A
field.
I live in a field,
In a long never ending
field
Stretching for miles.
Miles and miles of flat grassy
land.
Turn full circle but never a different view.
Keep
walking.
Always
walking.
Step after step.
Walking but never really moving.
The
horizon never changes.
No matter what direction I choose at the
dawn of the day,
The horizon never changes.
I know they exist;
I know mountains exist,
But where?
I long for the
mountains,
Jagged
peaks softly caressing the sky.
Castles built from the
ground,
Carefully
crafted,
The
crown of the earth.
I
am a princess,
And I long for my crown.
Take me there.
Show
me the way to the mountains.
Point
me in the direction of where my soul shall find rest.
Day
upon week upon month,
I walk upon an endless plane.
Each
moment as predictable as the rhythms of the sky.
Every day that
passes,
The colors fade a little more.
The green of the grass
isn't so green.
The yellow of the sun isn't so bright.
As the
seconds die the colors bleed out,
And now all I see is grey.
But I know the mountains exist.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
While I'll admit, it took me a while to get into this one, I did.
The repetition of "field" early on in the poem worked.
The short, to-the-point lines worked.
The tone and mood of the poem worked.
All in all, this poem worked.
I loved it.
Keep it up!
P.S. It took me a while to even get through this one, because I was tackling breakfast, and my mother never seemed to leave me alone.
While I'll admit, it took me a while to get into this one, I did.
The repetition of "field" early on in the poem worked.
The short, to-the-point lines worked.
The tone and mood of the poem worked.
All in all, this poem worked.
I loved it.
Keep it up!
P.S. It took me a while to even get through this one, because I was tackling breakfast, and my mother never seemed to leave me alone.
While I'll admit, it took me a while to get into this one, I did.
The repetition of "field" early on in the poem worked.
The short, to-the-point lines worked.
The tone and mood of the poem worked.
All in all, this poem worked.
I loved it.
Keep it up!
P.S. It took me a while to even get through this one, because I was tackling breakfast, and my mother never seemed to leave me alone.
In the first three verses you repeat 'field' which works well because you are conveying that seeing a field each day is tedious because of repetition. I specifically like 'jagged peaks softly caressing the sky' because metaphors like this give the reader detail and a more interesting poem. I also like how you directly address the reader by saying 'take me there' and 'show me the way to the mountains' as this really shows the desperation to leave the fields. To make your poem even more interesting you could use more emotive language to show how you really feel and how your longing to escape has affected you and your feelings. But overall it's a brilliant poem which gives the reader something to reflect upon and I love the end line! Thank you for sharing and I hope to read more of your work.
This poem describes a monotonous life which becomes boring, dull and uninteresting because of constant reminders of repetition. Progress makes life interesting but without something to keep us on the go, excitement isn't in the air. The same field, grass, sun, terrain and weather makes one wonder about other things that are non-existent in our lives but we believe they are true. Good poem overall. I'll give it a 3/5.