Chicago chapter 4
Saturday night came along and as Tiffany was getting ready she threw every shirt she owned on her bed. Time was running out, she hadn't decided about the abortion, and none of the shirts were hiding her bump. She could feel the tickle in her throat and a wetness in her eyes.
“Damn hormones.” Tiffany threw on a tank top and sweat shirt, even though it was seventy degrees in late August.
By the time she arrived at the Vernon household, Tiffany was sweating and her face swollen and red. She tried to apply a little concealer before she got out the car, but it only made her look sick. She locked her car and placed her keys into the front pocket of her black cotton sweatshirt. It took three knocks on the door before Tara opened it and offered her glass of water as they walked to the kitchen.
“We shouldn't be later than eleven. Weddings have never been Gary's favorite thing. Brittany has finished her homework, but Brooklynne needed help with some math equations. They should have a bath by seven and in bed by eight, eight-thirty. I laid out their pajamas in their rooms on their beds. I ordered a pizza for dinner it should be here in about ten minutes, and I already paid online. They can have a small snack before bed... I think that should be it. Gary, can you think of anything?” Tara took a pair of sparkling high heels and tossed them on her feet.
Gary came bounding down the stairs in a pair of black boots, dark denim rustic holy jeans, and a pale yellow button down shirt. Tiffany could smell him from the top step; the aroma of musk and woods flew up her nostrils into her heart. “I think you covered it. She has your number if she has any questions; let's go.” Pushing pass Tiffany, Gary grabbed the car keys from the counter and went out to the car.
Tara took a glance in Gary's direction and then said, “Thank you, please text me if you need anything.”
Brittany was sitting in the playroom adjacent from the dining-room with her electronic tablet playing video games, so Tiffany went to find Brooklynne and help her with her math homework. The night went by fairly fast. The girls got along well and listened to direction nicely, obviously a sign of great parenting. After Tiffany made sure Brittany and Brooklynne were asleep, she went around and looked at the pictures hanging on the walls. All around the living-room were pictures of the perfect marriage in it's tenth year.
The first picture that caught her eye hung above the couch, the largest one. Gary was on the inside of a barn and Tara was on the outside. They both had their eyes closed and were holding hands. Tara's white dress blended in with the tall grass, and Gary's yellow tie brought out the golden hue in his blue eyes. Tiffany could almost see the tears forming in Tara's eyes behind her veil. The light, love, and energy beamed off of Gary. Was this what it was suppose to be like, marrying your best-friend? What if your best-friend is already married?
There were three smaller picture on each side of the wedding picture. The left side held a picture of Tara lying on the couch with her head in Gary's lap, his hands were wrapped around her protruding belly. A sonogram was sticking up in the corner of the frame. The picture below it showed Gary sitting behind Tara holding a tiny baby dressed in yellow. Brittany's current school picture was the last picture on the left side. Could Tiffany raise a child as well as they were raising Brittany? Could Tiffany take away a child's father out of selfish love?
On the right side, the top picture was of Brittany holding up her shirt and the word applejuice written on her round, small belly, Tara holding up her shirt with the words baby girl written on her belly, and Gary with his shirt pulled up and the word ice cream written on his belly. His favorite ice cream was vanilla and black cherry. Tiffany closed her eyes and could taste the sweet, gooey liquid around his perfect finger. The sound of the garage door opening, caused her to jump a little, as she hurried to the kitchen table where she had her bible opened to Psalms 139.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hello again!
I'm thrilled to return to you with another review! Once again, I ask that you pardon my ignorance. Alright, now. On with the review!
Congratulations! In these 3 simple sentences you have captured the struggle of pregnant women. Seriously, this is an "on-point" description. Kudos.
Probably my favorite part of this entire chapter is this:
This seems so insignificant, but when you take a closer look at what Psalm 139 contains, it is rather incredible how so perfectly suited it is for Tiffany's situation. She is afraid, considering abortion, and is lost. She needs help. And this passage is perfect.
I also particularly enjoyed the paragraph in which Tiffany played with the children. Very well done!
I'm enjoying this story immensely. Continue with the good work!
Keep writing, my friend.
-Sis
The psalms passage was intentional and I'm glad you caught that!! Thanks!
Finally reached the fourth part of this story.
Happy to see that I have more parts to review even if I see the ends, though.
So for this part, I expect to find out even more for the main character.
Let's go through it, shall we? I saw you started talking from her point of view again which is my favourite. I like that you show us the same basic situation from the eyes of more than one person, so we understand what they think and want to do in the situation. I think it makes it more interesting to know and look at more than one opinion from one person. This way we understand more for each of them.
Editing Zone
By the time she arrived at the Vernon household, Tiffany was sweating and her face was swollen and red. She tried to apply a little concealer before she got out the car, but it only made her look sick.
At the start I thought it is Tiffany talking here, so I think you need to make it clear and seperate the previous lines from this one of Tara's speech with *** or -----.
“We shouldn't be later than eleven. Weddings have never been Gary's favorite thing. Brittany has finished her homework, but Brooklynne needed help with some math equations. They should have a bath by seven and in bed by eight, eight-thirty. I laid out their pajamas in their rooms on their beds. I ordered a pizza for dinner it should be here in about ten minutes, and I already paid online. They can have a small snack before bed... I think that should be it. Gary, can you think of anything?” Tara took a pair of sparkling high heels and tossed them on her feet.
--
Brittany was sitting in the playroom adjacent from the dining room with her electronic tablet playing video games, so Tiffany went to find Brooklynne and help her with her math homework. The night went by fairly fast. The girls got along well and listened to her like good kids, obviously a sign of great parenting. After Tiffany made sure Brittany and Brooklynne were asleep, she went around and looked at the pictures hanging on the walls. All around the living-room were pictures of the perfect marriage in its tenth year.
The first picture that caught her eye hung above the couch, the largest one. Gary was on the inside of a barn and Tara was on the outside. They both had their eyes closed and were holding hands. Tara's white dress blended in with the tall grass, and Gary's yellow tie brought out the golden hue in his blue eyes. if they have their eyes closed, you can not talk about the blue in his eyes
Tiffany could almost see the tears forming in Tara's eyes behind her veil. The light, love, and energy beamed off of Gary. Was this what it was suppose to be like, marrying your best friend? What if your best friend is already married?
--
On the right side, the top picture was of Brittany holding up her shirt and the word apple juice written on her round, small belly, Tara holding up her shirt with the words baby girl written on her belly, and Gary with his shirt pulled up and the word ice cream written on his belly. His favorite ice cream was vanilla and black cherry. Tiffany closed her eyes and could taste the sweet, gooey liquid around his perfect finger. The sound of the garage door opening, caused her to jump a little, as she hurried to the kitchen table where she had her bible opened to Psalms 139.
Good part, I could say. I really enjoyed this part, too.
And this whole detailed surrounding you had put into the work of yours.
The details around the scene when Tiffany is looking at their photos on the wall was stunning. Kind of sad, because she was seeing him with another woman, not herself. But sitll beautiful description of each photo on the wall. Helped me actualy imagine the photos in my mind.
Good job.