it in.
Tiffany winced, but focused her eyes on the screen, maybe magically there would be no future celebrity growing in her uterus, but there it was, a tiny pulsing being, no bigger than the tip of her pinky finger.
“Congratulations, looks like you are around ten weeks pregnant. Everything looks to be going smoothly and the fetus is growing accordingly. I'll print out a sonogram picture, and the doctor should be in, in a few minutes,” Cassandra said, as she wiped the jelly from Tiffany's abdomen and lowered her hospital gown.
The nurse left the room before Tiffany could object. She sat up and cupped her hand around her belly, nothing there but extra fat. She had almost convinced herself that she could live with an abortion, as the doctor walked in.
Looking down at his clipboard, the doctor said, “Hello, Ms... Ms. Silverston. I'm Doctor Frank Dee; it's nice to meet you. On your paper work it said you were interested in an abortion. I want to suggest you meet with our clinical therapist before anything is finalized, but of course the final decision is up to you. Are there any questions you would like to ask me before we set up an appointment for the procedure or therapist meeting?”
Will it hurt the fetus? Will people judge me for the rest of my life? Will I be able to live with myself afterwards? What kind of person kills a baby? Is it really murder if I'm making a responsible decision? Should I look into adoption? Could I handle that pain any more than the pain of an abortion? Will I be able to have children later in life without feeling guilty? Should I talk to the sperm donor first? Does he have any kind of say so?
Thoughts flooded Tiffany's brain, but all she could say was, “I think I'll set up an appoint with the therapist at the reception desk. Thank you for the suggestion.” On her way out Tiffany made an appointment with a Dr. Craig and left to have lunch with her long term boyfriend, Marc Anderson.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
You had requested the first part, but I want to review them all, because I got curious for the outcome of the firts part. So I will try my best to help you and tell you my honest opinion, as I review every part of this lovely story. I hope you continue! I know that you are person with a very good grammar and vocabulary, so I will not mention many punctuation stuff, because you do it all right, anyways, so maybe more opinion will be put into this revew. So, I will read this part and check for mistakes at once, so it is easier, faster and more understandable.
Editing Zone
First week pregnant Tiffany's day: puke, sleep, puke, sleep, alarm goes off, puke in shower, skip makeup and hair, drink some water, feel nauseous, call off work, make a doctor's appointment, and pray that there's not an embryo growing in her uterus.
Her finger hovered over his name for no longer than a half hour, before turning her phone screen off. He was probably off taking his kids to school, while his wife casually woke and got ready for the day. He would probably drive back home and make love to her, right there on the floor of the walk-in closet they shared, slow, sensual, not animalistic or fiery, as theirs had been.
She is pregnant from him, right?
The doctor's office was only a short drive from Tiffany's house, but she took a drive around the community she lived in, where babies were being pushed in strollers or toddlers, being chased around their own yards. She saw lots of happy, energetic, flawless parents, but she also saw exhausted, flawed mothers and fathers with bags under their eyes and their children running at their feet, hanging by a thread, as they were just getting by.
She had read every motivational poster on the wall and every magazine in the office before a nurse finally made her way in. She looked nervous, minute, a novice.
“I'm here to... uh... to do an ultrasound."
"Just lay down and relax, it shouldn't take long.” Tiffany looked for her badge to see her name, Cassandra. She grabbed two gloves from the box on the counter, but then the box fell to the floor, and when she came back back she hit her head on the ledge of the counter. Cassandra blushed, pushed the box to the back of the counter and pulled on the two gloves, spinning around in her chair to face Tiffany, who nervously glanced at her.
The nurse left the room before Tiffany could object. She sat up and cupped her hand around her belly, nothing there, but extra fat. She had almost convinced herself that she could live with an abortion, as the doctor walked in.
Looking down at his clipboard, the doctor said, “Hello, Ms... Ms. Silverston. I'm Doctor Frank Dee,It's nice to meet you. On your paper work it said you were interested in an abortion. I want to suggest you meet with our clinical therapist before anything is finalized, but of course the final decision is up to you. Are there any questions you would like to ask me before we set up an appointment for the procedure or therapist meeting?”
Will it hurt the fetus? Will people judge me for the rest of my life? Will I be able to live with myself afterwards? What kind of person kills a baby? Is it really murder if I'm making a responsible decision? Should I look into adoption? Could I handle that pain any more than the pain of an abortion? Will I be able to have children later in life without feeling guilty? Should I talk to the sperm donor first? Does he have any kind of say so?
{ I love the fact, that this is with a different font, showing it is her thoughts. Really relatable and realistic thoughts. Who would not think this way? }
Thoughts flooded Tiffany's brain, but all she could say was, “I think I'll set up an appointment with the therapist at the reception desk. Thank you for the suggestion.” On her way out Tiffany made an appointment with a Dr. Craig and left to have lunch with her long term boyfriend, Marc Anderson.
I like how the story is moving to the next level and we find out many things, that are not shown or told in the first part. I really enjoyed this part, also, keep on writing.
Hello there, Rascal! I saw that you posted the second chapter of your book, the one I read a month ago, and I'm pleased. I'll be reviewing this for a little while, if you don't mind.
Now, firstly, the highlights:
-"while his wife casually woke and get ready for the day. " I think you might've meant 'got' instead of 'get'.
-"She saw lots of happy, energetic, flawless parents, but she also saw exhausted, flawed mothers and fathers with bags under their eyes and their children running at their feet, hanging by a thread, they were just getting by." I don't know about this sentence. It seemed a little too long for its own good, and I think that last part ('they were just getting by') could've made a sentence of its own. So, "She saw lots of...*the rest of the sentence*...hanging by a thread. They were just getting by." sounds more appropriate. But that's up to you.
-"She had read ever motivational poster on the wall and every magazine in the office before a nurse finally made her way in." You might've meant 'every' instead of 'ever'.
-"“I think I'll set up an appoint with the therapist at the reception desk." Appointment, not an appoint.
Now, onto the more substantial portion of the review:
Well, I'm interested in seeing where this might go from a plot perspective. It would be interesting to see Tiffany actually get an abortion, because we rarely see that in fiction and even if a couple decides to do it in fiction the writer cops out and makes the woman have a miscarriage instead, so I have my hopes. Do I think it'll happen? Probably not. As I said, it's a rare subject in fiction, and the controversy would be too great. It would not make me dislike the work. I'd just like it a little bit more if they actually went that route.
But other than that, what did I think about the work? Well, it has a pretty good track record of show don't tell. Nothing is stated outright, but instead shown in thoughts and actions, which is a great example of how to handle something like this. Fantastic job there.
I think that's about it, for me. Usually I have a little bit more to say, but I think I've said what I needed to. Good job.
Signing out,
--EM.
Thanks!! I'm glad you enjoy the story so far. I don't think Tiffany will actually get an abortion, but I want her to explore that option. The only reason she wouldn't get one in this piece of fiction is because I strongly believe against abortions, if I didn't feel that way, I see no problem in having fictional characters do the extreme such as abortions because it's a safe distance for readers to explore and investigate on their own such issues as these.